That awkward moment when a gift bag is better than 99 percent of America’s vacation plans.
To those who believe the adage “if you are truly rich you don’t pay for a thing,” the Oscars goodie bags are a compelling bit of evidence. The question emerges, what can you get for people who have access to almost anything they want? It seems the answer would be a couple heaping tablespoons of lavish living. From insane vacations to Italy to spa packages, they seriously get some crazy shit in these bags.
A company called Distinctive Assets has been sending out gift bags for the Oscars for 15 years. The sound guys get totally boned on this deal though, because only actors and directors are the ones receiving the roughly $100,000 swag bags. So what will the accused “Hollywood Elite” be getting exactly?
For starters, you get to stay in the super famous Lost Coast Ranch, in the beautifully underdeveloped Ferndale, California. ($40,000)
Then just casually jet set to the gorgeous town of Vittoria, Italy for a three-night stay at the Grand Hotel Excelsior. ($5,000)
You can fix that Italian jet lag by taking a week to yourself at the Golden Door spa in Escondido, California. ($8,850)
Proceed home to your Hollywood Hills Mansion, and enjoy the rest of the gifts, which include:
A Five-night stay in a Hawaii beach villa ($4,270)
Head-to-toe laser skin treatment for “imperfections”, ($4,446)
Ten personal training sessions with a celebrity trainer, ($900)
14K solid gold and diamond encrusted bracelet ($375)
‘Smart’ home security system, ($599)
Less flashy items are present as well, which are still probably worth hundreds of dollar. Expect beauty products, organic apples, clothes and sweat patches. Hey Hollywood gets nervous sweats, too.
Divine assets is tight-lipped about the cost of each bag this year, maybe they are trying to avoid accusations of being out of touch with the middle class as Mark Wahlberg alleges. Rumors have it in the six figures.
For you conspiracy theorists out there who view Yelp as the user rating Mafia, some companies have to pony up $4,000 just to be included. They are paying to provide their own service! Someone get Alex Jones on this, STAT!