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This Week In Sex: Abigail Ratchford’s Pajama Party and the Freedom of Near-Naked Women

This Week In Sex: Abigail Ratchford’s Pajama Party and the Freedom of Near-Naked Women:

We believe Ron Swanson said it best when he said, “I’m a simple man. I like pretty, dark-haired women and breakfast foods.”

Sometimes, it’s best to keep things simple. No doubt, there’s something undeniably sexy about a dark-haired woman like Abigail Ratchford. We were lucky enough to spend all day with the chesty beauty with the mesmerizing eyes. Our man Ron Swanson would not have been disappointed.

Abigail Ratchford
Abigail Ratchford in animal print bikini

We think Ron would also be a pretty big fan of this video we shot of our day at the beach with Abigail. It’s a very sexy one-woman Baewatch. With plenty of slo-mo to pay homage to the bouncing busty classic.

Also, this week, just to push the limits of sexiness, our girl Abigail hosted a pajama party and invited some Playboy models over, like blonde bombshell Lindsey Pelas. The girls posted a bunch of photos on their Instagram and Snapchat accounts. Because we like you, we gathered a collection here. You’re welcome!

Pajama Party

In case you missed it, Kim Kardashian posed topless this week. Yes, again. This time it was in Vogue Brazil. Dressed mainly in long blonde hair, Kim K’s curves were on full display in her photo-shoot.

Not to be outdone as the queen of the bubble, your girl from the block, J Lo, AKA the woman who’s known for having the world’s sexiest ass, reminded everyone in this wet and sexy photoshoot just how #blessed she is.

Okay, while we’re praising both cheeks of the proud round booties of J Lo and Kim K, let’s pause a moment to check what sexy tricks Jayde Nicole can pull with just her butt and a bikini. For a little sexy surprise, you’ll find the girl’s a master of the poolside twerk.

Now, this ish we just don’t get. Why do all the tennis stars have such smoking hot wives and girlfriends? Like, seriously, is it something about how well the dudes stroke it? Whatever it is, the way Kelis’ milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, it sure seems like tennis brings the girls to the yard. The really hot ones.

Instagram/JarahMariano

Instagram/JarahMariano

Hey, Science, make up your freaking mind! Does more sex make a person happier, or not?

We’re pretty sure we don’t need the lab coats for this one. We’re going with: yes, more sex makes us happier. Even though there was a recent study that suggested otherwise. However, as our recent article points out, that study does have some major flaws. For one, it was published in an economics journal. And secondly, the couples were ordered to have twice as much as sex… and naturally, rather than enjoy it, they felt pressure to make the time to get naked. We all know: stress kills. Well, it’s also not terribly sexy.

Plus, the subjects were mostly mid-40s American couples. Which makes this all sound about as sexy as a Chumbawumba concert when they break into “Tubthumping.”

You might think getting paid to jerk-off would be the ideal job. It’s getting paid to do something you love, or rather, to do someone you love. And at bars and high school reunions you can tell people you’re a professional jerk-off. Just imagine your business cards. Whatever. But as it turns out, getting paid to pleasure yourself isn’t actually that great a job. At least, not according to this dude.

In my research before beginning my donations, I’d learned the first sperm bank was founded in 1952. I hadn’t expected the porn my bank provided to be from that era, too. But I suppose a sperm bank’s only responsibility is to keep up with the latest in cryogenics tech, as opposed to the latest trends in facesitting. Why would they care about pleasing me, if I couldn’t make it work, another jerkoff would gladly take my spot.

Masturbation isn’t something we talk much about in our culture. It’s like everyone’s little unspoken secret. Well, not everyone’s. Some folks are brave and happily talk about how they take care of themselves. This week, writer Chelsea G. Summers confessed her love for pleasuring herself and explained how “procrasturbation” is a rather revolutionary political act:

In Marxist terms, when we’re alienated from our own labor—and who isn’t?—masturbation on the clock is a political act.

Viva la revolucion!

If you’d like to see some of our propaganda materials designed to help bring about the revolution, here’s the truth about breasts:

Do you ever think about how sexiness is a celebration of your freedom?

