||Expanded! All newborns are now required to buy insurance through the governmental exchange.
||Repealed! Consider pulling yourself up by your bootstraps to cure that cancer.
||Are you a responsible gun owner? Fuck you.
||Maybe there’s something the Second Amendment people can do about you gun-control freaks…
||If you touch American soil with your tongue, congratulations, you’re a citizen.
||At least there are plenty of jobs building that wall
Mexico refuses to pay for.
||She’s the first president to enact laws based on
how many retweets they get.
||He’s the first president to use a Twitter poll to determine which type of torture a prisoner gets.
||Recycle, recycle, recycle! Just like she did with all
of Bernie’s ideas.
||The EPA is now the EPPA (Environmental Profit
||Literally no changes.
||If your name sounds Muslim-y, it might be time
to head to Canada.
||420 blaze swag yolo, my fellow teens!
||Only losers smoke pot. Winners take the edge off with “success distilled” Trump Vodka.
||Investigations into private e-mail servers are now illegal.
Silicon Valley (TV show) is canceled, and Silicon Valley (valley) is now a golf resort.
||Fifty percent of your paycheck will go toward personal panda bears for the Cabinet.
||Roads and firemen? Who needs ’em!
||Your job is now in Pakistan. Flight leaves at seven.
||You can have a job at one of Trump’s new hotels…
wait, no, it’s bankrupt already.
||Corporations must be powered by garbage, like the DeLorean at the end of Back to the Future.
||Introducing Trump Oil: I drink your milkshake! I DRINK
IT UP! LOSER!!!
||Trade sanctions should totally solve this whole problem.
||We are now in a war with Iran.
||Guys, if we just talk to them, they’ll cooperate.
||We are now in a war with North Korea.
|Welfare and Poverty
||The minimum wage is now $80 per minute.
||Two words: Boot. Straps.
||Free trade is great! Did we mention your job is in Pakistan? No more free trade.
||Your next iPhone will cost $50,000. #MAGA
||Let’s not lie to ourselves: The president has basically no effect on the economy.
||Let’s not lie to ourselves: The president has basically
no effect on the economy.
||Socialized education. Just look at how well
it’s been doing!
||Privatized education. It’s been working so well
with health care!
||Well, they paid for her election, so…
||Well, they paid for his election, so…