Photo courtesy of [Thomas Hawk / flickr](

Photo courtesy of Thomas Hawk / flickr

Your heart sinks to the very most bottom portion of your stomach. You just saw flashing lights in your rear-view mirror and you’re now being pulled over. Most of the drivers on the road have experienced this utterly sinking feeling and we all hate it. But alas, cops turned Reddit users have given us the chance to look at their method of dealing with the bad eggs of the department. Hopefully this gives you relief knowing that sometimes payback is given to those in positions of authority also.

1. Different Breeds Lots of cops in my family.

They say there are three kinds of cops:
1) Guys who want to protect and serve their communities.
2) Adrenaline junkies.
3) Guys on a power trip.

Type 2 gets fed up with the boring nature of police work. They don’t get to engage in all the car chases and shootouts they wanted. So they can become assholes. Type 3’s are assholes right out of the gate. They will do anything to feel like they are above you.

2. Corporate Accounts Payable, Nina Speaking. JUST a Moment. It’s called TCRU aka Telephone Crime Reporting Unit. If you are incompetent and can’t be trusted on the street, or otherwise get in trouble, but can’t be fired because of procedure/union rules you get to sit in an office all day. Answer the phone and take police reports.

3. Quota Problems We had a guy who once wrote a ticket for something like 20 over the speed limit when the radar actually read something like 7 or 8 over. Supervisor found out about it and made him take back the ticket and apologize to the people he did it too. The officer is allowed to do minor tasks, and he is watched closely on what he does. He’s the only officer I’ve heard of doing this. Not too many guys trust him, because they don’t want to be seen in the same light.

4. Laziness Meets Corruption My dad was the laziest cop on earth. He would literally call in his “lunch” (he worked nights) and then come home and sleep for about two to four hours. Then pretend he just forgot to call back in to tell them he was off lunch.

He managed to stay on patrol for over 30 years. No, I’m not kidding. But he also never moved up. He also didn’t really keep cop friends very long. Probably because they wanted to distance themselves.

I don’t have a relationship with him.

5. Don’t Mention the Barbecue to Craig My brother is a cop. Our town is about 65k population. We don’t really have cops that are “bad eggs” (they might be but they’re not crooked or whatever, at least to my brother’s knowledge), but my brother says there’s a handful that the rest of the cops call “fighters”. They basically go to work every day with the idea that if they go home and haven’t fought someone, it was all a bust.

So they go to work, they pull people over and act like assholes. They see the person they pulled over had an assault charge in their past, and they’ll start getting antagonistic with the person. Try and goad the dude into losing his temper. Or they’ll sit around the bars at closing time and find the drunk guy being a bit too loud as he’s leaving and get out of the car and start spouting off about disturbing the peace, and hope that the drunk dude does something that will escalate into a physical altercation. Technically they’re enforcing the laws, but they’re generally being dicks in hopes that they can fight someone.

To the rest of the cops, according to my brother and my cop friends who I hang out with through my brother, they’re not really respected by other cops, because they contribute to the eff the police attitude, which makes every other cop’s job that much more of a pain in the ass. People with bad experiences with the police, dislike police. They can get confrontational with police as retribution for some other bad experience they had with some other cop. They don’t want to cooperate with an investigation.

Typically they’re kind of ostracized by the rest of the cops. At police balls, or the department Christmas party they tend to sit in their own little group and share recent fight stories or hilarious anecdotes of ways they were dickheads to someone. None of the other cops really want anything to do with them. The other cops don’t respect them. Nobody invites them over for weekend barbecues. And the “fighters” just pal around in their own little group.

6. Medal of Honoring the Homeless My cousin is a cop in NYPD, his partner was harassing this homeless guy, and it got physical. My cousin busted his hand fighting his partner. Partner tried to say the homeless guy did it. Cousin took none of that, was awarded a medal. In the lower and higher echelons, (beat cops and commissioner’s office), corruption is reviled. It’s the quasi powerful middle.

7. Coming in Guns Blazing Pretty sure my alcoholic grandpa was the “bad egg” of his department.

Once heard a story at the barbershop about how one day, he showed up while on-duty for a haircut and needed to use the rest room. Someone had locked the door after leaving, so apparently instead of asking the shop owner for the keys, he whipped out his gun and just started shooting at the door handle.

He also routinely had the cops called on him at home for noise violations, but nothing was ever done. (He had these giant speakers attached to his record player and would put them in his front windows and just BLAST music at all hours of the night so he could listen to it while drinking out on the stoop.)

My favorite story, though, is when he broke into the church rectory to wake up the priest (again, while absolutely shitfaced) to demand that the priest baptize him that night. My grandma had just died and he was worried that he wouldn’t get to see her in heaven, since she was Catholic and he wasn’t.