No, seriously. Sexiness is a legit act of liberty. We have two words for you: yoga pants. Those bun-hugging accentuators of a booty’s beauty are part of the freedom that the Founders intended. Obviously, Thomas Jefferson didn’t pen the Declaration of Independence to protect our right to enjoy bubble butts, but when you look around the world you see that he really did.

To celebrate butts and freedom, for #HumpDay, we curated these pics of girls flaunting what Nature gave them.

yoga pants say yum

And, for you naysayers, here’s some real world proof that appreciating butts is an an act of political freedom. Did you see the story about the Egyptian woman who was arrested and now faces jail-time for posting a video of her dancing in a suggestive way? There was no nudity. Just the swivel of her hips.

Or how about the Ugandan pop singer, Jemimah Kansiime, who was arrested, charged with “abetting pornography,” and is now looking at ten years in jail for posting her new music video that features her gyrating in a soap foam bikini? You see what we mean? The nudity or near-nudity of a woman is still a strong political act. Even though in her music vid Kansiime shows less skin than your average Italian car commercial.

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Some folks, like to shake their head at a woman like Nicki Minaj, who was recently showing off all her assets in a see-through outfit, but the reality is, around the world, women are jailed when they attempt to enjoy Nicki’s artistic freedom.

Meanwhile, in America we still think it’s a big deal for a woman to show her nipple. And that’s why these college girls at UCSD had a #FreeTheNipple event. They’re proof that sometimes politics is awesome. Let’s hear it for freedom and for near-naked women!

Viva la revolucion!

Speaking of artistic freedom, this week, the often-naked writer-director, Lena Dunham spoke to the Hollywood Reporter about filming a love scene for her show Girls. She was candid as ever about how it feels to pretend to have sex with someone you barely know. “It feels like someone f–king you!” she said. “It’s confusing.”

When it comes to the bedroom, confusing happens. A key for sex to not feel weird is to communicate clearly. This goes double when you want someone to use a strap-on to pleasure your butt. Here to help, Just the Tips offered this hands-on advice for how to ask your partner to boss you around in the bedroom, and how to engage in more dynamic sex play:

“If all of a sudden I pull out a ball gag and they’re not into it, I want to know that.” Whenever you’re negotiating sex (whether it’s kinky or “vanilla”) with somebody else, it helps to have a vocabulary to discuss your desires and boundaries. Cross recommends a “red, yellow, green” system with your partner. “Red means stop, green means go and yellow means slow down and check in,” she said. This kind of system keeps things “safe, sane and consensual.”

And to further your kinky education, here are the 10 weirdest sexual fetishes. We won’t tell you what #1 is… but #2 is ���Japanese tentacle erotica.” Yes! And it’s exactly what it sounds like–a sexual partner being pleasured by lots of penetrating tentacles. Imagine a really horny octopus and you’re halfway there.

Did you know you can break your dick? We’ve warned you about this before, but it’s one of those things like nuclear waste, there’s no such thing as too much safety. So, here are the 5 sex positions that are most likely to break your boner. Would you believe that 21 percent of all heterosexual broken boners happen when a dude is having sex in the missionary position. We did not see that coming. (Sorry, the pun was right there.)

What do you do when your town tells you that you can’t open a new sex club for swingers? Well, you don’t give up. That’s for sure. You could do what this bunch of happy horny fornicators did: turn your sex club into a church.

Floor plans for the club, and now for the church, show the same room layout with several label changes. The club’s themed “dungeon” room will now be for the “choir.” A dressing room has become the sacristy. There’s a new pastor study penciled in.

Not only are they naked and kinky, they’re also pretty cunning.

This week, writer Rachel Rabbit White shared what it feels like for a woman to get a happy ending. You don’t often hear about a woman buying sex. If you’re curious… you can check it here.

Just being in this strange man’s apartment, getting touched while mindlessly staring at the painting of an American flag on his wall, aware that I was paying for his touch was enough.

When I come, it’s lying on my back, eyes closed, to a gentle clitoral orgasm. I realized afterward that I should have asked for more pressure, the way I know I like it, but in the moment, I had worried about messing with his “expert method”— maybe he knew best.

And to send off you off with a grin, here are some gifs of girls adjusting their bras.

God bless freedom!

Until next time… keep it sexy!


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