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This Week In Sex: Spring Has Sprung With Lindsey, Azealia, and #WideBoobWednesday

This Week In Sex: Spring Has Sprung With Lindsey, Azealia, and #WideBoobWednesday:

“You can cut all the flowers but you cannot keep spring from coming.” – Pablo Neruda

We made it! We finally put the long winter to bed. It’s officially springtime! You know what that means right? It’s time to, as the poet once said, “gather ye rosebuds while you may.” Springtime is about sexiness blossoming everywhere in nature. It’s the season of fertility. And you know what fertility makes us think about, right? Big beautiful breasts.

With the suddenness of a hummingbird, Lindsey Pelas comes quickly to mind. To kick off some springtime fun we curated a collection from her Instagram to “say yes to the breast.”

Instagram/LindseyPelas

Instagram/LindseyPelas

This week, back by popular demand, we celebrated the second #WideBoobWednesday. We also put together a collection of the hottest female surfers you can find sliding along the face of a wave. And just to make sure you’re truly ready for the warm months we also checked out Lauren Hanley testing physics with her tiny bikini pics. Who doesn’t love some sexy science?

You know what’s another great part of springtime? We love how women are way more likely to rock yoga pants as they run their errands. When a woman feels comfortable to flaunt her yoga butt, it makes a grown man say, “Mmmm, namaste!”

If you were wondering how our favorite burger spokeswoman is doing on Dancing With the Stars, turns out Charlotte McKinney can glide all that sexy around to a beat with the greatest of ease. We’ll be pulling for you, Charlotte. And while we wait for next week’s ep, we’ll take another look at how you manage to use your hands for a bra. Cause dayum, gurl … that’s a good look!

charlotte mckinney 78 boobs 7 6

Did you see who our cover girl is for this month? That’s right! Azealia Banks bares all and you can check her sexiness and what all she has to say right here. You probably know that Azealia takes a lot of flak for how she beefs online. Gurl likes to give it. But regardless of how tough she is, being a strong sexy woman online often attract haters faster than you can say “gamergate.“

Even beloved video game spokesmodel and all-around badass, Kate Upton, just gave an interview, saying, “I’ve heard people say, you put yourself in that position to be judged. But no. I put myself in that position because I really liked that photographer, I wanted to do that piece of work. Not to be judged. The internet can be horrible, so I just don’t look at it anymore.” Kate, we never judge you. We just want to say thank you… for being sexy as you wanna be.

Speaking of being sexy as you wanna be, one of our favorite sexual libertines, Stoya, has started a new porn site based on a pay-per-scene business model. She plans to use it to fund feminist-minded porn so that women benefit more financially from their sexiness. We like everything about this. Sexiness should be fairly and justly rewarded.

It’s not easy being professionally sexy. Not even for dudes. Just ask One Direction’s Zayn Malik. The smoldering-eyed Brit singer had to leave the band’s world tour to deal with “stress.” In music industry parlance that usually means “drugs.” But it could also be “girls.” Amid a swirl of rumors, the internet has hounded the singer about how he surrounds himself with girls when he’s spotted in places like a nightclub called Seduction in a city called Phuket. It’s not easy to be sexy for a living.

Another interesting rumor about how a world-famous man likes to spend his sexiest hours, the Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps is reportedly into water sports that take place out of the pool. According to a dominatrix, she says the gold medalist paid her to piss on him. She also claims that when he removed his shirt and shorts, he was wearing “skimpy women’s underwear.” After she wet the swimmer down, he pleasured himself. Our first thought was: the life of a sex worker never seems boring. For the record, this is now the second time Michael Phelps and urine are headline news.

Moving from sex work to sex play, this week, our sexy advice columnist Katherine Cooper laid out the best tips for better foreplay. We recommend you give it a read. Here are a few key highlights:

  • EMBRACE EXPERIMENTATION
  • MAKE RULES TO BREAK THEM
  • JUST GO DOWN ON HER FOR, LIKE, HOURS

Even though we’ve been doing it since time began we’re just now beginning to understand the full flowering of a female orgasm. They’re tricky things because it takes time to coax them. They prefer variety to surprise them. And they require attention to see them through. For a sexy breakdown of what sends her over the edge of a big O, check this vid.

Okay, real question: can women be too sexy? To answer that, first, check out Arianny Celeste’s photo-spread. The gurl’s underboob game is real strong.

02 Arianny-Celeste

Now, keep her in mind, as you make sense of this nonsense. Someone thinks the Oregon Ducks cheerleaders are too sexy. This isn’t a headline from the 1950s. This isn’t a plot for a Footloose sequel. This is real. Oregon Board of Trustees memeber Ginerva Ralph wants to ban the program because she saw fans grow, “incredibly uncomfortable with the U of O cheerleaders and they actually leave the basketball (arena) during intermission because of the overt sexual dancing, or whatever you want to call it.” Um, wut? Really, Ginerva? Did it ever occur to you that maybe they wanted to get some snacks?

We’ve got good news about True Detective: Season Two. There’s going to be an orgy! It’s reported that the show hired real porn stars like Amia Miley and Peta Jensen. We like that sort of sexy authenticity. In the words of Matthew McConaughey, “alright, alright, alright.”

In other news of sexy cops, this week, a Portuguese policeman admitted in court that he’d used his service weapon while performing an after-work striptease. The policeman and part-time male stripper liked to wear his actual uniform to make his striptease “more realistic.” Trouble for him was the court felt that using his police pistol was “too realistic.” It’s such a fine line. (If you’re wondering how he got busted: Facebook photos.)

Okay, let’s say, that in the future you’re a tech millionaire. Now, if an 18-year old stripper wants to have sex with you … that’s legal. However, if you pay money to have sex with her and her underaged cousin … that’s totally illegal. And possibly a set-up. Like it was for Paul Vagnozzi. The stripper, her underaged cousin, and her father, conspired to extort 2.8 million dollars from Vagnozzi, blackmailing him for three years. So… if you become a tech millionaire, maybe keep that in mind.

Lastly, while they were fighting in front of him, a dude’s current girlfriend and his ex-girlfriend both jumped into a river in order to see which one he’d save. What. the. fuck. What kind of fucked-up bullshit is that? Their little love test would’ve made Shakespeare be like, “Damn, I never would’ve thought of that.” If you’re wondering who he saved … he picked his current girlfriend. Because… well, your guess is as good as ours!

That’s all the sexiness we’re calling This Week In Sexkeep it sexy!



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