We’ve published an article where Tattoo Artists Share Their Most Monumental Tattoo F*%&-Ups. Now we’ve created a collection of the worst experiences tattoo artists have had dealing with their customers. Not only do they have to worry about messing up someone’s skin forever, sometimes they have to deal with crazy customers trying to get their b-hole tattooed. More Reddit gold here.
CLOWN FACE CRAZY
My buddy use to have this artist guest spot at his shop. So one time when I was getting tattooed, he told the worst tattoo story I’ve ever heard. So the artist lives in a rural town, and not many new people come looking for work. One day this old lady comes in and asks for clown makeup tattooed on her face, the artist says No for obvious reasons and she leaves. The next day she comes again, this time it’s only a new artist working. This younger guy at the shop was hurting for cash at the moment and agreed to tattoo the clown makeup on her face. Little did he know that the lady had a severe mental disability. A few days later detective show up at the shop asking about the woman and the encounter with her. Turns out after she came to from her episode and realized what she did, and she killed herself.
A couple comes in, sober as a judge. They been dating two, maybe four weeks and they want each other’s names tattooed….on their anuses. Ring around their anuses with the other person’s name. Girl’s…thing won’t stop twitching while I’m doing it, I don’t know what to do. Guy says ‘Put your thumb in there, that’s what I always do.’ God help me, I did. $500 for ten minutes of work.
Tattoo apprentice here.
Not me, but my boss. Had a guy come in who wants his whole dick and balls transformed in a dragon. Boss agrees to do it for a ridiculous price, like a thousand dollars for what would take three hours or so. Ends up tattooing him in the private room at our shop, but of course everyone in the shop is DYING to know how he accomplished it. Basically, when you’re tattooing, one hand is running the machine with the needle and the other is stretching the skin tight, but like… how do you stretch dick skin? Did he have the guy get a boner or what?
Turns out he had the guy stretch it out himself. Like he spent three hours yanking his dick first one way, then the other, so my boss could tattoo the whole damn thing, then batwinging out his nuts. His original thought was for the guy to have a hard-on, but he couldn’t keep it going while it was getting jabbed with a needle (obviously).
Now our shop refuses genital tattoos and that’s why.
CHECK YOUR DATES, FOLKS
Well I’m sitting here waiting for a lady to come in so I can fix a wrong date I put on her. She looked at the stencil before we started, had her triple check everything like I always do, had her boyfriend check it, the works. Got a text this morning saying the year was wrong.
So this has got to be right up there as far as worst experiences go.
WHEN GETTING BANNED IS WORTHWHILE
A friend of mine worked in a tattoo shop but he was the piercing guy. A couple came in one afternoon and she wanted her hood (actual part to be pierced instead of the clit) pierced. Nothing unusual about this except that my buddy said they must have just finished having sex in the parking lot and homeboy finished all up in there. As soon as she got in the chair it started to ooze out and got on their chair. They were not so kindly asked to never return.
Not the worst but I had a couple come in, the girl had just turned 18 and the guy looked late thirties. She said that he was going to pick whatever he wanted for her to get tattooed on her. He chose to have his name and then 'owns me’ written across her lower stomach. Nowadays I’d turn that shit down but this was when I’d first started tattooing. I was working in a real scumbag shop where my boss was just a massive money grabber, so I didn’t really have much of a choice but to do it. So she’s getting the tattoo done, all the while he’s saying about how they’re coming back the next day for him to get her nickname on his neck 'Princess Bubby’. He keeps going out on the phone, and when he comes back she was going 'I know you’re talking to other girls, don’t lie to me’ and he’s just laughing in the most cocksure way. Towards the end she looks at him with big puppy dog eyes and goes 'I love you’ and he just replied 'I know’.
Safe to say he never came back for Princess Bubby.
ALL ABOUT PERSPECTIVE
Tattooist for 7 years, retired in 2009 for careers closer to my degrees.
Worst experience, had to work on a 40 year old, autistic woman who had a fit about needles, and people touching her (fun times). She kept moving and freaking out. NO SOLID LINES AT ALL, I did my best to conceal the moving mistakes but she absolutely loved the honu (turtle)! I understand the client’s limits but her caretakers were the worst people ever. Two 20-something medical workers that went behind the shop to do coke and smoke weed (I know because they offered). Couldn’t tell which was a nurse or social worker but after we were done, the caretakers decided hey… let’s go in the bathroom and try to f—. So me and the client are getting to know each other, I’m surprised she was willing to talk and socialize with me considering how the session went. Music changes in the shop, 10 seconds of loud sex noises, client says, “They always have fun like that in front of me."
-heart drops want to beat both their asses-
Caretakers get done, girl has jizz on her scrubs, guy has the largest wet spot on his pants, and they both stank like weed/sweat/hot garbage. Client gives me the biggest hug ever and all I feel is hate towards the caretakers.
LETTING DEMONS OUT
Maybe not the worst but the most recent odd thing to happen. This kid was having a really rough time and kept moving, and I told him to knock it off and stay still. I think he was on some drugs because he was acting really strange, but to keep still he tensed up and just started chanting "take it, take it, take it, take it” and it was really, really uncomfortable. I was about to tell him he had to cut that out too when he finally decided he had adequately taken it and stopped.
CRAZY. CRAZY FUN.
Story told to me by my artist while I was getting tattooed.
Guy and girl come into his shop and ask to get a tattoo on the chick’s back. A couple minutes into it the lady starts squirming. The artist asks her to sit still. Couple minutes later she starts squirming again. He says, “If you don’t sit still I can’t finish the tattoo.” She says, “It really hurts, but there’s something that might help.” Artists says, “Do whatever you need. Just sit still.” So, she manages to stop squirming, and it’s a while before the artist notices her head is bobbing. He looks up from the tattoo and this chick has her boyfriend’s dick in her mouth. He finishes up the tattoo, they pay and leave. A week later the artist is at a pool hall, and he recognizes the guy. They make small talk, and he asks, “How’s your girlfriend’s tattoo healing?” The guy says, “Girlfriend? That was the first day I met that crazy bitch. I haven’t talked to her since.”