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Playboy Advisor: Can Having Sex Under Water be Harmful to my Genitals?

Playboy Advisor: Can Having Sex Under Water be Harmful to my Genitals? :  SKIP STERLING

SKIP STERLING

My wife is hesitant to have sex underwater because of health concerns. Are there any significant risks associated with having our genitals fully submerged during intercourse, such as exposure to harmful bacteria, changes in her pH level or a possible piston effect caused by forcing water inside her vagina? Do the risks vary by location—pool, spa, lake, river or ocean—based on water quality, temperature and salinity?K.F., San Diego, California
She’s right. Lakes, rivers and oceans contain bacteria, along with irritants such as salt and sand; chlorinated pool or spa water can alter the vagina’s natural pH level. What’s more, water washes away vaginal lubrication, which can make thrusting difficult. It can also cause condoms to slip off or become prone to breakage. When it comes to sex, stay out of the Blue Lagoon.

My husband and I have a great relationship. We’re good friends and have had a healthy sex life. Lately, the friend thing is still going well, but not so much with the sex life. He wants something different but won’t give me any insight into what exactly it is. I don’t think he really knows, and I can’t figure it out. We have done bondage on me, domination on both of us and just about every position man or beast has conceived. He hasn’t cheated on me, but I’m starting to become concerned about how much porn he’s watching and how little sex we’re having. He once told me, “Sex is sex.” This makes me worry that having sex with me is becoming a chore for him. I understand that men have desires, and I’m willing to fulfill his every need, with one exception: no sex with anyone else—no cheating, no group sex. I don’t care if he fantasizes about other women as long as he still desires me and that trumps any need to stray. My anxiety about him cheating stems not from anything he’s done but rather from reading too many articles about unhappy and unfaithful men who have children under the age of two (which we do). I don’t want to become one of those women whose husbands are disloyal. I also want to reward him for his fidelity in an adulterous society.A.T., Youngstown, Ohio
You should tell him exactly what you told us. You sound like an incredibly generous partner, and he’s lucky to have you. To put some of his behavior in context, it’s worth pointing out that having young kids ranks high on the list of things that can put a damper on a couple’s sex life. There’s the sleep deprivation, the diminished energy, the reprioritization of every family member’s needs and less time for the two of you as a couple. And that’s just the abridged laundry list of reasons couples with young children in the house become unhappy. In addition, one frequent culprit in a man’s diminished desire for his wife post-kids is that for the first time in the relationship he sees her not so much as a sexual partner but as a mother; her breasts, previously an erogenous and erotic inspiration, are now figuratively (and literally) meant for someone other than him. Your husband’s increased porn consumption and waning interest in sex with you are likely related to the fact that women in porn are pure sex objects whose scripted behavior is removed from the conditions of the real world, with none of the stress of families, jobs, sleep loss, emotional needs and so forth. That said, you’re doing the right thing by making it clear you still desire him and see him as a lover as much as anything else. You should remind him how fortunate he is to have a wife who’s willing to experiment in bed in wilder ways than most. If you lay this out explicitly, he should realize how good he has it.

Does the Advisor have any suggestions for ways I can increase my testosterone without causing me to fail an NCAA drug test? I’m a student athlete, and my sport demands that I be as powerful and strong as possible. “A friend” told me that consuming your own sperm boosts your testosterone level. Is this true?C.N., Riverside, California
No, it’s not. At least he didn’t tell you that consuming his sperm would increase your testosterone.

I’ve been contemplating purchasing a pair of the classic black-and-silver Playboy Rabbit Head cuff links. I have a few weddings and other celebratory events coming up where I could add a little spark to my outfit by accessorizing with the cuff links. However, I’m unsure what color tie I should wear with them. My instinct is to pair them with a black tie (that is, a regular tie that’s black, not black tie as in a tuxedo), but I have been taught that the only place one should wear a black tie is at a funeral. What’s the Advisor’s take on this? What color tie would you suggest I wear with the cuff links?A.A., Helsinki, Finland
In this case, a solid-black tie would be ideal with the Rabbit Head cuff links. If you wear the tie with a gray suit, there will be nothing funereal about the look. But you don’t need to limit yourself to a black tie. As long as it is black or has black in it, a striped, plaid, checked or polka-dot tie would also match the cuff links. And a tie isn’t the only thing you can pair with them: Black eyeglass frames, black shoes and a black plaid or gingham pocket square would nicely balance your outfit too.

