If your parents are anything like every set of parents in the world, your phone conversations are much more lengthy with your mom than they are with your dad. It’s not that either are bad, it’s just your mom wants to fill you in on A LOT more details than your dad. Here’s a look at an average encounter with your mom telling you a story verses your dad telling you a story.

YOU: What did you guys do last night?


Last night the craziest thing in the world happened. Your dad and I went out to dinner at that little place on Main Street. You know the one that you and your brother took your prom dates to your junior year? What was the girl’s name you took to dinner? Sarah, right? She’s the one that has the brother that used to work at JC Penny, but got fired for helping his friends steal belts.

Anyway, we go to the restaurant and there is absolutely nowhere to park. Usually you can find parking in the lot behind the restaurant, but it was all completely full. There was a blue truck taking up like three parking spots. I thought it was Jerry’s truck, the guy who lives down the street from us that leaves his Christmas decorations out until almost the end of January. Your dad said it wasn’t him and when we drove by his house after dinner his truck was still in the driveway, so it definitely wasn’t his truck.

So finally we find a parking spot and walk into the restaurant. There was a puddle in front of it where it had rained and, since winter is coming up, I thought they really needed to get that filled because it’ll turn to ice and be a serious liability if someone slips on it. You dad said the city would actually be the ones that needed to repair it, so I told the hostess and she said she would let them know. Who knows if she’ll actually do it. I bet they’ll wish they did once they have a lawsuit on their hands because someone fell and broke their neck.

We sat down at the corner booth because I don’t like to sit at a table and have everyone walking behind me and your dad doesn’t like them because he figures there’s more room to seat people at a table than a booth, so why should just two people take up a dining area where six people could fit? I get where he’s coming from, but it wasn’t even crowded so he shouldn’t worry about it. Plus, the restaurant knows what they’re doing. It’s not like they need him to draw up a business plan for them.

We were going to order appetizers, but the last time I was there I got the spinach dip and it wasn’t my favorite. It wasn’t that it was bad; it just wasn’t my favorite. Your aunt makes an amazing spinach dip. I guess after having hers, any that you have in a restaurant just won’t compare. We got the crab cakes instead and they were fantastic. If you ever go there, be sure to get the crab cakes. I would have ordered more, but I didn’t want to fill up on them. Did I tell you the waitress accidentally brought me a Dr. Pepper instead of a Coke? I took one drink and immediately knew it was wrong. I don’t know if she did it on purpose and was just trying to use a drink she had already poured, but I told her it wasn’t right and she took it back. She apologized, so it probably wasn’t on purpose, but the way people are nowadays, who knows? I saw a lady on the news that drowned three of her kids. Can you believe that? It’s just sick. It honestly makes you scared to leave the house because you don’t know what kind of psychopath is out there. I hope she just made a mistake, but the next time we go back I’ll order another drink from her and see if she does it again. Then I’ll know for sure.

So anyway, I had wanted their spaghetti all day. I didn’t even have to look at the menu because I knew that I was going to get the spaghetti. I told our waiter, who was a different one than the girl who served my drink. She was the hostess. When I told him, he said that they were actually out of noodles and wouldn’t have spaghetti until the next day! Can you believe that? I mean how in the world do you run out of noodles at a place that’s known for having great spaghetti? I ended up linguini instead and I honestly think I like it better than the spaghetti. It was a really nice night and I think we may try to go there again next month.

DAD: We went to dinner.

Rob is a writer and comedian based in Louisville, KY. Follow @robfee on Twitter.