Dudes say weird crap in sexts. It’s obviously not a thing all guys do, but it’s a quality that is not even close to being as present in messages from ladies. And it has nothing to do with level of eroticism. It’s more just a notable lack of segues and logic. Some bruh on Tinder will ask a girl what she’s doing, she’ll answer that she’s baking cupcakes for her friend’s engagement party, and the guy will reply, “Yeah, I bet you wish them desserts were made out of my dick.”

Like, what? Bro, consider what you’re even suggesting here, you masochist maniac. And that’s with a segue! But even those ultra-thin transitions aren’t always there. Trust me, I’ve seen what the fellas are texting females because my friends post screenshots on Facebook. A girl could mention that she suspects a gas leak and the guy would come back with, “Yo, let me slam into you doin’ 60 later.”

Usually though, it’s a quip that’s much, much raunchier and much, much lazier. It’s an endless supply. I mean, damn, if we could turn frantic horndog wishes into clean energy, we could restructure the global fuel industry over spring break.

So it was only a matter of time before some extraordinarily talented woman took all the bonkers text messages from frat boys and turned them into a kick-ass song. It’s called "Texts From a Beta,” and it’s a legitimately beautiful song, complete with an orchestra and choir (and the most absurd sensual lyrics ever).

[H/T Death and Taxes]