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8 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Sending That Dick Pic

8 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Sending That Dick Pic: Comedy Central

Comedy Central

You have a dick. No getting around that. Nature rolled the dice and you popped out with a built in kick stand. The problem is, it’s in your pants most of the time hidden from view and all you want to do is let the people you love see it. Right? Not so fast. Before you go snappin’ away with your camera phone like Anne Geddes on crack, you might want to take a second and ask yourself these questions:

1. How well do I know the recipient?
Did you just meet her? Have you ever met her? It’s always a good starting point to know someone before sending them a picture of something you didn’t let anyone see until you were 21.

2. Does this person want to see my dick?
Have you ever given someone a gift and they gave it back to you? It’s awful. Now imagine giving someone a picture of your shwance, and them saying, “Uh yeah, no thanks.” Ouch. If that doesn’t make it crawl back inside your body like a sad turtle nothing will.

3. Am I happy with the way my dick looks?
Ah ha, you didn’t really consider this, did you? Hey maybe you have an ugly penis. That’s okay and you shouldn’t feel bad, just don’t go showing your hideous dick to everyone within a 10 mile radius.

4. Am I comfortable with the recipient showing all her friends?
Chances are, if you send someone a picture of your wang, they’re going to show everyone they know that picture of your wang. No getting around the fact that they’re going to get a second and third opinion.

5. Could this end up online?
Yes, yes it could.

6. Am I a politician or professional athlete with lots to lose?
Great question. As unfair as it sounds, even people with the last name Weiner can’t send dickpics without professional repercussions. If you like your job, maybe keep those pecker pics private.

7. What do I have to gain from sharing my dick?
Are you doing it for pride? Do you want a pic in return? Did you strike a deal for a dick pick in exchange for a large sum of money? It’s always important to remember your true motivation before exposing yourself to basically the whole world.

8. Do I do this a lot?
Self-evaluating is always good. It never hurts to be aware of who you really are. Realizing there is a problem is the first step to healing. Plus you can free up a lot of memory space on your phone by deleting all those cock shots.


Tony Sam is a comedian and can be found on Twitter at @toekneesam.

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