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Playboy Advisor: Jan/Feb 2014

Playboy Advisor: Jan/Feb 2014: Tomer Hanuka

Tomer Hanuka

Is it possible to infer from the way a woman walks what will make her have an orgasm? How would a slender, busty 30-year-old woman of average height with erect posture and a fluid walk most easily achieve orgasm?J.G., Johnson City, Tennessee
Of course it’s not possible. Nor can you infer her favorite color or whether she likes salted or unsalted margaritas. Taste in sex and the best method to achieve orgasm are influenced by one’s imagination, personal history, psychology, physiology and a lot of other intangibles that don’t have a damned thing to do with stride or gait. However, the woman you describe sounds relatively fit, which can influence arousal. One study shows that after exercise women respond more quickly to sexual arousal, while another study estimates that up to 15 percent of women can experience an orgasm while exercising. But please don’t take that as permission to go lurking around the health club.

I recently had my bloodwork done and learned I have an overabundance of protein. My doctor prescribed medication to control it. However, I frequently perform oral sex on my boyfriend, and I’m concerned the protein in his semen could be harmful to me. Should I stop swallowing?C.C., Columbia, New Jersey
To paraphrase Mick Jagger in the Rolling Stones song “Some Girls,” your boyfriend just doesn’t have that much jam. The recommended daily allowance of protein for a woman is 46 grams. The average ejaculation produces less than a gram of protein, about the same as half an egg white. So keep taking your medication. And if you’re still worried, you could just cut back on the omelets.

My husband and I have always had a great sex life. I typically have at least five orgasms every time we have sex. Now I’m pregnant with our first child. I’d always heard that sex during pregnancy is amazing, but that hasn’t been the case for me. While I’m extremely horny and masturbate several times a day, actual sex is completely uncomfortable. Of course deep penetration is not an option, but our timing is completely off as well. When my husband tries being gentle, it results in my having close to 10 orgasms in the first few minutes, before he’s even had a chance to work up a rhythm. I’ve tried to give him blow jobs to satisfy him or at least get him “close” before he puts it in, but he’s not interested. He prefers to fuck to get off, and honestly so do I. We’re not having sex at all, and I’m about to start humping the furniture. Any suggestions?A.M., San Francisco, California
So you can have 10 orgasms with your husband and you’re masturbating multiple times a day? Clearly the issue isn’t that you have problems getting off; it’s that you and your husband are no longer together physically or, dare we say, emotionally. What kind of guy refuses a blow job? A guy who doesn’t want to be intimate to such a degree that he goes to the extreme of actually refusing oral sex. We’ll suggest the possibility that he is emotionally distancing himself from you in preparation for the arrival of your child, when you will have even less time and energy to satisfy him. Preserving physical and emotional intimacy in the early days of new parenthood is difficult, so we suggest you get ahead of it now. Tell your husband you miss being physical with him. Mutually commit to preserving some semblance of a sex life, even if it’s not the old way. We’re guessing he’s masturbating too. Suggest mutual masturbation as a compromise until you can get back to the sex that satisfies you both.

After years of being unemployed I finally got a job at a good company. A co-worker of mine makes a lot of racist comments about African Americans. I’ve reported this to the human resources department, but I have seen no difference in his conduct. I’ve noticed him ogling my girlfriend, who is -African American, at parties and work functions. The last time was at a company picnic, where I caught him grabbing my girlfriend’s arm. She was about to go for her knife to cut him in self-defense. Now she’s afraid to have anything to do with company get-togethers, and my boss views her lack of attendance as a sign of unhappiness on my part. My nonwhite co-workers say I should let it go, but I can’t. And I can’t afford to move. What should I do?N.L., Montgomery, Alabama
Given that things nearly turned violent, your girlfriend should absolutely avoid company functions in the future. If your boss penalizes or dismisses you because she doesn’t come to company parties, you may have grounds for legal action. You can contact the U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (the website is eeoc.gov) to help determine whether your situation can be resolved through third-party mediation or a lawsuit. But this can be time-consuming and expensive. The fact that HR has so far proven ineffectual and that your boss doesn’t appear sympathetic leads us to believe the situation won’t get any better. You need to decide whether it’s a battle worth fighting. Make a list of the pros and cons of staying at your job. Here’s what we can see. Pros: money. Cons: a company culture and upper management that tolerate overt racism, a miserable girlfriend and the potential for injury, death and imprisonment. Should you decide to look for a new job, the good news is that because you are currently employed, other companies will view you more favorably.

