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This Week In Sex This Week In Sex

This Week In Sex: It is Hard to Believe Ines Helene Exists

Ines Helene

Meet Ines Helene. She’s a unicorn of sexiness. She’s so blessed with curves she seems mythical. Like, how can she be legit? But she is … and she’s Swedish, which is always nice.

You know how they say the suit makes the man? Hannah Ferguson proves that a woman makes the lingerie. Without her naked curves to fill it out, lingerie is just a pile of fabric. This lovely Lone Star beauty and Sports Illustrated swimsuit model also proves that even sexy is bigger in Texas.

Instagram

Instagram

Few athletes give better interviews than Seattle running back, Marshawn Lynch. He’s famous for never answering, or rather, for frustratingly repeating the same phrase. But it seems like reporters have just been asking him all the wrong questions. When XXL asked him who are the hottest women alive, suddenly Marshawn was chatty as your drunk uncle. The man had all sorts of stuff to say. Beyoncé, Rihanna and Nicki Minaj shared the top spot in a three-way tie. (That’s one hell of a three-way). Guess who the Seattle running back also named. It’s our favorite booty from the block. Lynch said, “J. Lo old-ass go stupid, too. She’s hella sexy.” We totally agree, Marshawn. And now, “ass go stupid” is how we plan to describe any super-sexy ass we see.

Wanna hear about the current front-runner for girlfriend-of-the-year? Some lucky dude has a boo who didn’t know what to do for his birthday. So she asked her friend for advice. Her friend suggested a surprise threesome–and then she volunteered to be the third. (We also nominated her for friend-of-the-year.)

For the record, this is the dude’s girlfriend … um, gawd dayum!

You know, Hef would say birthday sex is always a great way to celebrate. He knows better than anyone, when it comes to savoring sexiness, less isn’t always more. On April 9th, Hef marks his 89th trip around the sun. And oh, what a sexy ride it’s been! Happy Birthday, Hef!

Speaking of the people who are partly responsible for your sexual awakening, this week, a bunch of dudes tried to recall the women who inspired their early sexual fantasies. As you might imagine, their answers are all over the map. (One guy even mentions Space Jam. And you see who he’s talking about.)

Ever suffer through a really bad spell of dry dick? The adult film star James Deen is here to help. He offered some advice to a writer suffering through a sandy spell. Would you believe it, some of it is actually good advice:

“The fact that you’re dealing with this not getting laid means you’re living, you’re living life. Embrace life and let shit just come naturally. Sex is important, but it’s not the end-all and be-all of life. The fact that we’re able to have big enough brains to enjoy it is pretty fucking interesting.”

Okay, here’s a little more helpful sex advice. A modern gentleman ought to know a few ways to coax an orgasm from a woman, and one of the best ways is with his tongue. Well, who better to give you cunnilingus advice than a lesbian? How about lesbians using crude visual aids?

lesbian-advice-oral-sex

This week, Anne Hathaway stepped up her game and stripped down to her underwear so she could come in like a wrecking ball as she sang along to the Miley hit. One thing you gotta say about Anne Hathaway, homegurl never half-steps. If she’s gonna do it, she does the damn thing.

Here’s another woman who never does anything half way: Azealia Banks. This week, the fire-tongued rapper told Billboard she has a secret sex fantasy about … the President. “He’s so fine,” she says. “Those big-ass white teeth and ears hanging off his head? I’m like, ‘Oh my god, I want to fuck the president.‘” (Somewhere in Hollywood, Will Smith is smiling to himself, “Big ears, huh?”)

Game of Thrones returns this weekend, and it seems like we’ve been waiting forever to fall back into the intrigues of all those darkly sexy power plays. To get you in the mood for the ever-approaching winter, here are the hottest women from the Game of Thrones.

Photo: Tumblr, playfulpromises

Photo: Tumblr, playfulpromises

We bet you’ll never guess who just bought Larry Flynt’s old Hustler Hollywood store on the Sunset Strip. We’ll give you two guesses.

Okay … nope.

And … nope.

You ready? It was Gwyneth Paltrow! God only knows how she’ll Goop up The Strip, but apparently she plans to open up a nightclub for super rich people that features a yearly membership fee and dress code. We’re already consciously uncoupling with the idea of ever visiting that club.

And hey, did you see which high-strung blonde was back in the news this week? It’s Britney, bitch!

Iggy and Britney

Working the comeback trail of relevance, she got all dressed up to guest-star in Iggy Azalea’s new music video. Sadly, the Internet has been teasing her for her bare belly. Some photos surfaced this week that were terribly unflattering. You might say that the look Britney’s working is: divorced Waffle House waitress who called in sick to work so she can run off to party in Vegas for the weekend with her crazy Aussie cousin. (Not the best look.)

In a famously raw routine, the outlaw comedian Sam Kinison once compared Dr. Ruth’s vagina to a grilled cheese sandwich. That’s to say, they’ve never been considered a very sexy sandwich. But that’s all about to change. According to a (nakedly-biased) recent study, people who love grilled cheese sandwiches are way crazier in the bedroom. They’re more adventurous and horny. Maybe instead of taking a woman out to coffee or for drinks, you should ask if she wants to hit a diner. Of course, if you ask a woman directly if she loves “to eat a grilled cheese sandwich” that kinda sounds like you’re asking about a rare sexual fetish.

Did someone say “rare sexual fetish?” How about … a very strange new sex toy? We always say that when it comes to being kinky, as long as no one gets hurt, everyone should do whatever turns them on. And, if you didn’t already know it, foot fetishes are the most common of all the fetishes. Which means we’re not fully surprised by this product. But, at the same time, we kinda are.

Vajankle

It’s called The Vajankle. It’s exactly what it sounds like. It’s a rubber foot that’s been outfitted with a fake vagina. Yes … it’s a foot … that you have sex with … The Vajankle!

That Vajankle go stupid.

Kinda works.

Until next week … keep it sexy!


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