You noticed her as soon as you walked in. So did everyone else. She’s hot, she’s the center of attention and she knows it.
Most guys will write her off. They figure they don’t have a chance anyway, so they don’t approach her—at least not without having drunk a few glasses of liquid courage. They protect their ego by saying that she’s probably just a bitch or isn’t their type.
Think of it this way: she’s not a nun. She dates and hooks up with men. Whatever those men did to get her interest, you can do too. As a professional dating coach who teaches men the secrets of dating the most beautiful women, these are my four rules to live by.1. SHOW HER YOU THINK YOU’RE WORTHY
In a random bar, it’s not the most beautiful women who get hit on the most, it’s the women who are one level down from that. They’re still cute, but most guys think they are less intimidating to approach and their chances will be better.
There’s an important signaling effect going on here. Men who don’t think they are worthy of the hottest women don’t tend to approach the hottest women. By approaching the women you’re attracted to—even if your heart is beating 10,000 times a minute—you’re actually making yourself more attractive to her.
An ex-girlfriend of mine, who is a fashion model and classic “10,” described an average night with her girlfriends like this:
At first everyone stands and stares. It’s weird, so we mostly talk to each other. After a while, some guy will get drunk enough that his friends will push him over to come talk to us. Because he’s drunk, he usually makes an ass of himself and none of us are interested. But everyone sees us rejecting him and that confirms to everyone that we’re stuck up and then everyone else is too scared to come over.
The first secret to dating beautiful women is to only approach beautiful women. You’ll be amazed at how this changes your game.2. NO ONE HAS FUN DEFUSING A BOMB
One of the things I do at Love Systems is teach bootcamps where we take a few clients out to bars and clubs for a weekend to work on their game until they are attracting beautiful women on their own. At the very beginning of the weekend, most guys start at the same place: they talk to beautiful women like they are defusing a bomb, choosing their words carefully, being cautious and not taking risks.
This actually hurts your chances. She will realize that you’re treating the conversation with her as your Super Bowl and she’ll be turned off.
Relax, joke with her, tease her and act like you’re just out having fun. Beautiful women often crave a man who’ll just treat her normally. Most guys put her on a pedestal; she wants a guy who is on her level, who appreciates her beauty but isn’t rendered speechless by it.
There’s a lot that goes into flirting and teasing that we practice in our seminars, but to oversimplify, try this: tease a beautiful woman the way you’d tease your little sister. It can be friendly, even affectionate, and nothing she says would ever upset you or affect your self-image.3. ACKNOWLEDGE HER LOOKS AS A TICKET TO PLAY, NOT TO WIN
She knows she’s beautiful. She’s been told a million times.
Complimenting her looks is often a waste of time and just lumps you in with other guys. It’s a good idea to find other qualities of hers that you like and compliment those. But don’t go overboard or pretend you didn’t notice her looks—that’s fake and she knows it’s not true.
Steer a middle ground, something like: “Damn, you are hot. I love sexy redheads. I had to come over here to see if there was more than meets the eye.” You’re acknowledging that her looks got her in the door with you, but that you’re looking for more than just a pretty face to take her across the finish line.
If you’re specifically looking to get a one-night stand, and you’re sexy and specific about what exactly you like and what that makes you want to do with her, then go for it. A big part of getting a one-night stand is showing her confidently what you want in a way that is attractive to her.4. GIVE THE GIFT OF JEALOUSY
We discovered at Love Systems that jealousy has a huge effect on attraction. This is part of what we call “preselection.” Essentially, women like men whom other women are attracted to. Especially with beautiful women, who tend to attract elite men, she subconsciously expects other women to be interested in you. If none ever seem to be, she might wonder if she’s missing something about you that other women are seeing. After all, other men are certainly interested in her.
Once she knows who you are, let her see you talking to other attractive women and let her see they’re interested in you. Show her; don’t tell her. Don’t talk about other women directly; that can be a turnoff, and besides, she should think of you as this guy that beautiful women just love because you’re so amazing, not as someone who is shocked when it happens and runs to tell her and brag about it.
Nick Savoy is the President of Love Systems and a frequent contributor to Playboy.com. Follow him on Twitter @LS_Savoy.