Some ads in men’s fashion magazines show the models in business suits and ties with no socks. No one is commenting on how inappropriate and silly this looks. What’s your take on it?J.K., San Luis Obispo, California
Going sockless in loafers on weekends is perfectly fine, but in a traditional business situation it’s completely inappropriate. Men who wear business suits with no socks are generally not required to wear suits as part of a dress code. They tend to be fashion editors, clothing store clerks and guys who wear suits ironically. The whole sockless-with-a-suit thing is code for “I don’t actually have to wear this suit, but I am anyway.” Wearing dress shoes without socks tends to be painful and sweaty, so we’re not convinced the men are truly sockless. There’s a burgeoning category of super-low-rise socks on the market now. So these guys are probably only pretending to be sockless, which is affected, sartorially dishonest and thoroughly silly.

I don’t eat meat or dairy anymore because of the inhumane conditions in which they’re produced. However, they were fixtures in my diet, and I doubt I will be able to remain a vegan for long. I would like to find meat and dairy products that are produced in conditions that are healthy and humane for the animals, but I have no idea where to look. Any ideas on how I can resolve this?P.C., Jupiter, Florida
The most widely available supermarket brand of humanely raised meat is Niman Ranch, which gets its pork, beef and lamb from a network of 700 family farms. Heritage Foods USA (heritagefoodsusa.com) is the best one-stop online source. In addition to selling humanely raised meat, the company is active in the preservation of rare and endangered heirloom breeds of chicken, pig, turkey and cattle. The nonprofit organization Certified Humane is dedicated to improving the lives of farm animals from birth through slaughter and lists meat and dairy brands that meet its standards on its website (certifiedhumane.org).

Almost every time I try to hook up with a new woman, she’ll ask me how many partners I’ve been with. I consider that personal information. When I refuse to answer it puts a damper on the mood. The women say they want to know because the number could make them change their minds. Would it be better if I didn’t answer or lied about the number? I’ve been with a total of 72 partners. What’s the cutoff point for most women?K.C., Jonesport, Maine
You are definitely on the high side of the statistical range, with the average American man having seven sexual partners in his lifetime. Clearly, refusing to answer hasn’t worked out for you. And lying is just plain sneaky and could come back to bite you should one of your many hookups turn into a long-term relationship. Can you blame them for asking? You’re using personal information as an excuse for not telling them while expecting them to share their bodies with you in the most personal way possible. You might consider why “almost everyone” asks. Ask yourself what kind of vibe you’re giving off for them to question your track record. Be honest about your sexual accomplishments and maybe it will work in your favor. And if it doesn’t, then at least you’ll know you’re being rejected for who you are, not who you’re pretending to be.

For six months I had an affair with a female co-worker who was everything my current and former wives were not. She was kind, sweet, well-spoken and could talk intelligently on any given subject. When I told her I was thinking of leaving my five-year marriage with my second wife, the woman, who is very much single, made up a story about being secretly married. Now she doesn’t respond to my texts or any of my attempts to talk to her. I’m miserable and am thinking of leaving my job. I can’t bear to see her every day at work and not be able to talk to her. She’s my first thought in the morning and my last thought at night. Should I seek counseling?L.R., Portland, Oregon
You’re not the first person to find himself at the end of an affair with the life you tried to escape still staring you in the face. Nor are you the first to learn the hard way why office affairs are such a bad idea. You enjoyed the fantasy of a parallel relationship, and now it’s over and you’re grieving the loss. Even if your former mistress were capable of being articulate and honest about why she ended the affair, it wouldn’t change the fact that your marriage is where the real problem may lie. There’s no question you should seek counseling. As Freud said, the point of therapy is to help people be successful in both love and work—neither of which is the case for you. A good therapist can help you work through your pain and discover what drove you to stray in the first place. After you’ve taken care of yourself, consider couples counseling to see if you can salvage your marriage.

