Ranging from comedians, actresses, television writers to the casual “Tweet when I’m bored” humorists, those who made this list are who I consider to be the funniest women on Twitter. Some of these females I have been following for years and others I have recently had the pleasure of stumbling upon, with many new faces ending up ranking very well. While there may be some hilarious fan favorite female comedians out there, that does not necessarily mean they are funny on Twitter. These women however made the list based on a number of factors mainly including consistency and hilarity. One of the silliest things I see on the internet regularly is “Girls aren’t funny”, so this list aims to disprove that ludicrous statement and open your eyes to fifty women worthy of your follow.
Me: Number 17 please— ceeks (@70Ceeks) December 10, 2014
McD: We dont have a 17
Me: Its 2 # 2s, a # 13, an apple pie & a fudge sundae
McD: Ok that’ll b-
Me: 22.17, comin around
She just happens to be one of those smaller accounts that really deserves more recognition. The perfect setup and delivery of this tweet alone proves this.
49. GABBY NOONE
saying “i only dress for me” is a big lie, we should all be dressing in hopes that elderly women on the street tell us we look “sharp”— Gabby Noone (@twelveoclocke) November 11, 2014
Current writer for Rookie Mag and contributor to Buzzfeed, Gabby can be found spreading joy throughout the interwebs.
48. JESS [HAM]
Shout out to sidewalks.— Jess [ham] ☂️ (@thejessbess) January 28, 2013
Thanks for keeping me off the streets.
I’ve been following Jess for years now with good reason, her references to classic hip-hop mixed in with her humor makes for some excellent tweets.
47. TRIBAL SPACE CAT
Very normal stages of anger:— hannah (@TribalSpaceCat) December 7, 2014
1) kinda upset
3) imagining yourself singing a revengeful song to them at a talent show
While we can’t be entirely sure what her twitter handle means, we can be sure on one thing, “she is flirting with you”.
46. CAITLIN STASEY
When you stuff your socks into other socks it’s enforced cannibalism— Baby Lady (@caitlinstasey) February 12, 2015
Outspoken feminist combined with a successful acting career, Caitlin has both brains and talent.
45. NICOLE / RELATABLE DAD
“our little jack just turned 39 months today–” hold on let me whip out my god damn TI-83 for this one— nicole (@relatabledad) September 26, 2014
Nicole is simply a sweetheart, with a bunch of tweets that will make you both groan and chuckle, follow she is one of my favorites.
44. KELGORE TROUT
i bought a swiffer and all it does is collect dust.— guz (@balls_ignorer) January 11, 2015
Kelgore is an extremely entertaining tweeter who will be soon bringing another bright little twitter star into the world, congrats!
Just like mom used to make. pic.twitter.com/Fb1Ia38gDO— Yael (@elle91) December 8, 2014
Yael is quickly cultivating followers, with numerous quality tweets and witty replies she’s a delight.
42. MARA WILSON
Hey kids, remember the feeling you got when you cleaned your room without being asked and no one noticed? That’s what adulthood’s like.— Mara Wilson (@MaraWilson) May 19, 2013
You may remember her as the child star in such films as Matilda & Mrs. Doubtfire, well now she’s all grown up and writing some really thought provoking pieces & witty anecdotes.
41. YUNG SPIDER GOD
Jaws (1975): people started hating a shark for doing normal shark things— YUNG SPIDER GOD (@buttgh0st) July 29, 2014
Even though Miss Spider God specializes in relatable tweets catered towards teens, her movie synopses and Lord of the Rings commentaries appeal to any age group.
40. BEHIND YOUR BACK
someone finally told me what DTF means so now I end all my replies to depressed people with it so they know I’m “down too, fuck”— maura quint (@behindyourback) December 6, 2014
Maura is wonderful but I really put her on this list in exchange for one of her coveted mix CD’s.
Little is known to me regarding Lanyardigan, but within this mystery lays loads of laughter (tongue twister).
38. PIN UP TEACHER
Starting to regret agreeing to this ice cream date. Hi, nice to meet you. This is what it looks like when I lick something.— Pin Up Teacher (@pinupteacher) July 11, 2014
Suzanne is wonderfully clever gal whose pallet of jokes range from surprisingly cute to risqué.
37. ROBIN MCCAULEY
Saw a couple holding hands while jogging and it made me hopeful that one day I will meet someone who will hate them with me.— Robin McCauley Lynch (@RobinMcCauley) March 5, 2014
An excellent artist, fellow attendee of the University of Minnesota, and a contributor to WitStream, Robin’s tweets have appeared on Ellen, National Lampoon and Reader’s Digest with good reason.
36. EYE SPYDER / SHARLA TSWEB
Having trouble closing the door? Screw it. The door is a jar.— Sharla Tsweb (@eye_spyder) December 10, 2013
Sharla Tsweb has mastered the art of the pun, from the ones that make you laugh and groan to the ones that make you double take, they’re all here.
35. KAREN KILGARIFF
I start every drive-thru order with “Hey, it’s Karen again…”— Karen Kilgariff (@KarenKilgariff) December 12, 2013
With an excellent standup career and superb work on the Mr. Show, it’s no mistake that Ms. Kilgariff made the list.
