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New Theory: Ted Cruz is the Lead Singer of Christian Metal Band Stryper

Theory after theory have popped up about GOP presidential candidate Ted Cruz, like how he might secretly be Kevin from The Office or, the most engrossing conjecture, that he might actually be the Zodiac Killer.

Well, there’s a new theory on the block and I, for one, welcome it: TED CRUZ IS THE LEAD SINGER OF CHRISTIAN METAL BAND STRYPER.

I'm not saying Ted Cruz might be the lead singer of Stryper. I'm saying he's DEFINITELY the lead singer of Stryper.

Posted by Michael Boulerice on Friday, March 11, 2016

Sadly, Cruz is not the singer of such classics as “To Hell with the Devil”. The actual dude from Stryper, Michael Sweet, is being a pretty good sport about it.

If only our politicians could follow the civil, good-natured lead of glam band singers.

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