We all know who the best teams in the NBA are, but what about the mascots? Even if your team is garbage you still need a good hype man running around and getting the crowd worked up by shooting t-shirts from an air cannon. We went through all the teams in the league and ranked the mascots from worst to first. Enjoy!
26. Dallas Mavericks - Mavs Man
Technically the Mavericks have two mascots in Mavs Man and Champ, but Mavs Man looks like something straight out of a McDonalds commercial nightmare. Imagine if you woke up and saw that terrifying face staring at you. I’m fairly certain that’s how you’re greeted in Hell.
25. All the teams without mascots
Somehow there are still teams that don’t even have a mascot. Who exactly is dancing with children in the aisles or jumping off a trampoline to do a windmill dunk? Get your acts together. These offenders are: The Brooklyn Nets, Golden State Warriors, Los Angeles Clippers and Lakers, and the New York Knicks, (but Spike Lee might qualify.)
24. Philadelphia 76ers - Hip Hop
The 76ers technically got rid of their mascot because, well, there’s not much to cheer for as a 76ers fan. Honestly it was probably a good call because look at this horrifying creature. It looks like what would happen if Macho Man Randy Savage and Roger Rabbit both stumbled into that machine on The Fly. If I was a child and saw that thing walking towards me I would pray for another Ron Artest incident just to have a chance to escape its glare.
23. Miami Heat - Burnie
So apparently Burnie is supposed to be a fireball like the one in the team’s logo. Sure. Can anyone explain why his nose is a basketball? That’s some sort of bizarre birth defect. If there was a creat-a-character in video games to make a mascot, this would be the default look before you added any attributes. Well, other than hot gluing a basketball onto his nose.
22. New Orleans Pelicans - Pierre the Pelican
Well this thing is a complete train wreck. I mean, props to New Orleans for sticking with their team name, but if any team needed to divert away from their source material it’s definitely the PELICANS. That thing looks like it got tangled up in a net for a week.
21. Portland Trailblazers - Blaze the Trail Cat
Um, what on earth is a trail cat? That’s not a thing, Portland. Just admit you found a cat costume in the basement and rolled with it. Now it’s starting to make sense why so many teams just didn’t bother with a mascot. There are only so many trail cats to go around.
20. Cleveland Cavs - Moondog
The problem with Moondog is that he looks like he sat down his oversized banjo and walked directly off a stage at Chuck E. Cheese. It’s like they hired a Pound Puppy to be their hype man.
19. Charlotte Bobcats - Rufus D. Lynx
The skills of Rufus D. Lynx are extremely impressive, but let’s talk about a few issues with this guy. First of all, that is the dorkiest name you could possibly give a mascot. That sounds like the name of a nerd on Saved by the Bell. Second, he’s wearing the same sunglasses that every overweight dad wears on vacation. It’s a good thing he can dunk because he looks like a dork.
18. Minnesota Timberwolves - Crunch
Despite having a name that sounds like a rejected Spice Girl, Crunch is pretty cool. He’s not the most notable one on the list, but you could do a lot worse. Crunch is good enough, and in Minnesota, that’s all you can ask for. Good for you, Crunch.
17. Houston Rockets - Clutch
Sure Clutch is in the mascot hall of fame and is beloved by the city, but come on. Why is there a giant, adorable teddy bear representing a team called the rockets? Also why is he so fat? He has all this stress weight around his midsection and it’s quite troubling. Are you ok, Clutch? What’s going on in your home life?
16. Atlanta Hawks - Harry the Hawk
Props to Atlanta for incorporating a mascot that actually has something to do with their team. He’s been with the team since the mid-80s and continutes to be a source of entertainment even if his beak makes him look a little like a deranged chicken.
15. San Antonio Spurs - The Coyote
Shoutout to San Antonio for hiring a mascot that is clearly high out of his mind on crack cocaine. Nothing besides drugs or looking directly at the Ark of the Covenant would make your face look like that.
