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13 Teachers Share Their Most NSFW Stories

13 Teachers Share Their Most NSFW Stories: 20th Century Fox

20th Century Fox

Being a teacher is a tough racket. You know how when you get pissed off at your job, you can just tell Gary from Accounts Recievable to piss off? Well, teachers have to be extra careful. But they are only human and sometimes teachers can slip up. Here are some stories about just that:

1. Wording!

Ok, I’m not proud of this, but here we go…It was my first year teaching high school English to a bunch of thugs. I was only a few years older than some of them. Near the end of class two guys are arguing loudly and I tell them to knock it off. They ask me to settle their argument for them. This on kid, let’s call him Greg, says, “If some guy puts a gun to your head and tells you to give him a blowjob, you’d have to do it, right?” “Greg,” I say, that’s not a conversation to have during class.“ The whole class is listening intently now. "Well,” says Greg, “If someone put a gun to my head and told me to give him a blowjob, I’d do it.” “Well Greg,” I said, “I’ll remember that the next time I have a gun.” The class erupts in laughter. Somehow I don’t get fired.

2. Always keep your hands to yourself

I was teaching 7 - 8 year-olds beginning woodworking at a private school and we were painting our projects. We were in a room alone and I was a 35-year-old male. A young girl who was wearing a denim shorts and skirt set got paint all over her skirt. I caught myself with my hand under her skirt trying to wash the paint off with a wet cloth and thought “What would anyone think if they walked in on this scene?” I let her clean off the paint as best she could and finished the class.

3. Frustration often leads to inadvertent racism

Teaching a science class about goats and sheep. To show the kids (middle schoolers and high schoolers) the animals up close we planned on going to a livestock auction. To prep them for the auction, I told them to not point or raise their hands, because it was an actual auction and they might bid on the animal accidentally. For the respect of the community and business, they shouldn’t do anything that looked like they were bidding. Then the questions came: What if we bid? Who would have to pay for it? What if I raise my hand to ask you a question? What if I think the animal is cute and bid on it? One kid wouldn’t let it go, so I said, jokingly: if you bid on any of the animals, I’ll put you up for auction. Only African-American kid in the class. Didn’t get fired. Felt awful.

4. That’s something you probably shouldn’t share

My math teacher took a ruler off a student who was annoying him with it, licked it then threw it out a window. The student then retaliated by grabbing the teacher’s ruler and licking it. The teacher just sits there and says, “I don’t give a damn, I use that to scratch my balls.”

5. Sounds like the teacher had some sizable cojones

Math teacher got mad after a kid made a smart aleck remark, asked him to drop his pants in front of the whole class to prove how big his balls were. He was fired. Never found out the size of that kids balls.

6. Her son’s an idiot

8th grader came in to my classroom during my prep. In a panic, he asked, "Miss, did you see a bag of weed in here? I think I dropped it in your class this morning.” Dumbfounded, I explained that a) he shouldn’t be doing drugs, b) he definitely should not have drugs in school and c) he should so very obviously not ask a teacher to help him find said drugs. Then I went home and smoked his weed. It was a good day.

7. Are we sure he’s not a Comedic History teacher?

My father is a history teacher at a high school in the city. Once a particularly churlish student, who sat in the front row, was blatantly and shamelessly on his phone in the middle of class. Naturally, my father tells him to hand over the phone. Surprisingly, the kid gives it up without a fight. However, the kid quickly pulls another phone out of his pocket. “I have two phones,” the kid sneers. He points to the phone in his hand, “This one is for business.” He points to the phone in my father’s hand, “and that one is for pleasure.” “Well then,” my father says, “That explains why this one is on vibrate.”

8. That’s not very professional

In 9th grade, I fucked my teacher’s daughter. My teacher called me a ���man whore” in front of my whole class.

9. We can’t even raise our voices to kids anymore

Students were using perfume in water pistols. Teacher got sprayed, she stabbed student with pencil. Student got in trouble. Good times 1960.

10. Always wait until they’re legal

I was a marching band instructor (just in the summer for band camp). One of the kids was eating a bag of skittles during a break and she asked me, “Do you want to taste my rainbow?” Without thinking, I blurted out “Not until you’re 18.”

11. Of all the letters to choose…

We were discussing captcha in regards to AI vs. human intelligence and I made the mistake of using a captcha with a ’D’. Flash forward to the middle of class where I’m asking one of my students ‘Jared, you’ve seen many D’s before, but never this D. How do you know its a D? Does it have some kind of D-ness? What makes a D a D?’ etc. At this point most of the class is laughing, Jared is very confused, and I’m just hating myself.

12. You’ll need some literature knowledge to get this one

I taught Othello.

13. Definitely NSFW

Classturbation.

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