We need to stop perpetuating the myth that a bigger dick equates better sex. I realize this might be a futile endeavor considering this message has been around ever since the first asshole hominid decided to wave his big dick around for the lesser hominids to see. In fact, writing this essay already feels like a shout into the abyss; after all, what’s the point of taking down big dicks when almost every part of sociosexual culture in American is based on it. But it must be done.

Porn glorifies big dicks with their own channels, as do television and film with their own plot lines. Consider how Chris Hemsworth flopped around his donkey dick in a pair of Hanes in the trailer for 2015’s Vacation or how Broad City glorified Blake Griffin’s giant genitalia last year. Hell, Jon Hamm can’t even take a walk around the block in a pair of breathable linen pants without Buzzfeed zooming in on his “Hamm-aconda.” The shittiest part of big-dick ideology is that most often, it’s perpetuated by women.

Yes, men who have big dicks love talking about their big dicks. But more often than not, the messaging comes from straight women who have slept with these blessed men. Women love talking about dick size. Countless tweets, Instagram memes and midday sessions of mimosa-fueled female camaraderie center on discussions about how big so-and-so was last night. Seems like everyone loves a big dick, right? What’s worse is that these conversations suggest that if a dick isn’t big, by default, it’s “little,” which is actually average. But what woman boasts at brunch about the average dick she had last night?

Unpopular opinion: the bigger-is-much-better messaging is flat-out wrong. I tell you this as a woman who is—and always will be—Team Little Dick.

The average penis length is five-point-one inches. This has been proven and proven again, study after study, even as men attempt to increase the average by surreptitiously reporting false information, as 3,000 men recently did in a Skyn Condom survey. But no matter how big a man is, a woman’s vagina is only so deep—somewhere between four and seven inches, depending on the woman and state of arousal. From personal experience, I can tell you that a long dick bumping against your cervix feels like what I imagine getting fucked by the gimp suit from Se7en would feel like. In other words, getting fucked by a big dick can be painful.

Someone once told me that if you punch someone in the kidneys hard enough, they’ll pee blood. If that’s true, there are times when I’ve taken a dick so large I thought I was going to get a nosebleed. It’s awful. So from a purely physical standpoint, a five-inch penis already just feels better for women.

Next, blowing a big dick is exhausting. Why don’t you take a second to imagine sliding an eight-inch banana down your throat, whole, without letting your teeth touch it? And then do it another 100 times. To be honest, I’ve been less tired after eating two Thanksgiving dinners than I have been after blowing a big dick. Plus, there is so little you can do; the human jaw can only open so wide. A three-foot Popsicle might look fun to eat—it certainly looks more fun than a six-inch Popsicle—but when it comes down to brass tacks, you can’t do much when you can only fit a third of it in your mouth. Actually, that should be an adage cross-stitched into a pillow and given to all young women by an elderly relative.

You can have so much more fun giving oral to an average-size dick. In that instance, my mouth essentially becomes another hand. And with that kind of freedom, I can get creative AF. Like, Martha Stewart at Christmas creative.

Now, I don’t mean to generalize, but in my experience, bigger dick guys also tend to be lazier and care less about making their partner orgasm. Most of the disappointing sex I’ve had in my lifetime has been with big-dicked guys. If I walk away from a sexual encounter orgasm-less, it’s probably because some dick didn’t feel like he had to give anything more than jackhammer-like humping for a few minutes because his size would do all the work. While porn teaches us that women get off quite easily via penetration, that’s not true. According to some studies, only 35 percent of women can come from penetration alone. That means the majority of women require clitoral stimulation in order to achieve orgasm.

And thus we’ve come to the biggest problem with perpetuating the myth that bigger dicks mean better sex: it completely dismisses the clitoris and the female orgasm. Having a bigger dick alone won’t cause a woman to orgasm like lighting up a pinball machine. In my experience, bigger dicked guys have relied so heavily on the shock value and uniqueness of their anatomy they don’t give a second thought to bringing something else to the table. I’d actually love to quiz a group of big-dick men on what—and where—a clit is.

In my experience, big-dick guys don’t know how to eat pussy. They also have no chill when it comes to toys in the bedrooms. (One hung guy from my past said using one would threaten his masculinity.) Offering no expertise on the clitoris, cunnilingus and on occasion, sex toys, it becomes clear as to why a bigger dick in bed doesn’t necessarily lead to better sex.

So guys, if you ever find yourself looking down at your average-size (or less than average) best friend and thinking of him as a curse—that more women would find you more desirable if only you were bigger—please know that’s not the truth. Instead, listen to what your likely average drunk uncle says: “It’s not the size of the boat, but the motion of the ocean” or “It’s not about the length of your rod, but how you jiggle your bait.” (Why are so many mantras about dicks related to fishing?) Those mantras are true, and I promise there are plenty of women just like me out there who will be #TeamLittleDick forever.