When The Avengers came out in 2012, the expectations were extremely high. This was cumulating story for the entire Marvel universe. The amazing thing is that, not only did it reach those expectations; it exceeded them. It’s currently the third highest grossing movie of all time with a worldwide box office gross of over $1.5 billion. This can only mean big things for the upcoming Avengers sequel, Age of Ultron. But even if you’re an obsessed fan, there are probably some bits of trivia and information that you didn’t know. Here are 28 things you didn’t know about The Avengers.
1) This was actually the first Marvel movie to ever make over a billion dollars. That’s an incredible feat
2) Many fans questioned why Ant-Man and Wasp weren’t included in the film since they’re two of the founding members of The Avengers. Director Joss Whedon said that they had to be cut since the movie already had so many characters.
3) My ex-girlfriend Sasha was really disappointed when Ant-Man wasn’t included. That was her favorite character.
4) Sorry, that’s probably not a piece of trivia you were interested in, but we saw that movie on our third date. Things didn’t end well and we broke up. I thought I was over it but ever since the sequel was announced I’ve been having a really hard time with it.
5) Wow, I am really off track. Did you know Jon Favreau was rumored to be directing the movie, but declined the offer? Instead, he stayed on as executive producer, just as he did on Iron Man 3.
6) Sasha and I rented Iron Man 3 one night when she had the flu. We didn’t even watch the movie. I just held her and caressed her hair until she fell asleep.
7) I really thought I was over Sasha.
8) I still have her number in my phone. What if I just text her and see how she’s doing? We haven’t talked in over a year, but that wouldn’t be awkward, right? I think she still has my copy of Thor, so I could mention that?
9) After Iron Man flies through a Leviathan, he can be seen crashing on the ground in front of the Shawarma Palace. Whatever, I’m going to text Sasha. I’m going to do it.
10) What the?? Ok so I text Sasha and tried to play it cool, but here’s what she said:
11) This is unbelievable! How does she not have my number in her phone anymore? I told her who it was and I am dumbfounded at her response:
12) So it looks like Sasha has not just wiped me out of her life, she’s also giving her number out to random employees at Pier One! I’m going to look on her Facebook and see if she’s in a relationship.
13) This is unbelievable. So it looks like she’s dating the manager at Pier One. Some guy named Tony. What a dork name. I bet he’s a complete loser.
14) Ok I just remembered that Tony Stark is Iron Man’s name so now his name is way cooler than mine. My name is a form of financial crime and he’s got Iron Man. Let me check out his pictures. I bet he doesn’t do anything cool.
15) Thor has a hammer, or whatever. Hold on, I’m looking through Tony’s photo albums.
16) Oh awesome. It turns out this guy was a college football star, climbed three mountains, and helped build an orphanage in Haiti.
17) You know what? I don’t need this. I don’t need her rubbing her relationship in my face. I don’t need her flaunting her happiness around while I’m sitting here in Zubaz pants writing movie trivia. I’m just going to put it all out there.
18) The good news is that I’m pretty sure she remembers me, but she seems to be twisting my kind deeds into something not quite as romantic:
19) First of all, I didn’t tell her dog he HAD to call me dad, but if he wanted to, I wouldn’t be upset. Secondly, that Photoshop work was top notch. And thirdly, they were four amazing dates that, apparently, I treasure much more than she does.
20) In an early draft the female superhero Wasp was included, but was later replaced with Black Widow. I guess Black Widow also works at Pier One and climbs mountains. I don’t know what was so wrong with Wasp. If Wasp wasn’t your type then why did you go out with Wasp FOUR times, SASHA?
21) Scarlett Johansson and Mark Ruffalo actually share the same birthday. Sasha’s birthday is March 19th. She’ll probably get a stupid Pier One gift card. Who cares? I’m over it.
22) You know, you try and be sweet and take someone to see The Avengers or put them down as your emergency contact or paint their toenails while they’re sleeping so they wake up with a cute pedicure, but is it enough? Nope!
23) Here’s a tip for you: If you go see Avengers: Age of Ultron, don’t take someone that’s going to rip your heart out and then never return your copy of Thor! It’s pretty convenient that she lost my number, but held on tightly to that DVD. I bet she’s probably watching it on top of a stupid mountain with Futon Boy right now.
24) I asked her about it and she had the nerve to respond with attitude. Like I wouldn’t realize my Thor DVD is in the entertainment center:
25) Ah crap. I just looked in there and look what I found:
26) Did you know Lindsay Lohan auditioned for a part in The Avengers? Did you also know that Sasha has no forgiveness whatsoever in her heart?
27) The cast of The Avengers became very close and would go out together after shooting scenes. They probably went for frozen yogurt. That was Sasha’s favorite.
28) Scarlett Johansson was supposed to be in Total Recall, but turned it down because of her commitment to The Avengers. AT LEAST SCARLETT JOHANSSON KNOWS ABOUT COMMITMENT. I BET SHE WOULDN’T HAVE TURNED DOWN THE AVENGERS TO DATE THE MANAGER AT PIER ONE. I’m done with this. I’m going to leave a bunch of negative reviews for Pier One on Yelp.
Rob is a writer and comedian based in Louisville, KY. Follow @robfee on Twitter.