14. Memphis Grizzlies - Grizz
Grizz is ALMOST cool. The only problem with him is that he looks a little too human so instead of just coming off like a fun, lovable mascot, he looks like a hairy friend of your dad’s that won’t stop talking about which public bathroom stalls are the most spacious. Does that make sense at all? It does, right?
13. Boston Celtics - Lucky the Leprechaun
The Celtics stuck with their logo and made their mascot a little guy in all green running around getting the crowd hyped and pulling off some crazy dunks. The only issue is that if a giant cartoon-like animal comes up and wants to give your kid a hug it’s adorable. If a sweaty guy wearing a vest does it, it’s a reason to alert the nearest authorities.
12. Indiana Pacers - Boomer
There’s a reason Boomer has been to multiple all star games and it’s not just because he somehow grew blonde whiskers. He’s always entertaining, but again, why on earth is there a house cat representing the Indiana Pacers? It seems like teams just go to a costume store and buy whatever’s on sale then just expect us to accept it. “Indiana? We’ll take the kitten with frosted tips.”
11. Utah Jazz - Jazz Bear
He loosk like Teen Wolf and does stunts on a motorcycle. He’s pretty much the cool uncle you always wished you had.
10. Oklahoma City Thunder - Rumble the Bison
The crowd in Oklahoma City is always on point, so it’s not like he has a very difficult job. Personally I’m horrified of him because he looks like a furry version of the troll from Ernest Scared Stupid. Also if you look at him face to face he has a really bad bowl cut. Who did this to you, Rumble?
9. Toronto Raptors - Raptor
Dinosaurs are awesome and Toronto realized this. It would be really hard to mess up, but Raptor avoided a goofy Barney look that could’ve ruined him. Plus he hangs out with Drake all the time, so that has to count for something.
8. Detroit Pistons - Hooper
Hooper is a horse because pistons produce horsepower. Do you get it? He doesn’t really look like anything exceptional, but he’s been known to pull out a few sick dunks with the team’s flight crew, and honestly that’s what it’s all about.
7. Washington Wizards - G-Man and G-Wiz
Unlike the other mascots that look like normal dudes, G-Man had enough sense to go all Green Man on us and decided to pull off his crazy dunks in full solid colored body suits. Plus there’s just something really cool about watching that bizarre figure running around throwing down trampoline hammer dunks.
6. Milwaukee Bucks - Bango
If you have any doubts whatsoever as to how cool Bango is, watch that absolutely insane stunt he pulled off a few years ago.
5. Denver Nuggets - Rocky
Rocky has had some fantastic moments including the time he tackled a kid and then taunted him in a youth football game, but the video above became infamous when he passed out before a stunt and was lowered from the top of the arena completely unconscious. He’s still one of the best.
4. Chicago Bulls - Benny the Bull
Benny has been a beloved part of Chicago’s culture for more than 45 years and was named the most popular mascot in the world by Forbes in 2013. He’s everything a mascot should be, even if he doesn’t take the time to wax that wicked unibrow that rests on his face.
3. Sacramento Kings - Slamson
This is, without a doubt, one of the coolest mascots of all time. First of all, his name is Slamson and he’s a lion, which is the coolest pun of all time. He looks cool as hell with a face that doesn’t look like a muppet, so pulling off dunks look even better coming from such an intimidating beats. Good job, Sacramento.
2. Orlando Magic - Stuff the Magic Dragon
Instead of going intimidating like Slamson, the Magic went with a fun, light-hearted dragon that launches debris out of his nose and dances with children. At one point they even brought out a mini Stuff that was either his child or some sort of Dr. Evil scenario
1. Phoenix Suns - Go, the Gorilla
You know all that stuff about the mascot not fitting the theme of the team? In this scenario, toss all that out the window! Go, the Gorilla is one of the greatest mascots of all time and has become iconic with the Suns even if it makes no sense whatsoever. In an ideal world, every team would have a dunking gorilla as their mascot, but life isn’t fair.
Put your knowledge to the test and enter the Playboy NBA Basketball Championship presented by FanDuel for a chance to win cash, party with Playmates and experience the Playboy Mansion.