Everyone has secrets. That’s a given. For instance, I once flipped off a lemur behind my girlfriend’s back at the zoo, and if she had found out, we might not be together today (she loves lemurs). But that is nothing compared to the secrets that the people in this article have kept quiet for years. Brace yourselves. Some of these are pretty messed up.

1. That’s certainly one way to do it

I once helped out a female friend’s family by taking care of their cat for a week. Every day for a week, I would go over there and snoop around their house. I found my friend’s diary, and proceeded to read the entire thing. I used this information to get her to like me, and she is currently my wife.

2. Technically, it’s not hurting anyone

Cousin died when we were both seventeen. There was a reception at his house just after the funeral. I went into his room and stole all the money that was there, took some other valuables that his parents wouldn’t realize were gone. No one knows that I did it.

3. You’ll never trust a bakery again

I run a cake business. I charge people hundreds for wedding cakes. Every last one is made using Pillsbury cake mix I buy for $1 in a box at Walmart. Even my best friends think I fucking slave over the oven mixing and baking these damn cakes. If anyone knew my business and reputation would be in the toilet.

4. Maybe they should reveal this one…

Everyone thinks I have a good job and roommates but I’ve been homeless and a prostitute for over year.

5. This guy’s just living a porno

I have sex with my step mom when my dad isn’t around. I’m junior in high school and it has been going on for 6 months now.

6. Most recent college grads are unemployed anyways

I am basically living a lie. I told my entire family I was able to transfer out of community college and into a university, but I never finished up the requirements. So since I live at home, every day instead of going to school I go to the local library. My lies are so extensive; I even go to the campus and meet my girlfriend for lunch sometimes.

7. That’s not good

One summer when I was 8, my oldest cousin was maybe 16. We somehow got talking and he asked me if I wanted to sleep in his room that night. Got into bed and he asked if he could touch my penis. I was 8 and just thought it was ok so I let him. He rubs it for a bit and then asks me to do the same to him. So I do. This progresses and eventually I’m sucking his cock. I wake up and he hands me some money and tells me never to tell anyone about what happened. Next night he tries to do the same thing. But now all I care about is the money. So I do it. This carried on for 2 summers. I’ve not told anyone this. He’s now married with 2 kids. I’m also married and we see them sometimes at family events.

8. Definitely should keep this one to himself

One night my older sister who was 19 at the time came home pretty drunk from a party. She was acting goofy and fell on the couch next to me. She started grabbing my leg and laughing and we started fondling. We ended up having sex right there. When we woke up the next day she had no recollection of the night before so I just kept my mouth shut. Fast forward to when I’m 18. Sister is home from college and Dad is over for a visit. They get into an argument and in a fit of rage my dad announces how he has never forgiven her for the abortion she got when she was 19 and subsequently killing his grandchild. I then realize the baby she aborted was mine.

9. Holy shit…

I accidentally killed seven people. I put a rag into a new water heater exhaust to keep debris out and installed it in a rental. I get a call a week later, there’s been an accident. I show up and there’s a ton of EMS and police. They ask me where the gas shutoff is, and I go down to shut the gas off and see the end of the rag I forgot sticking out of the top of the heater. Ripped the rag out, shut the gas off and head upstairs only to be told all the tenants were DEAD. I drink all day now and sleep. It’s killing me from the inside every single day, but if I say anything my family is ruined; we have a bunch of rental properties and we’d be shut down.

10. He better be the best son in the world now

I faked having a chronic pain condition for 5.5 years in order to not have to attend middle school and high school (I was placed on a homebound program – NOT homeschooling – and allowed to study at my own pace from home). I was able to fool a team of medical professionals, my family, my teachers, and my friends into believing that my symptoms were real. Also, I racked up over $100,000 in medical bills for my family during those 5.5 years. Upon graduating from high school and getting accepted into a good university, I decided that it was time for my “pain” to go away. My family is continuing to drown in debt from medical bills I simply started the hoax because I was a 12 year old who absolutely loathed middle school.

11. They’ll certainly have an awkward post-apocalyptic encounter

Two and a half years ago I was in dire financial straights, so I sold my home to keep my struggling business afloat. I neglected to tell the owners that they have an 800 sq. ft. bunker on the property that I built about seven years ago. The bunker that I’ve called home since I sold it.