Being someone’s personal assistant is a pretty standard job, especially in Hollywood. Every major star, or even mediocre star for that matter, probably has someone that helps them out with their day-to-day life. I’m not talking about an agent or a publicist; I mean the person who makes appointments and gets coffee.

Rob Lowe is a busy man with a tight schedule, and there’s a lot of things he can’t be bothered with. In fact, according to TMZ Rob Lowe is looking for a new personal assistant. And his list of job qualifications is pretty weird. Let’s take a look:

– Never assume anything
– Ensure the CLIENT [Rob] is fed and has coffee throughout the day
– Schedule haircuts every episode for the CLIENT
– Ensure that the CLIENT HAS A DINNER PLAN IF ARRIVING HOME LATER THAN 8 PM in the evening
– Make sure you let Estate staff know if the CLIENT wants a Jacuzzi turned on or a massage ordered for his arrival
– Willing to travel on location as requested and serve as the CLIENT’S body man
– Able to lift up to 25 pounds as required to support THE CLIENT

OK, I have a lot of questions.

First of all, what does “Never assume anything” mean, and why is it the first item on the list? The meals and coffee and haircut stuff I can understand; even the Jacuzzi and massage stuff is a bit extravagant but somewhat expected. What really makes me wonder is the part about being able to lift 25 pounds. That’s an oddly specific number. What the hell does Rob Lowe need help lifting?

If you read this and think you’d be a perfect fit, you should try getting in touch with Rob. I’m not sure where one would apply, but perhaps try commenting on his Instagram? At the very least you can spend a minute basking in his generous heart and chiseled features.

Code Black tonight!

A photo posted by Rob Lowe (@robloweofficial) on

#desert portrait by @randallslavin

A photo posted by Rob Lowe (@robloweofficial) on