My wife and I were at a party recently, and a friend of a friend whom we hadn’t seen in a while was there. She’d had obvious augmentation done. In that situation, is a compliment necessary, or is it better to say nothing unless she brings it up?S.V., Tampa, Florida
If you honestly think she looks great, of course you should compliment her, in the same manner you’d compliment someone who was wearing a nice dress, had a great new haircut or had lost weight. You should say something generally positive and flattering, such as “You look fantastic,” and not “You look beautiful; your formerly underwhelming breasts are now twice as big as they used to be. Kudos to the surgeon.” Whatever you do, make sure the point of your compliment is to make her feel good about herself, not simply to satisfy your curiosity.

I’d always dreamed of one day posing for PLAYBOY, but now that I’m married I’ve given up that fantasy. I’ve kept my natural pubic hair, but now I’m considering looking like the girls in your magazine. Should I be happy with the way I am or get rid of my hair to look modern?K.P., Santa Monica, California
The 1970s are back in fashion, and this has extended to pubic hair. More women are opting for a nicely trimmed bush instead of the completely bald look that rose to ascendance in the 1990s. Case in point: When legendary Playmate Jenny McCarthy posed for the magazine in 2012, she proudly grew out her bush—not to voluminous 1970s proportions but more than many models you see in our pages and elsewhere. Whatever you do, do it for yourself. Being confident with the way you look is far sexier than trimming to chase a trend.

The other night, at a restaurant with friends, I ordered a glass of rosé wine. My friends called it a wussy drink, but I thought it was deliciously unwussy. What gives?R.K., Bend, Oregon
You’re right, they’re wrong. The best rosé has solid backbone and acid and is decidedly bracing to drink. In France the badass cowboys of the Camargue chug rosé, the best of which is drier than supposedly manly cabernet sauvignon. (Crappy, pink-hued white zinfandel is sweet, though.) In fact, rapper Rick Ross loves drinking rosé so much he sometimes calls himself Rick Rozay. Continue to drink pink as long as it’s the good stuff. And you can’t go wrong if it’s from Provence.

Is there any reason to distrust drugs from Tijuana pharmacies? When you cross the border into Mexico, Viagra is practically shoved into your hands, but is it legal and safe to bring that stuff into the States?D.S., Des Moines, Iowa
It’s only legal if you have both Mexican and U.S. prescriptions, but that doesn’t seem to stop anybody. Whether you’re getting the real deal is another thing altogether. Beware of deeply discounted Viagra. The FDA uncovered a counterfeit Viagra ring that was producing bogus versions of the drug sold at half price and labeled in English to appeal to the target market of American tourists. Real Mexican Viagra will be labeled in Spanish and sold at full price. Anytime you wade into an unregulated gray market there are no guarantees.

How can I stop myself from ejaculating prematurely? Don’t get me wrong; I’m not a minute man, but I’m not a 15-minute man either. I’ve tried cock rings, delay sprays, masturbating before sex—you name it. Nothing seems to work. I have no problem getting an erection and can orgasm up to three times.B.W., Kingsley, Michigan
You could talk to your doctor about prescribing an SSRI antidepressant such as paroxetine, which has been proven to help delay ejaculation. But keep in mind that for most men the average time from the beginning of intercourse to ejaculation is anywhere from four to eight minutes. Many men who suffer from premature ejaculation climax even before penetration or within seconds of entering the vagina. Consider yourself lucky that you can reboot so quickly and stay in the game. You don’t mention how the women you’ve been with feel about this. If you’re concerned about satisfying your partner—and you should be—pleasure her orally first. That might remove some of the pressure. Once you’ve gotten her off, you can move on to your satisfaction, three times over, you lucky bastard.


For answers to reasonable questions relating to food and drink, fashion and taste, and sex and dating, write the Playboy Advisor, 9346 Civic Center Drive, Beverly Hills, California 90210, or email advisor@playboy.com. The most interesting and pertinent questions will be presented in these pages each month.


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