*Is it possible to infer from the way a woman walks what will make her have an orgasm? How would a slender, busty 30-year-old woman of average height with erect posture and a fluid walk most easily achieve orgasm?—J.G., Johnson City, Tennessee *
Of course it’s not possible. Nor can you infer her favorite color or whether she likes salted or unsalted margaritas. Taste in sex and the best method to achieve orgasm are influenced by one’s imagination, personal history, psychology, physiology and a lot of other intangibles that don’t have a damned thing to do with stride or gait. However, the woman you describe sounds relatively fit, which can influence arousal. One study shows that after exercise women respond more quickly to sexual arousal, while another study estimates that up to 15 percent of women can experience an orgasm while exercising. But please don’t take that as permission to go lurking around the health club.
*My husband and I have always had a great sex life. I typically have at least five orgasms every time we have sex. Now I’m pregnant with our first child. I’d always heard that sex during pregnancy is amazing, but that hasn’t been the case for me. While I’m extremely horny and masturbate several times a day, actual sex is completely uncomfortable. Of course deep penetration is not an option, but our timing is completely off as well. When my husband tries being gentle, it results in my having close to 10 orgasms in the first few minutes, before he’s even had a chance to work up a rhythm. I’ve tried to give him blow jobs to satisfy him or at least get him “close” before he puts it in, but he’s not interested. He prefers to fuck to get off, and honestly so do I. We’re not having sex at all, and I’m about to start humping the furniture. Any suggestions?—A.M., San Francisco, California *
So you can have 10 orgasms with your husband and you’re masturbating multiple times a day? Clearly the issue isn’t that you have problems getting off; it’s that you and your husband are no longer together physically or, dare we say, emotionally. What kind of guy refuses a blow job? A guy who doesn’t want to be intimate to such a degree that he goes to the extreme of actually refusing oral sex. We’ll suggest the possibility that he is emotionally distancing himself from you in preparation for the arrival of your child, when you will have even less time and energy to satisfy him. Preserving physical and emotional intimacy in the early days of new parenthood is difficult, so we suggest you get ahead of it now. Tell your husband you miss being physical with him. Mutually commit to preserving some semblance of a sex life, even if it’s not the old way. We’re guessing he’s masturbating too. Suggest mutual masturbation as a compromise until you can get back to the sex that satisfies you both.