When a woman masturbates, do you ever wonder what fantasy is playing in her head? A new survey of almost 4,500 respondents took a deep look into what fuels our solo exploits to primarily determine that not only do 59 percent of men and 65 percent of women admit to masturbating on a regular basis, but the majority of each gender still masturbates while they’re in a relationship. At firt glance, this might seem larming, as masturbation could be seen as an alternative to intimacy with or a sign of lack of desire for a partner, but experts aren’t convinced that things are so black-and-white – because they aren’t.

“Fantasies allow monogamous couples to get all the pleasure of ‘new’ sex without the pain of broken hearts and relationship,” Tracey Cox, an international sex and relationships expert, tells Playboy. “Masturbating comes with a whole slew of benefits and it is normal to do even when in a relationship. A good way to ease you and your partner’s nerves about masturbation is through mutual masturbation. It is a great way to show each other what you like at the same time.”

Cox continues in her assertion that most people struggle while balancing the benefits that come with monogamy (like history, connection, comfort, and support) with the cons (not giving into temptation because you’re in love, for one). It’s a tedious task that Cox believes can be remedied through masturbation. “A rich fantasy life can offer the solution to keeping everyone happy,” she adds.

The survey, conducted by Lovehoney, one of the world’s biggest global sex toy retailers, sought to discover what gets us off while we’re alone and delved deep into our innermost fantasies via a lengthy survey. They then categorized the results by gender.

As it turns out, categorizing the results was a fruitless endeavor as men and women’s fantasies were starkly similar. In fact, each of the top fantasies were ranked the exact same among men and women. Our delicate masculinities will be pleased to discover the most common fantasy among both were sexual situations involving their current partner, accounting for 69 percent of men and 60 percent of women. Aw, well, doesn’t that just tug on the old heart-strings.

But fair warning: It gets worse from here. In a close second is the far more disconcerting fantasy that involves a sexual encounter with an ex (men: 58 percent; women: 48 percent). Coming in third was erotica seen online or through a mobile device (men: 57 percent; women: 43 percent) and the final two, roleplay and BDSM, each accounted for roughly 30 percent between the genders.

Better yet, the results determined the majority of respondents don’t think masturbation detracts from sexual enjoyment, so keep on keeping on, fellas, especially during national masturbation month. In fact, 21 percent of men and 34 percent of women even think masturbation enhances the act. Not only that, but 60 percent of men and 69 percent of women argue that masturbation improves their mood and relieves stress.

So all in all, these results are fairly encouraging, aside from the whole sex-with-your-ex bit, and not necessarily surprising. But considering fantasies featuring yourself outweigh those with the ex, it’s just something else you can shove in his smug face should you ever run into each other. Actually, don’t do that. You’re with her now. You’ve already won.