Ah, the summer of 2015 - a memorable season, indeed. Sometimes it was pretty awesome, but other times, not so much. Sure it had some redeeming qualities, but who would want to dwell on those? Here’s a list of everything that made this past summer not so great, from the annoying “Cheerleader”, to the lame Tidal, to the infuriating Trump.
25. THOSE STRAIGHT OUTTA COMPTON MEMES
Straight Outta Tampa? Straight Outta Canton, Ohio? Straight Outta TGI Fridays? Congratulations America! You just turned a gritty movie about life on the streets of Compton into one of the lamest memes ever.
24. TAYLOR SWIFT’S INSTAGRAM
Taylor tries to have you believe she’s so totally just like any other girl, double exclamation point!! But Swift went wild on Instagram this summer, posting countless pics of her literally hanging on to her boyfriend Calvin Harris, taking gondola rides through Venice, and chillin’ with her gang of supermodel friends. It’s not that we’re jealous, we’re just … Okay, I guess we’re jealous.
23. THE FRONT PAGE OF THE NEW YORK POST
There are few things more shameless than a sleazy New York Post cover. From their lame puns to their shoddy cartoons, it’s as if the Post is constantly saying, “Look at us, look at us! Aren’t we naughty? ;-)”
22. “UPTOWN FUNK” OVER AND OVER
Julio, don’t get the stretch! Bruno Mars and Mark Ronson’s James Brown tribute was awesome – the first 50 times we heard it. A full ten months after it’s release, we’ve definitely had our fill of Bruno belting out how he’s as smooth as Skippy peanut butter. I’m officially switching to Jif.
21. THE VANISHING TALENT OF TIGER WOODS
What happened, Tiger? You were once the man to watch on the professional circuit and even when you weren’t playing as great as you were, you were still pretty decent. Now, after having missed three consecutive majors, it looks as if your goose is cooked. Tiger, go ahead and give it a rest and start the country club circuit. You did good, kid. You did good.
20. CALIFORNIA WATER WASTERS
It used to be that you could easily spot California douches by their Ed Hardy shirts and egregious plastic surgery. Now, all you gotta spot the jerks who douse their fancy gardens with a torrent of water on a nightly basis, despite the fact that, ya know, the state of California is out of it. Attention assholes: if watering your precious flowers is so important, suck it up and pour a bottle of your precious Evian on ‘em.
19. AVOCADO TOAST
If there’s one food trend that is as perplexing as it is simple, it’s avocado toast. Exactly what it sounds like, avocado toast is merely bread with mushed avocado on top, and…. that’s it. So why are foodies going insane and restaurants charging a premium for something so boring? Thus, ladies and gents, is the mystery of avocado toast.
18. RYAN SEACREST’S KNOCK KNOCK LIVE
Damn it Ryan I thought we got rid of you.
17. BANDWAGON FANS OF HORSE RACING
For the vast majority of the year, horse racing is something solely enjoyed by chainsmokers and gambling addicts. However, when American Pharoah secured the elusive triple crown, suddenly everyone and their mother became experts on the “sport,” only to forget all about it once the mania faded. See also: the Olympics and overly hyped boxing matches.
16. MENTALIST RERUNS IN PLACE OF LETTERMAN
When the legendary David Letterman said goodbye, instead of rerunning classic episodes from the master himself, CBS decided to fill the 11:30 slot with the lamest thing imaginable: reruns of old episodes of The Mentalist and Blue Bloods. Grandparents rejoice!
15. THAT ANNOYING “CHEERLEADER” SONG
“When I need motivation…” the last thing I want to do is listen to Omi’s smash hit, which held the number one slot of the majority of the summer. A watered-down reggae ode, “Cheerleader” undoubtedly makes Omi a one-hit-wonder in the vein of Magic (remember “Rude”?). Enjoy your time at the top of the charts, Omi! It’s a long ride down.
14. JETS PLAYER IK ENEMKPALI’S FIST (GENO SMITH’S JAWBREAKER)
You know the Jets are in trouble when their quarterback is sidelined after breaking his jaw due to an in-team fight—and it isn’t even the worst thing to happen to Gang Green. Oof.
13. THE BATTLE GUITARIST FROM MAD MAX
This is going to piss some people off but one of the weirdest aspects of the very weird hit movie was the electric guitarist who shredded out during the battles. The music’s nice, but pick up a flamethrower - or sword - or anything!! You’re rocking out while people are literally dying all around you.
12. THE WHIP/ THE NAE NAE / THE STANKY LEG
No, they’re not the names of the latest STD’s; they’re the strange dances popularized by rapper Silento in his popular song “Watch Me.” Word to the wise: if you are a self-respecting adult, never participate in a dance with the word “Stanky” in it.
What were the poor guys involved in the Ashley Madison hack even thinking in the first place? Sending personal information out on the Internet and expecting it to be private is just like telling a secret in middle school, everyone’s gonna find out in no time.
The class-A a-holes who comprise FIFA make North Korean look like it’s pretty well run.
9. THE FAT JEW
8. THE GUY WHO GREENLIT PIXELS
Adam Sandler’s film career is faring worse than his taste in fashion. (Enough with the gym shorts and t-shirts at premieres, Adam!) But Pixels - a mess of a film featuring Sandler - along with the guy who voiced Frozen’s Olaf and Peter Dinklage- should have never been made. Instead of blaming the Sand man himself, however, blame the studio head who said “yes” in he first place.
7. MEEK MILL
Meek, my dude! You can’t badmouth Drake if you’re not even a decent rapper yourself. What seems like a PR campaign for his upcoming album ended with Drake garnering more respect and support than ever before. Whoops.
6. ZAYN MALIK
Zayn, you left One Direction and broke the heart of young girls everyone. Then you went ahead and started some Twitter beefs and immediately tried to get a solo career started. Do yourself a favor and Google people like Howie Dorough, JC Chasez, and Jeff Timmons in order to see exactly how this ends up.
Oof. Jay-Z’s brand new streaming service got off to a rocky start thanks to a ton of bad press and blatant lack of interest. Watching it slowly sink this summer a la the Titanic, it seems like it’ll rank up there with New Coke and Gigli as one of the biggest misfires ever.
4. HALLOWEEN DECORATIONS AT CVS
The only thing scarier than seeing ghosts and goblins is when they’re sold at stores three months before October even hits. The last thing anyone wants to do on a hot summer day is walk into a drugstore for a reminder that the glorious summer will soon end. Give us a damn break CVS and at least wait for Labor Day.
3. THE HIGH PITCHED CHORUS FROM THE BIEBER SONG “WHERE R U NOW”
One of the most ubiquitous songs in rotation on the radio this summer is this signature track by the Biebs and Diplo. Yes, it’s catchy, but the weird sorta-whistle, sorta-screech, sorta-banshee scream makes our ears cringe every time it’s place. Maybe next time try a nice sax solo? Where’s Kenny G when you need him?
2. FANTASTIC FOUR
It was a movie so disastrous it deserves a moment of silence. Almost everything about Fantastic Four was such an embarrassment, you’d think it was some sort of social experiment. Some superhero movies give thrills, others make you laugh. This one just made audiences think, “What the hell happened here?”
1. DONALD TRUMP’S MOUTH
From his zany comments to his undisputed arrogance, the only thing worse than the summer of Trump is the scariest thought of all: this guy could actually become President. May God have mercy on our souls.