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17 Lies Porn Tells Us

17 Lies Porn Tells Us: Photo credit: Briana Blair

Photo credit: Briana Blair

Did you guys know that you can double your penis size just by clicking a button? I swear. Also, all of your teachers want you to stay after class because they want sex, not because you’re failing English Lit. Here are some other lies that the porn industry has tricked us into believing.

1. 30 Minutes or Less

It created unrealistic expectations about how long it takes for a pizza guy to come.

2. All work and no play…

That there is no exercise required, and you will never get tired.

3. The Infamous O Face

Female orgasms are always that expressive.

4. Definitely would not want to watch porn in 4-D

That buttholes don’t smell bad. You can’t smell porn.

5. It’s like South Park said: A blowjob isn’t with your mouth, it’s with your heart

Women all love giving blowjobs and are enthusiastic about giving them.

6. And they can actually put the sunscreen on themselves

That when you turn up to clean a hot woman’s pool, she actually just wants you to clean the pool.

7. If anything, it’s a sign that you should get them checked out

That something was wrong with my boobs because they aren’t perfectly spherical and gravity-defying.

8. I can’t vouch for this one

Every guy except me has a 12 inch black penis.

9. High speed car chases end quicker

That sex must last a minimum of 45mins to be good.

10. They are very agreeable

That women say “yes” a lot.

11. And they all have step-children

That older women (milf/cougars) are horny 24/7 because their husbands don’t touch them anymore and they prefer young boys.

12. It’s like a caterpillar turning into a butterfly, but now they have kids

All women are 18 for 4 years. At which point they become MILFs overnight. There is no middle ground.

13. And their bikinis are always three sizes too small

That there are loads of hot, barely dressed women wandering around lost near the beach.

14. It’s completely free! Except for all the money you have to pay us!

That hot girls in my area wanted to meet me.

15. Maybe they all have latex allergies

Condoms? What?

16. I’m not convinced that this isn’t true

Japanese genitals are pixelated.

17. Yes

That women may want to have sex with me.

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