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Edward Snowden Tells John Oliver the Government Is Collecting Your Dick Pics

Edward Snowden Tells John Oliver the Government Is Collecting Your Dick Pics: HBO

HBO

HBO’s Last Week Tonight With John Oliver went to Moscow to interview Edward Snowden and the surprisingly authoritarian comedian (seriously - things got tense) took the NSA whistleblower to task, and then they talked about how the government is collecting all your dick pics.

Here’s the full interview:

At first, Snowden is late for the interview, prompting Oliver to say, “I’ve got two thousand rubles that says he doesn’t make it, without understanding how much that is. All I’m saying is, a ten hour flight for an empty chair — I’m gonna lose my sh*t.”

Eventually Snowden does show up and though the interview starts off light, with Oliver asking Snowden, “Do you miss Hot Pockets?” to which we were given what might be the greatest Snowden quote ever recorded, “Yes, I miss Hot Pockets very much.”

After a few more light questions about Florida and truck nuts, Oliver switches gears and throws off Snowden by asking some tough questions. “How many of those documents have you actually read?” he asked with some hefty skepticism. “I do understand what I turned over,” replied Snowden.

Oliver wasn’t having it and fired back with, “There’s a difference between understanding what’s in the documents and reading what’s in the documents … because when you’re handing over thousands of NSA documents the last thing you’d want to do is read them.”

He then continued, “So The New York Times took a slide, didn’t redact it properly, and in the end it was possible for people to see that something was being used in Mosul on al Qaeda.”

“That is a problem,” Snowden replied.

“Well, that’s a fuck-up,” said Oliver.

“It is a fuck-up, and those things do happen in reporting. In journalism, we have to accept that some mistakes will be made. This is a fundamental concept of liberty,” Snowden said.

“Right. But you have to own that then,” said Oliver, clearly pushing, “You’re giving documents with information you know could be harmful, which could get out there.”

The room was a little tense after that, so John lightened the mood by talking about a subject near and dear to all of our hearts: dick pics.

Oliver showed Edward a video of the general public knowing nothing about who Snowden is or what he did to demonstrate that the public doesn’t know or care about the NSA spying, that is, until they asked those same people how they’d feel if there was a government program collecting their dick pics. They were pissed.

“If I had knowledge that the U.S. government had a picture of my dick, I would be very pissed off,” said one of the subjects.

Snowden responded by saying, “Well, the good news is there’s no program named ‘The Dick Pic Program.’ The bad news is [the government’s] still collecting everybody’s information—including your dick pics.”

And according to Snowden, something that should scare the shit out of any chronic sexters is that, “This is something that’s not actually seen as a big deal in the culture of the NSA, because you see naked pictures all the time.” Your nudes are as common place at the NSA as Post-it notes are at your work!

So, if you’re not pissed about the government collecting any and all of your data, you should at least be pissed about them collecting all your sweet D-pics.

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