My boyfriend and I have been dating for six months, and he wants us to go to a strip club together. We have always had excellent communication. When we started seeing each other he told me he’d visited a few such clubs, and without giving it much thought I told him it would be fun if we went together. Now that we’re getting more serious, I’m not so sure. He brought it up again recently and wouldn’t let it go, so I got upset. I finally told him I have no interest in seeing strippers, and now he’s mad and says he feels duped. Is it unreasonable of me to feel that I’m right and he’s the one who’s wrong?—S.S., Los Angeles, California
Apologies to Fight Club fans, but doesn’t your boyfriend know that the first rule of strip clubs is “Don’t talk about strip clubs”? Joking aside, you have to give him credit for being honest about his interest; he has been more transparent than a lot of guys would be. Whether you intended to or not, it does sound as though you misled him at the beginning of your relationship, and you need to fess up to that. He’s within his rights to be disappointed. But you also owe it to yourself to be honest about the issues surrounding strip clubs that bother you. We’re guessing this isn’t so much a matter of your being cool with going to a strip club as it is a matter of your being cool with him going to a strip club. If it’s an essential philosophical and political conflict, this might become a compatibility issue for the two of you. Better to keep a level head, talk it out and not make this about whether you accompany your boyfriend or not. The “why” and “how” regarding your feelings about strip clubs are more important than the “if” and “when.”
This question is from the May 2015 issue of Playboy. To read the rest of this Advisor column, click here.
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