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This Week in Sex: How Many Days of Your Life Will You Spend Having Sex?

Photography by Henrik Purienne

Photography by Henrik Purienne

Playmates

Meet Miss June: Josie Canseco

Yes, she’s the daughter of Jose Canseco. She’s carried that famous name her whole life. But now she’s made it her own. People will soon ask “…Jose? Jose, who? You mean, Josie Canseco.” She has that sort of beauty that grabs hold of your imagination. Check out this gallery if you’re a fan already.

And this vid will make you a super fan of Miss June.

Online Dating

Raya…Finally, An App for Lonely and Horny C-List Celebs

Stand-up comedian Eden Dranger has written frank and honest accounts of dating before, such as How To Date A Woman Who’s Had A Double Mastectomy. This week, she tried the hush-hush dating app Raya, for B and C List celebrities. (Guess they need their own.) The only way to join their ultra-select dating club is by invite from someone who’s already in. After a secret committee deems you hot/famous enough and approves you, you can private message…um, Raven-Symoné. Eden Dranger’s in the club and she told us all about it.

Hard Science

How Long Do Women Want Sex to Last? …And, How Much Sex Will You Have In Your Life, On Average?

According to recent studies, a healthy human adult spends less than one percent of their life having sex. But even if you enjoy double the sex life of an average adult you’d still spend less than one percent of your life having sex. The average is .45 percent of your lifetime, or about 117 days. For perspective, you’ll spend, roughly 7,709 days of your life just sitting on your ass. And for those of you who hate math, like I do, that’s 21 years of sitting. Meanwhile, you spend 117 days of your life having sex. Better make those days count.

If quality sex is what we’re after… How long do women expect sex to last? What’s a good amount of time, enough for her to feel deeply satisfied? In a recent study, women reported their average sexual encounter lasts seven minutes. But that’s not what they want. They want sex to last longer. A lot longer. Hard Science has the data on how long women want (and expect) sex to last. Check the answer here.

Medicine

Should It Look Like That, Doc? Broken Dicks, Fractured Pricks, and the World’s First Penis Transplant

How big is the average penis? We see numbers get reported often in the press. Not always the same. According to this recent study, the answer is 5.17 inches. (And yes, that’s erect.) So, maybe, don’t worry, you’re fine. Besides there are real penis-based concerns to worry about…like breaking your dick. That’s what happened to this unfortunate dude who made news this week for popping his pecker. Poor bastard. If you like horror stories, here are a few true tales of terrible things that could happen to your magic stick.

But the worst thing would have to be losing your dick. Not like misplacing it, but more like amputation. This guy lost his Johnson to penis cancer, but he got a new one after a team of doctors performed the first successful penis transplant in American history. Dude’s now the Neil Armstrong of penis surgery.

Just The Tips

So, Uh, Are You Down With Ass Play?

Last week, Bridget Phetasy asked a few women for their advice to men on anal sex. This week, she flipped the coin, this time it’s about men’s tails. Bridget interviewed 10 hetero dudes and asked what they enjoy about butt play. Maybe be braver than Kanye, and see what a finger can do.

Social Media

Tawny Jordan

Tawny is a word you read in old western novels, used to describe the wildflowers that dust the hills at dusk just after the sun sinks into the horizon. Tawny. Which seems so suitable for the bronze, tan loveliness of Miss Tawny Jordan. She’s this week’s Social Media Star, and this gallery celebrates all the reasons why she is a woman who deserves your full attention.

Photography by Marya Gullo

Photography by Marya Gullo

And, because we like you, here’s a vid of Tawny just generally being boss and sexy af. Enjoy!

Tech

Let’s Hear It For the Fleshlight! …And Women Ask, Men Answer: Why Do Men Send Dick Pics?

The sex toy industry has evolved from the dark old days of sleazy sex shops in the part of town you never wanted to visit into today’s sleek and sexy multi-billion dollar online industry. Apparently, a lot of credit for the recent colossal growth goes to the Fleshlight for leading the market in new sex toys for men. Fun fact: the idea for the Fleshlight all started with this classic moment from American cinema.

