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Turns Out Santa’s Elves are Much Sexier Than You Remember

I have a bone to pick with the concept of Christmas. I don’t want to burst anyone’s bubble here, but there are a few holes in the story that just don’t make sense to me.

For starters, Santa is supposed to keep a list of all the naughty and all the nice children. Basically, he keeps track of you year round and then decides on Christmas if you’ve been okay. As per the rules, only the good kids get presents. However, isn’t the point of New Year’s to wash away all your sins and start fresh with a clean slate? Therefore, is there not a 6-day grace period between Christmas and New Years where you aren’t being judged and can do whatever you want?

Furthermore, there must be some sort of deadline as to when Santa needs his list ready. He isn’t just magically creating gifts by pointing his finger like Sabrina the Teenage Witch. He’s got a workshop of elves manufacturing all this stuff, so there’s got to be a point where his Good/Bad list needs to be ready. My guess is it’s some time around Thanksgiving.

Moreover, if Santa’s elves are making all the toys, then why do they still need to be advertised? Why do toy companies and toy stores feel the need print ads or put commercials on TV if Santa and his elves are the ones creating it all? Is it just to let everyone know what’s available? Does Santa have a say in what gets pushed and he’s actually behind the scenes, at the top of this whole thing, creating a demand for a supply he already has? That’s it! Kris Kringle, you genius!

Regardless of the economics, I’d like to know how I can apply to work in Santa’s workshop. It looks like a really fun work environment.

In case you were wondering, those onesie-wearing helpers are none other than Charm Killings, Jessica Cribbon, Vivian Kindle, Jenna Jenovich, Erica Grisby, Marina G, Phoenix Skye, cincininla, Natasha Marc, Tania Mehra, and Anna Knight. Oh, and there’s plenty of pics and vids of them in their Fashion Nova onesies. If this doesn’t get you in the holiday spirit then I don’t know what will.

My onesie was a little too tight…but my Gingerbread house was on point last night. 😂😂😂

A photo posted by J E N N A (@jennajenovich) on

#christmasgoals 🌲🎅 @fashionnova

A photo posted by Erica 💋 (@ericagrisby) on


A photo posted by Erica 💋 (@ericagrisby) on

Pj night with these beauties. Thank you @fashionnova for these ridiculously cute onsies 🎉🤗🎀 #girlsnight

A photo posted by cincin_in_la (@cincin_in_la) on

Feeling festive as fuck… 🎅🏽🎄

A photo posted by cincin_in_la (@cincin_in_la) on

RELATED: Check Out Our Sexy Shoot With One of the Elves, Charm Killings

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