Sitting at a desk watching over security cameras has got to be an entertaining job at times. As long as you’re not asleep, it seems like you’re bound to have a good story or two. Reddit asked their users who have done some camera surveillance to share their best sightings and these are our favorites. These and other hilarious NSFW posts can be found on Reddit.
I work nights and although we have cameras our job isn’t really to focus on staring at a screen- there’s a man who actually works for the mining company that watches it, we’re there to make sure the truckers sign in/out and to keep an eye on the spots that aren’t covered by a camera. Anyway, this guy called off sick so my boss had me check the cameras every two hours. I make my round over to the cameras and see a group of miners by the shaft in one big circle. “Wtf?” I keep watching. And they’re all just staring down this shaft waiting for the elevator thing to come back up and when it finally came up from underground, there was a cow in the shaft. They open the gate and instead of making the cow leave, they all crowd by it and go back underground with the cow. By this point I radio in to the one of the main guys underground asking why there’s a cow in the shaft. Apparently, one of the miners found her and brought her underground as a prank, lost her for a week, and now won’t leave. I ended up having to call animal control and they eventually lured her out but I’ll never forget looking at that screen and seeing all those guys non chalantly crowd around the cow to go underground like it was no big deal.
BIG, FUCK OFF BOBCAT
While working at a department store at the end of a strip mall, I saw a bobcat run past the doors, heading towards Target. Several seconds later, I saw a mother, father, and two children go running past in the same direction.
A few minutes later, the family walked back past the doors, with the father carrying the bobcat. A big, fuck off bobcat. It was kinda odd.
NO STACY, MINE ARE STILL BIGGER
I saw 3 casino floor waitresses go to a storeroom behind a bar the pulling their tops down and comparing breast sizes and feeling each other for bounciness. Apparently one of them just got implants and they were comparing them to the real thing. This went on for over 5 minutes then they pulled their tops back up and went to work like it was nothing.
WHEN HUMANS ACT LIKE BIRDS
I once saw a guy try to push open a ‘pull’ door and smack his head on the glass. He then looked around to make sure no one saw. I saw you, guy, and I laughed at you.
5 PERFECT BELLY FLOPS
I worked at a hotel and we had a group of college kids come ask us if we had security footage of the pool area between 3-5 a.m. They were all excited about it so we pulled it up. They had put something in the lock on the pool door so they could get in later, we didn’t care because they were checking out anyways, but at around 3 a.m. you see them sneak in and about 30 minutes later they started a drunken belly flop competition and wanted us to tell them who won. One of them did about five perfect belly flops in a row. I am talking NO FEAR, grade A belly flops. We told him that he won and he raised his hands up in celebration, got a funny look on his face and ran outside to puke. I have yet to see a more perfect belly flop, yet alone 5 of them.
INTENSE BELLY JIGGLER
Watched two people meet up in the parking lot. They both parked, then the guy got out and got in the gal’s car with her. This happens a lot. It’s almost always an affair.
Anyway, what ensued was some of the most bizarre.. intimacy.. I’ve ever witnessed. She was a bigger gal, and when she unbuttoned her pants and lifted her shirt, I figured I knew where this was headed.. but he never went lower than her belly. This grown man just sat there for a half hour jiggling and jostling her massive belly. Shaking and patting it. The strangest part: he didn’t look like he was into it at all. He alternated between looking bored and horrified. I imagine my face was doing the same thing. About a half hour later, he answered a phone call and left abruptly. She buttoned up and drove off. I never saw them again.
LEFTOVER GUM GUY
Work at an Art Gallery. One Summer they had an outdoor installation called “Gumhead”. It was a large bust of the artist that exhibit belonged too. People were of course, encouraged to stick their used gum to it and by the end of the exhibit, it was absolutely covered in chewed, rained on, heated up & had birds shit on it. One night I’m sitting in the security room when I noticed a guy pacing around the bust. I zoomed in on him to find that he was picking the gum off the bust & shoveling it into his mouth…. I’ll never fucking forget that one.
NOT GAY BRO
I used to be a Security guard in Kuwait. Let’s just say the Kuwaiti National guards did not know they were being supervised. One of the guards had their feet up in the window of his guard booth, so I sent out a supervisor to wake him up. Turns out the guard’s relief had shown up early and was giving him head. The supervisor walked in on them mid act, but don’t worry, the guards insisted they weren’t gay. I love the middle east!
TWO FOR ONE
The vast majority of the time it’s all boring stuff. But 2 things stand out while reviewing pub footage, more gross than weird.
1. Saw a woman in a short dress shimmy over to the end of the bench seat she was sitting on, hang half her ass over the edge, pull aside her underwear and shit on the floor. All the while sipping her drink and talking with her friends, she stayed there for around 20min before moving on.
2. Another lady one night was performing oral sex on a male patron in a back corner, stop suddenly, vomit, wipe her mouth off and then continue to perform oral sex.