My wife and I have been married for 13 years, and we have two lovely children, ages 12 and 11. It has been challenging working our sex life around the little cock-blockers all these years, but now I’m faced with a new obstacle: my wife’s dogs. In the past year she has become so obsessed with her two dogs that even the kids complain about it. Of course this means I’m on my own when it comes to romance and sex. I’m only 45 and not ready to be done with intimacy for the rest of my life. We have discussed the situation several times, after which she pays attention to me just long enough to talk me off the ledge and then goes right back to neglecting our relationship. I’m at a loss and won’t settle for bronze much longer. I don’t think she’ll be down with going to couples therapy. What’s a husband to do?P.C., Seattle, Washington
We never thought we’d say this, but you need to get into the doghouse—and no, we’re not suggesting canine polyamory. We mean you need to ask your wife to let you into that world that clearly gives her comfort, a place of simple pleasures: staring into understanding eyes, letting your face be licked, giving tummy rubs, awarding treats, taking long walks and playing the occasional game of Frisbee. When you think about it, hanging out with dogs is sort of like the early days of a romance (minus the sex). We jest, but only partially. Your wife probably focuses on the dogs because they offer an escape from the complexities of long-term noncanine relationships. Obviously, she needs to start doing her part to rejoin the human world. It might be time for a family intervention where you and your children collectively tell her how much you miss her and that you are justifiably jealous of her pets. She needs to hear that you are all suffering as a result of her misdirected affections.

Now that I’m in my early 40s, the years are starting to catch up with me, and I’ve begun to see gray hairs. I’m not ready to look my age. What does the Advisor think about men dyeing their hair? Do you have any tips?G.F., Tustin, California
If you’re going to dye your hair in the spirit that most men do—which is to say, by pretending that you’re not dyeing your hair—don’t. While some women boldly go from platinum blonde to jet black to brunette and play with outfits around the shifting hue, men tend to be timid and not very good at it. If you think you’ll be the first guy to fool everyone, think again. Even men with unlimited resources and access to the best hairstylists in the world have failed to pull off an inconspicuous dye job to obscure their graying hair: Witness John Travolta, Paul McCartney and Ron Burgundy. We won’t mislead you into thinking that going gray will suddenly catapult you into the category of John Slattery, George Clooney and other silver foxes, but there’s no shame in embracing your natural color. If you still insist on dyeing your hair, don’t ever lie and claim you haven’t—that’s just downright unattractive.

In my opinion, the colors that come standard on most cars sold in the U.S. are boring. Are there any issues with buying a new car and having it custom painted?R.W., Oxford, Mississippi
Cost is the biggest issue. A quality paint job that will last several years and look as impressive as premium factory paint on a new car will cost at least several thousand dollars. The price tag could climb into the tens of thousands, depending on the make and model of the car, the colors and any additional designs. If boring is your biggest beef with factory paint, an increasingly popular customization option is a vinyl wrap, which is removable and can last up to seven years when properly cared for. Wraps can run into the thousands of dollars, but they give you infinite design options: You can swathe your car in matte black, blaze orange, even dozens of camouflage patterns, from woodland to winterland. What’s more, installation takes several days, not weeks as with a good paint job, and if you tire of the wrap or want to sell your vehicle you can have the vinyl removed without damaging the paint below.

