Though he’s no longer playing the wacky pundit character that made him a massive TV star, Stephen Colbert is still devoting a big chunk of his time on The Late Show to picking apart the news, lending his wit to everything from election coverage to corporate mishaps.

On last night’s show, Colbert turned his attention to the revolving door of scandals plaguing Whole Foods, from their expensive “Asparagus Water” to the recent revelation that some of their products are produced by prison inmates. Because, as Colbert wisely points out, corporations aren’t likely to stop unsavory practices until they get caught (much like prison inmates), he thought it might be easier for everyone if he took it upon himself to go ahead and apologize for all the bad stuff Whole Foods will be caught doing in the future. The result is a beautiful piece of satire covering everything from pizza chef pit fights to ground chuck actually coming from a dude named Chuck.