34. ABHORRENT HOUSEWIFE
*looks up from phone*— Abhorrent Housewife (@abhorrent_wife) June 24, 2013
“Kids!! we’re leaving the playground in 22 percent.”
Abhorrent Housewife has a style that appeals to all ages, the lack of brackets and asterisks I see so regularly I find refreshing.
33. JENNY PENTLAND
No, no, honey, I said let’s have ‘ANNUAL sex’.— JennyPentland (@JennyPentland) October 17, 2014
This is just one of those tweets that make me smile every time I read it, along with many of hers.
32. MRS JOHN GOODMAN
Stressed about finals? Dont be. I never used to study. Failed exams. Did I pursue my dream anyway? No. Has it worked out? Also no— kiddo (@mrsjohngoodman) December 11, 2014
Sara is someone that won’t clutter your timeline, but instead drop in and enhance it with only a handful of funny jokes throughout the week.
31. CARLY DANGER
In a BMW manual the first page says “Drive like an asshole” and rest is just tips on how to bring up your BMW in every conversation.— Carly Danger (@carlyken) August 15, 2013
In her spare time from worshipping the dark overlord, Carly likes to make jokes online.
30. SOFIYA ALEXANDRA
Bucket list: give head while wearing the glasses w/ the googley eyes on springs, keep apologizing and putting them back in as they fall out.— Sofiya Alexandra (@TheSofiya) November 26, 2012
This Ukrainian writer & comedian can be found performing standup all across LA and if this tweet doesn’t do it for you, I just don’t know what will.
29. DANI FERNANDEZ
PORN IS BIASED.— Dani Fernandez (@msdanifernandez) November 10, 2012
Either MILF or 18. What about postgrad w/ bad credit who drives Subaru to 1pm matinees?
No one wants to jerk off to that?
Dani is a comedian, writer and a host with high hopes for new spinning rims for her Subaru.
28. TAMARA YAJIA
My therapist was wearing a fedora, which means I left my session with more problems than I had when I arrived— Tamara Yajia (@DancesWithTamis) February 20, 2015
Tamara brings a very in your face, borderline NSFW style of tweeting to your timeline that once it’s there you’ll wonder how you ever enjoyed Twitter without it.
27. ALICE WETTERLUND
Petting a cat for 10minutes releives 30 percent of your stress, according to a study published by a bunch of fucking cats— Alice Wetterlund (@alicewetterlund) March 6, 2014
Most recently starring in The Interview, Alice is funny on all mediums, from online to her live performances to her regular appearances on MTV’s Girl Code.
26. ERICA / SCBCHBUM
My dog licked the crumbs out of my computer keyboard & earned an online college degree.— Erica (@SCbchbum) October 3, 2012
One-liners to witty situational tweets, Erica brings it all to the table.
25. GHOST MOM / RADTORIA
People who are offended when I breastfeed in public need to STFU. What I’m doing is natural and strengthens the bond between me and my dog.— ghost mom (@radtoria) October 21, 2014
Effortlessly hilarious with fewer than 300 tweets and almost 6,000 followers, Victoria’s thoughts are golden and well worth the read.
24. LAUREN REEVES
“911, what’s your emergency?”— Lauren Reeves (@laurenreeves) November 10, 2013
“Hi. Long time listener, first time caller.”
“That’s really funny.”
“Thank you. Anyways, I’m being stabbed.”
Alaskan TV news anchor, turned comedian, turned writer, Lauren has an impressive background only to match her impressive line of tweeting.
23. SARAH / THE TIGER SEZ
Him: Nice to meet you.— Sarah (@thetigersez) January 12, 2015
Me: Give it time.
Sarah happens to be one the many funny women from San Francisco on this list, perhaps the air is better over there, or just worse everywhere else.
22. MANDA LIKEWINE
The patriarchy’s fatal mistake was installing windows over the kitchen sink so we could see what was outside.— Amanda M-W (@Manda_like_wine) January 13, 2015
Manda happens to be an account that I came across while compiling this list, but instantly fell for her sharp wit.
21. SOPHIA BENOIT
If you could switch genders for one day what would you do?— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) December 10, 2014
Men: play with my boobs
Women: WALK AROUND AT NIGHT WITH HEADPHONES IN
Sophia is a screenwriter currently living in LA; she’s sweet, witty and consistently funny online.
20. MOODY MONDAY
I hate it when Facebook is down and I have to call people to ask how many miles they ran that day.— moody monday (@mdob11) May 14, 2014
She may be a dentist by profession, but this Australian woman has enough of an arsenal of jokes from the past few years to be considered an online comedian.
19. AMBER EEEEEEEEE
Amber brings a different style of tweeting to the table, her short blurbs without capitalization I find funny and whimsical.
18. APARNA NANCHERLA
You’ve got to hand it to Christopher Columbus, because he would have definitely taken it anyway & then murdered you— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) October 13, 2014
A New York City residing comedian with a long list of gigs and television credits, Aparna’s observational humor is hard to dislike.
