Well, it’s that time of year again. Jeopardy! is administering its annual test to select smart-ass contestants to appear on the long-running game show. If you think you possess the mental mettle to go toe-to-toe with some of the country’s sharpest minds (and one of its most ruthless television personalities), you’ll have three chances to prove your worth.
As someone who has taken said test many, many times before, please know that it is fucking hard, or at least way harder than you’d expect. But that won’t stop me from giving it another shot this year, because one of my life goals is to appear as a contestant on Jeopardy! and have Alex Trebek passive-aggressively attack what I do for a living.
There are lots of great reasons to tune into America’s greatest game show every night—like proving how much smarter you are than the people on TV as well as your viewing companions—but the best is waiting for Trebek to snark on the contestants he has deemed as being intellectually and/or socioeconomically inferior to him.
Trebek’s thinly veiled disregard for the lowlifes with whom he is forced to interact on a nightly basis has been such a hallmark during Jeopardy!’s long run that it’s practically its own cottage industry. The “Mean Alex” Tumblr collects some of the host’s most well-crafted putdowns; my recent favorite is Trebek’s absolute dagger after a contestant professes her affinity for nerdcore hip hop:
Susan: It’s people who identify as nerdy rapping about the things they love: video games, science fiction, having a hard time meeting romantic partners. You know, it’s really catchy and fun.
Alex: Losers, in other words.
If you, too, would like to be savagely burned by a saucy, 76-year-old Canadian, sign up on Jeopardy!’s site now. Register on Jeopardy’s website now and log on tonight at 5 p.m. PT, May 31 at 6 p.m. PT, or June 1 at 8 p.m. PT to take the test.