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Advisor: Is Tinder Making Me a Sex Addict?

Advisor: Is Tinder Making Me a Sex Addict?: JLT

JLT

I’m a 28-year-old male who recently ended a five-year relationship. Since the breakup I have been dating as much as I can and, thanks to the Tinder app, have been having more sex than I ever thought possible. Now I’m afraid I’m becoming a sex addict. Maybe I was a sex addict all along and my relationship was hiding that fact without my realizing it. Although my girlfriend and I used to have sex twice a week, I would masturbate to online porn pretty much every day without fail, which seems to be kind of a lot. And now I’m using real women the way I used to use porn—except that these days I have to deal with their wanting to spend the night or have breakfast or hang out. I haven’t felt much more than the thrill of the hookup nor much attraction, and I tend to drop the women afterward. Do you think I’m handling this the right way?L.D., Brooklyn, New York

We think you’re handling this in a pretty typical way for a horny dude in his 20s who just got out of a long-term relationship. Having as much consensual sex as possible with people who aren’t your five-year partner is a post-breakup ritual worth indulging. If you can handle it honorably and with grace, then by all means enjoy yourself. There’s no way of knowing how long this run will last or remain appealing, so it’s better to have a memory bank full of good stories than regrets about not having acted.

The ease with which you can hook up digitally, particularly in a big city such as yours, is a fine thing. In the past, men romanticized the dating prowess they possessed during their high school or college days; in the future, the urban American single people of today will no doubt look back on their 20s and early 30s as the golden era of Eros.

You say you’re worried you might have a latent sex addiction. From what you report, your behavior doesn’t sound entirely out of the ordinary. But ask yourself if your family, friendships or work life is suffering as a result of your dating. If any of them are, then assess how much time you spend arranging and carrying out these hookups and see if you can scale back. However, it sounds as though you’re having fun for now, so until it becomes unfun, it’s not likely an addiction.


This question is from the SEPT 2015 issue of Playboy. To read the rest of this Advisor column, click here.

For answers to reasonable questions relating to food and drink, fashion and taste, and sex and dating, write the Playboy Advisor, 9346 Civic Center Drive, Beverly Hills, California 90210, or email advisor@playboy.com. The most interesting and pertinent questions will be presented in these pages each month.


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