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This Week In Sex: Aloha, Nekkid Amber Rose

Poets say that March “comes in like a lion, goes out like a lamb.“ The cold claws of winter have finally given up their grip. The soft sexiness of springtime has arrived. To celebrate, our favorite bubble butt beauty Amber Rose went topless on the beach in Hawaii and #freedthenipple for the paparazzi. The heartbreaker with unearthly dimensions and an alien beauty gave lucky tourists a show they’ll never forget. She was working with the photographer David Lachapelle. From what we can tell their partnership looks promising.

Instagram/AmberRose

Instagram/AmberRose

You may agree with us that Amber Rose is sexy af. Or you may think she’d be way hotter if she had some hair. But here’s the thing, we don’t all have to agree about whether or not she’s sexy. We just have to agree she’s not a slut. We’re against slut-shaming. Which is why we loved it when Larry Wlmore from The Nightly Show focused on how slut shaming is some backwards-ass bullshit.

Speaking of Caribbean Queens, Rihanna popped up in the spot with a basket filled with fresh songs. Her new single “Bitch Better Have My Money” is heavy sexy, for real. Please don’t be gone that long again, RiRi.

You know it. We know it. The American people know it. Advertisers love to sell us sex. They even use sexiness to sell dish soap and foot fungus cream. But when that sexiness goes wrong, it’s can go bad like a runaway freight train of funny. Some ads fail so hard at being sexy not only do you laugh but you wonder if someone lost their job. Take for instance, this campaign for P Diddy’s fragrance for men called “Unforgivable.” The ad was so bad, so creepy that one writer called it, “something you’d show a prisoner attached to electrodes to see if he was cured of ‘rapist.'” Does that woman on his lap look like she even wants to be there? Not a good look, Sean.

P Diddy perfume fail

Okay! While we’re talking about sexy fails … Spring Break! Woooooot! We all know and expect that college kids are gonna act a fool, vomit on each other, pass out on a beach in the middle of the day, and most likely, do at least seventeen things they regret. At this point, that sort of reckless debauchery is a rite of passage. Somehow, Fox News never got the memo. It reported on this year’s Spring Break like it just discovered it. It’s some first-class clutching of pearls.

Then there’s Ben Stiller. He knows his kids are gonna get freaky. In fact, he wants them to be good at it. This week, he told the press about how he’s teaching his son “strip club etiquette.” We didn’t expect that sort of sex-positivity from professional nebbish Ben Stiller, but it’s cool to see a parent who gets that it’s his job to teach his kids how to respect a naked woman.

Another guy who knows his way around a strip club, Ludacris, got candid this week in an interview and confessed that he has a name for his penis. Bet you can’t guess what it is. We’ll give you a hint…

That’s right! Ludacris says he named his dick, “…The Truth. 'Cause you can’t handle The Truth!” You know what? We’ll just take your word for it, Luda.

While we’re talking about dicks, have you let Buzzfeed guess your penis size yet? No? After years of determining which condiment best describes your sex life, and which Disney princess you’d rather divorce, it’s now turned its attention to a quiz for your dick.

Politics is a job we have no interest in, but we gotta say, we’re equally curious and dumbfounded trying to make sense of this most recent development in the Ukraine. No, we don’t mean in the ongoing war with Russia. We mean … why would a Ukrainian politician dump his wife for posting too many sexy selfies? There’s no making sense of politics.

ukrainian wife dumped selfies

You ever had sex in the shower? Did it work for you? If you don’t end up in the ER you’re doing better than lots and lots of other shower-fuckers. Apparently, it’s not easy to have sex in the shower. Lots of things can go wrong. Or to put it another way, “concussions are not sexy.”

ICYMI: last week we ran an expose on a long-standing American tradition of life before the Internet. Back in the day, before naked women were just a click away, young men and teen boys often gathered in the woods and would share and hide girly mags. The mag of choice was Playboy. For a bit of pre-Internet nostalgia and sexiness, check the story here.

If we asked if you’d like to see the half-naked body of the wife of a 71-year old man, you’d likely say, “No thanks.” Right? But what if we told you she’s a model and a DJ. And what if she looks like this:

Gabi-Grecko

It sure looks like Gabi Grecko could make any man feel young.

Hey, terrorists, you’re doing it all wrong. If you really want to breach American security defenses, all you need are some Colombian prostitutes. So far, both the Secret Service and the DEA dropped their guards along with their pants when they were confronted with some of the world’s sexiest professional pussy-peddlers. It’s a damn good thing religious extremists don’t know any Colombian prostitutes or we could all be in real trouble.

Speaking of real trouble, we assume you’ve heard of pegging. Since ass play has now become popular, the kinky and adventurous are looking for new kicks. One way they’re flipping the sex script is for the girl to wear the dick in the relationship. Literally. She. wears. the. dick. Pegging is when a woman uses a strap-on to fuck a dude in the ass. The NY sex writer Rachel Rabbit White recently pegged her boyfriend. If you’re curious, you can read all about it here.

Moving north from butts up to boobs, here’s your daily quotient of cute that’s also sexy. It’s a combo platter of two of our favorite ways to spend a day, and they go together like peaches and cream: it’s the undeniable charm of titties and kitties.

And if that doesn’t do it for you, here are the most booty gifs in one place ever (probably).


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