It’s been a rough few days for those of us who are fans of fine cured meat products. First, we learned that the hot dogs we so love might contain human DNA, and then we got the World Health Organization telling us that our beloved bacon and sausages can give us cancer just like cigarettes and asbestos. These are dark times indeed, and as with so many other dark times for red-blooded, carnivorous Americans, Stephen Colbert was there to save the day.

After lamenting how the news might affect his parenting routine (he wakes his kids up with bacon, like the hero that he is), Colbert arrived at a very important conclusion. According to the WHO, he can’t smoke cigarettes, and he can’t eat bacon, so the solution is obviously literally smoking bacon. You’d think the segment wouldn’t get any more delightful after that stunt, but Colbert found a way: Jokes about vegetarians.