Coming up with a name for a new baby is an agonizing process which often leads parents to simultaneously murder each other. But, let’s face it, babies need names. To make matters worse, in most cultures, it’s the parents’ duty to name their own babies instead of waiting for the baby to name themselves.

In a perfect world parents could name every boy Kent and every girl The Denver Broncos and be done with it. But our world is far, far from perfect. It’s tricky. You don’t want too common of a name, yet only celebrities can pull off the really unusual stuff like “Blanket” and “Gary.” Parents can try to find the middle ground between basic and bizarre by making minor spelling changes to common names, such as adding an F to Jeff to make it “Jefff” or adding an F to Steve to make it “Fsteve.”

Another option is to let a stranger from the Internet name your baby. That’s where I come in. I’ve been called a lot of things, and “great name making man” is all of them. There are enough names on this list to have you covered for your first 20 kids. If you have any more than that, you will unfortunately have to put them up for adoption. Here are the 20 hottest baby names of 2015, according to me.

  1. NAME: Broth
    SEX: Girl
    MEANING: “Wasp-filled taco.”

  2. NAME: Breffy
    SEX: Girl
    MEANING: “One who breffs.”

  3. NAME: Brench
    SEX: Boy
    MEANING: “Constantly screaming for oatmeal.”

  4. NAME: Broiths
    SEX: Girl
    MEANING: “She who is a baby.”

  5. NAME: Brornt
    SEX: Boy
    MEANING: “Lord of lightning and sweet corn.”

  6. NAME: Brorch
    SEX: Uni
    MEANING: “A covered area adjoining an entrance to a building and usually having a separate roof. Oh wait, that’s a porch.”

  7. NAME: Brundle
    SEX: Girl
    MEANING: “Little brundle of joy.”

  8. NAME: Bruggle
    SEX: Boy
    MEANING: “Pancake thief.”

  9. NAME: Broifbar
    SEX: ???
    MEANING: None

  10. NAME: Bresk
    SEX: Girl
    MEANING: “Undisputed king of casseroles.”

  11. NAME: Brenf
    SEX: Male
    MEANING: “The lamp-maker’s secret.”

  12. NAME: Broind
    SEX: Girl
    MEANING: “God’s favorite ice cream toppings.”

  13. NAME: Briff
    SEX: Boy
    MEANING: “Brutal conquerer of the hat industry.”

  14. NAME: Broif
    SEX: Boy (obviously)
    MEANING: “Fantastic quilt.”

  15. NAME: Bremm SEX: Girl
    MEANING: “Swamp friend.”

  16. NAME: Brufe
    SEX: Girl
    MEANING: “Extremely ducklike.”

  17. NAME: Bronch
    SEX: Boy
    MEANING: “Easily blown away by high winds due to excess skin.”

  18. NAME: Brogg
    SEX: Girl
    MEANING: “Permanently tangled up in Christmas lights.”

  19. NAME: Brofer
    SEX: Uni
    MEANING: “Rubbermaid tote with a mismatched lid that has to be duct taped on.”

  20. NAME: Brank
    SEX: Girl
    MEANING: “Grandfather of all clouds.”

If none of these names suit you, may I suggest simply closing your eyes, spinning in a circle, opening your eyes, and naming your child after the first thing you see. “Grandfather Clock,” “Bag of Spoons,” or “A Baby” would all make wonderful names, and you’ll have a great story to boot. Otherwise, consider going nameless. It seems to work just fine for deer and bikes.

Jacy is a Facebook warrior and a sprots fan. Follow him on Twitter: @ieatanddrink.