When you break up with an ex, what’s the worst thing she could possibly say about you? It’s that you’ve got a small dick, right? Even if it’s not true, a scorned ex will attack you where she knows it hurts guys most: your manhood. We can’t help that we’ve been taught our masculinity can only be measured by the length and girth. Call it male body shaming.
So perhaps we can all seek solace in a recent study by condom manufacturer Skyn who “measured” the penises of more than 3,000 men. Disclaimer: They didn’t actually measure these dudes’ dicks; participants just filled out an online form. Does that sound like a research problem to anyone?
Anyway, Skyn’s results found the average penis size for guys ages 18 to 34 to be 6.1 inches when “fully aroused.” Compare that number to one in a 2015 survey of more than 10,000 men by King’s College, which deduced the average size to be 5.2 inches. In this case, an actual medical professional measured men’s members.
So, this either means that evolution is finally, miraculously listening to man’s collective outcry for larger wieners at an alarming pace, or that we’re still insecure AF about our size and choose to embellish by an inch or two. All things considered, it’s most likely the latter, as this year’s size more accurately fits a woman’s ideal, which is 6.3 inches. In other words, even when we lie, the size we settle on still isn’t enough.
But fret not, gents. There are ample resources available that argue men can grow their schlongs, you just have to do your research. For example, one New York surgeon offers a trendy, $2,000 enlargement surgery that injects blood into the main vein for a notable growth of an inch. Other less-invasive strategies proven to be temporarily effective include trimming the hedges, receiving oral sex, taking a hot shower and wearing a cock ring. Whatever you do, though, don’t lie. Even if it gets her initially interested, she’s going to discover the truth eventually— provided you can close. Anyway, sorry about the click bait.