In other news, New York magazine asked this week: Why do men send dick pics? And men answered honestly. Their answers may surprise you…but probably not.

Sex Games

Cards Against Humanity…In Bed…With A Monkey

Everyone knows the party game Cards Against Humanity. The brains behind that genius bit of crassness have a new game, Weapons of Mass Seduction. Think of it like the game “Would You Rather…” but instead of life questions, it’s more like sex positions. For instance, you guess if your partner would prefer to “be so loud the neighbors can hear” or “whip your opponent with a riding crop.” Sounds like with the right crowd, it’s the sort of game that could act as foreplay for an orgy.

Evolution

Did Women Evolve To Be Bisexual?

Meet Dr. Satoshi Kanazawa, the man who thinks he’s figured out why women evolved to be bisexual and possibly gay. The controversial psychologist from the London School of Economics published a new paper in Biological Reviews claiming that women are bisexual because of our traditions of polygynous marriage (meaning multiple wives). He theorizes that bisexuality reduced competitive tensions…like, life was waaaaay more chill for a dude if his wives all had sex together. Yeah, that does sounds super dope, Doc. But, um, sorry….We’re gonna have to stop you right there. You see, Dr. Kanazawa has some pretty heated critics in the scientific community.

Using his same methodology, Kanazawa could have claimed to evolutionarily solve why men liked lesbian porn but not homosexual porn. He’s already provided evolutionary claims for why black women are considered less attractive than Asians, that liberals are more intelligent than conservatives, and that beautiful people have more daughters.

Dude’s a bit of a racist, sexist kook. So don’t listen to Dr. Kanazawa when it comes to women’s sexuality.

This Week In Porn

Susan Sarandon Wants To Direct… And What’s A Mastubatory Work-Out?

PornHub’s worried about you going soft. No, not that way. The other way, like when you weigh yourself and get sad…that way. That’s why the worldwide leader in online sex vids just introduced BangFit, a new game-based, sexercise workout program. Whatta ya say? Maybe hit up Bang.fit and “get fit af” as you…handle your business.

Ping-pong impresario and Academy Award-winning actress, Susan Sarandon may have found her next challenge. She’s expressed a desire to direct sex films. If that happens, we’ll keep you updated. And um, Susan, might we recommend… Thelma & Louise meet Ella & Heloise. Just spitballin’ ideas. We want to see this happen.

WTF?

A Strip Club Is A Great Place To Lose Your Job …and a Florida Woman To Lazy To Pay For Sex Toys

Out in Louisiana, there’s a lawmaker who tried to make a new law that strippers couldn’t weigh more than 160 pounds. But he quickly withdrew his legislation. Insiders suggested it was because…he came back to his damn mind.

Meanwhile, here in lovely Los Angeles, California, a famed journalist lost his job because he tried to expense a $5,000 strip club bill. He said he was interviewing a rapper. C’mon, man. That only works in the movies. You can’t drop 5 G at the club and say “…Oh, about that, yeah, I was, uh…interviewing a rapper.” You’re gonna lose your job, bruh! Which is sadly what happened to legendary music journalist Sasha Frere-Jones.

Why do all the best headlines start with Florida? Check this gem: Florida Woman Arrested At Walmart, Told Police She Felt “Too Lazy” To Pay For Stolen Sex Toys. The Florida woman did consider purchasing the “vibrating penis ring” and lubricant, but she decided…nah. She didn’t want to. She lacked the motivation necessary to pay for her sex toys. We all know how this ends: she gets arrested. Whatever. Did you find it odd that Walmart sells “vibrating penis rings?” Or is that just a Florida special?


Well, we’ve reached the end of another week, and it’s time we get your mind right for the weekend. What better way to do that than with this gallery of our Insta-Crush: Savannah Montano. Enjoy!


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