17. AMBER TOZER
Dating is collecting information about someone until you realize you don’t like them— AmberTozer (@AmberTozer) September 17, 2013
A splendid comic & writer, Amber is just swell in all that she does.
16. METH LAB FOR CUTIE
“Got any drugs or alcohol on you?”— Meth Lab for Cutie (@kiralc) January 29, 2013
“yup, I’m all set. Thanks Officer”
Just one example of how hilarious Kira is, they’re all of this caliber.
15. AUDREY FARNSWORTH
“Sure, I’ll be there,” I politely decline— audrey farnsworth (@audipenny) October 8, 2014
Audrey has loads of one or two sentence tweets that are simply funny, no beating around the bush, it’s all laughter.
14. LADY BROSEPH
Men get boners from cartoons and yet we allow them to make important decisions.— lady broseph (@ladybroseph) April 9, 2014
Kate helps create spectacular tweets, a hilarious podcast and newly a perfect little baby who is sure to carry on her comedic gene.
13. RANDI LAWSON
Opinions are like birthdays. Everybody has one & I only know yours because of Facebook— Randi Lawson (@RandiLawson) October 7, 2014
Randi is the creative mind behind products that have probably made you laugh at your local store. In addition to making those last minute gifts that everyone enjoys she’s whipping up some mighty fine tweets.
12. MAEBE MARBLES
Yeah, I’m basically a Pokemaster.— Leeloo Marbles (@maebemarbles) October 23, 2013
*waves vaguely at shelves of confused squirrels in partially sealed Tupperware containers*
One of the most genuinely kind-hearted people to grace this site, Mae graces the Twitter community with loving comments and spectacular tweets.
11. MARY CHARLENE
I drink to forget about the time I waved at someone who was waving to a person behind me— Mary Charlene (@IamEnidColeslaw) January 24, 2013
Another splendid artist, Mary Charlene brings a lot to the table (mostly coleslaw).
10. MALLORY ORTBERG
Just read this tweet.
9. SHELBY FERO
If I died first I’d want my husband to remarry. Real quickly, so people are like “That’s sort of fucked up?” and it ruins his new marriage.— shelby fero (@shelbyfero) December 8, 2014
In addition to being a young comedian Shelby works on the TV show Hey Girl.
8. KING RAINHEAD
you cant just bring bags of blood to the red cross. big waste of time & blood. “where did you get this,” theyll say. how about a thank you— KING RAINHEAD (@KingRainhead) May 16, 2014
I think this tweet speaks for itself, they’re all this good, just follow the king.
7. PEACH COFFIN
The fact that we know chameleons exist means they are worthless idiot failures— Paige (@PeachCoffin) September 19, 2014
Tweet after remarkable tweet paired with her “horny 4 justice” bio that I enjoy so much makes every visit to Paige’s timeline a treat.
6. NOT A METH LAB
Be careful of what you say online because future employers might see it and will probably want to start hanging out with you— NOT A METH LAB (@jenlaw_11) October 12, 2013
Jenny is an excellent chalk artist, tweeter and passionate bird hater. Her color changing hair brightens this website.
5. SIOBHAN THOMPSON
Are women funny? Who knows. Do women exist? Who can say. Who is buying all these hair ties? Maybe men with buns. No-one can tell.— Siobhan Thompson (@vornietom) May 14, 2014
Besides having a neat name, Siobhan boasts an extensive background in creative work such as television, sketch writing and theatre.
4. OH NO SHE TWITNT
Babies are like tattoos. They’re yours forever and maybe wait a few days before posting pictures of them so they’re not all gross looking.— OhNoSheTwitnt (@OhNoSheTwitnt) November 2, 2014
Probably the best thing to come out of New Jersey since Bruce Springsteen, Sarah makes me smile sentence after sentence she writes.
3. MEGAN AMRAM
The reason football players wear helmets is to stop them from kissing— Megan Amram (@meganamram) November 9, 2014
Harvard educated comedian and writer, Megan pops up on nearly every list of funniest Twitter personalities justly. She’s just that good.
2. TARA SHOE
religion? um, ha, no. i’m not really into the idea of letting a set of ancient rules dictate my life. plus, pisces aren’t usually religious— tara shoe (@tarashoe) January 30, 2014
Tara is a fan favorite, among one of my favorites on the entire site. Her tweets paint a certain picture that all of us can envision and enjoy.
1. ELLE OH HELL
Why call it a belly button. It doesn’t DO anything when you press it.— Elle Oh Hell (@ElleOhHell) November 3, 2014
*click click click*
*neighbor’s garage door slamming up and down*
Elle is delightful in every way, shape and form. Her tweets are quick, witty and utterly hilarious.
While Mike’s not a woman (to my knowledge), this tweet of his summarizes my feelings regarding female comedians far better than I ever could.
When you say, “women aren’t funny” all I hear is, “smart women elect not to spend time with me”— shut up, mike (@shutupmikeginn) May 24, 2013
Stephen is a joke teller and Twitter master based out of San Diego. Follow him here: @Thynebear.