I fly quite a bit for business and always try to book my flights early so I can get an aisle seat as close to the front as possible. Sometimes I pay extra just to reserve that seat. With airliners flying at fuller capacity lately, I’m frequently asked to move to accommodate a family group. When I say yes, I feel like an idiot for having paid extra for my seat. When I say no, I get treated like a jerk by the flight crew and everyone else onboard. What does the Advisor think is the proper etiquette in this situation?W.L., Intervale, New Hampshire
Air travel is hard enough these days, and planning ahead and paying more for better seats is just about the only recourse we have to reduce the stress of increasingly cramped cabins and full flights. While it would be gracious to accommodate a family that wasn’t able to book seats together, it’s by no means your responsibility to help them out. Try not to sound self-righteous or defensive when you tell them you planned ahead and paid extra for your seat. As in many other social situations, the right delivery goes a long way toward not making you look like a jerk. Even if you’re not actually sorry for defending your hard-fought-for perch, saying you are could help minimize the stink-eye and make your already difficult flight that much more bearable.

My wife likes to let her pubic hair grow, and I’m not a big fan. She loves to receive oral sex, but I refuse to give her cunnilingus when she has a full bush. She lets me shave it—reluctantly—but claims it burns and itches afterward. She says she doesn’t like the feeling of being bald. I shave her pubic hair with the same shaving cream and razor I use on my face because I find it arousing. What can I do to make her feel better post-shaving so she doesn’t resent the loss of her pubic hair?P.M., Madison, Wisconsin
You shouldn’t ask her to do anything that makes her uncomfortable or resentful. If she doesn’t like the feeling of hairlessness, you should respect that. But there’s a middle ground awaiting you that doesn’t involve shaving, baldness or a full bush. It could be time for you both to dive into the Bermuda Triangle—currently voted one of the most popular pubic hairstyles by both men and women readers of the blog Pubic Style (pubicstyle.wordpress.com). Smaller than a 1970s-style bush but not as radical as a full Brazilian, it’s a neat triangular shape you can maintain with an electric trimmer on a low guard setting. The style tames a wild bush and lets you breathe a little easier down below. If your wife is comfortable with it, she could get her bikini line (the sides of her bush) waxed, which is less likely to produce ingrown hairs. Since it sounds as though she’s sensitive, waxing is one of those don’t-try-this-at-home projects. She should definitely go to a salon—your treat.

After losing 50 pounds through dieting and running, I was delighted to find I had gained size in my penis. However, my girlfriend now says I’m too big for her. She claims it hurts when we have sex. Is there any way she can adapt to my new size? And what can I do to help her?M.H., Mount Morris, Michigan
While exercise and a better diet could help your circulation, which could lead to more rigid erections, it’s highly unlikely you gained width or length. What’s more likely is that you lost belly and groin fat that had been acting as a sort of sex bumper, preventing you from putting your entire penis inside your girlfriend. Keep your thrusts from going all the way to the hilt and experiment with positions that let her determine how deep you go. Modified missionary, with her legs together, can keep you from going too deep, as can having her straddle you on a chair.

Why do women seem to feel cold when the temperature drops below 60 degrees, while men seem not to be bothered?M.G., Kunkletown, Pennsylvania
“Seem” is the operative word here. Although women’s core body temperature is actually higher than men’s, their hands and feet run three degrees colder.

I plan to travel to Europe soon and have heard that credit cards with a magnetic stripe don’t work there. How can I get a chip card in America?D.K., Buffalo, New York
You’re right, up to a point. For the time being in the U.S. we’re stuck using the outdated and easily counterfeited magnetic-stripe credit cards, while Europe is well on its way to making the more secure microchip-and-PIN credit card technology the standard. Travelers to Europe can still use their magnetic-stripe cards at ATMs, as well as at restaurants and hotels that cater to U.S. tourists and business travelers. But magnetic cards won’t work at most automated kiosks—the types that allow convenient access to parking, train tickets, gas pumps, museums and other goods and services. This can be a major hassle and can cut into the enjoyment of your trip. U.S. banks are slowly catching up and are beginning to offer microchip-secured cards, but you’ll need to explicitly request them from the card issuer. Be sure you get a “chip and PIN” card, not a “chip and signature” card, which in Europe still requires a human to complete the transaction.


For answers to reasonable questions relating to food and drink, fashion and taste, and sex and dating, write the Playboy Advisor, 9346 Civic Center Drive, Beverly Hills, California 90210, or e-mail advisor@playboy.com. The most interesting and pertinent questions will be presented in these pages each month.


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