The worst part about getting drunk is waking up the next morning with a nasty hangover. Now imagine waking up hungover and your balls are missing.

That’s exactly what a Russian soap opera actor claims happened to him. After a night of drinking, Dmitry Nikolaev went home with a beautiful blonde woman. When he woke up the next morning at a bus stop missing his wallet, cell phone and his testicles. He was then taken to a hospital where doctors told him his little friends had been removed with surgical skill.

Here’s Dmitry’s account of the night:

Police are now tracking a gang involved in organ harvesting as a result of the incident. But, come on? Really? Some gang just stole a guy’s testicles? Is there some scrotum-transplant surgery we haven’t been told about? Color us skeptical on this one.