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A Taco Bell in Chicago Has Applied for a Liquor License Because All Men Must Die

A Taco Bell in Chicago Has Applied for a Liquor License Because All Men Must Die: Pity the kid who has to clean the bathroom.

Pity the kid who has to clean the bathroom.

Taco Bell is a well-known destination for bar-hopping drunks craving late-night food. But now the fast-food chain is hoping to cut out the middle man by offering alcohol in house.

Yum! Brands, which owns Taco Bell, has applied for a liquor license for its planned Wicker Park location. If the licence is granted, it will become the first Taco Bell in the world to serve alcohol. It will also become the last Taco Bell in the world that anyone over the age of 25 should visit.

Aside from alcohol, a company spokesman said the upcoming 1439 N. Milwaukee Ave. location will also be home to a “completely new urban restaurant design.” I assume this “urban” design will include a metal floor grating that allows for easier cleanup of excess blood, urine, and feces, and perhaps a triage center to deal with the inevitable stabbing victims.

Image via lauraagudelo272.wordpress.com.

Image via lauraagudelo272.wordpress.com.

On the one hand, I appreciate the fact that a Taco Bell with alcohol means I wouldn’t have to walk two extra blocks after the bars close. On the other hand, that short walk is a very important tool for weeding out people who are too drunk to continue. If you can’t walk to Taco Bell, that’s your cue to go home. By eliminating the extra step, Taco Bell is just asking for trouble.

Then again, there are dozens of better places to get a late-night taco in Chicago. If you’re heading to Taco Bell at 2 AM, you’re probably looking for trouble anyway. So if Yum! Brands wants to go Lord of the Flies with this location, I’m all for it. Let the Doritos Locos Tacos chips fall where they may.

(H/T: BroBible)

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