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This Week In Sex: Free The Nipple!

This Week In Sex: Free The Nipple!: Mert Alas & Marcus Piggott for Interview Magazine

Mert Alas & Marcus Piggott for Interview Magazine

Oh, the weather outside is frightful,
but going braless is so delightful,
if you wanna give your nips the slip
ditch your bra, ditch your bra, ditch your bra

For 2015, one of our wishes for the New Year is that we get to see more Rihanna. This week, our wish came early. Rihanna was across the pond at the British Fashion Awards where she appeared pantsless … and braless. To that news we say … Happy Holidays!

But not everyone was as stoked as we were. These two dudes from VH1 clutched their pearls when RiRi was also spotted in NYC … braless. Apparently, we have a different appreciation of fashion. Besides, she kinda does this a lot—she’s no fan of a bra. Our big question is: Where you been? We miss you when you’re gone, gurl.

Going boob-commando was quite the mini-trend this week. Sports Illustrated model, Chrissy Teigen, posed for a braless photoshoot … and New York city nearly fainted. But hey, don’t get your hopes up, her boyfriend is John Legend. She seems happy with her choice.

The NY Daily News noticed all the nipples and side boob, too, they curated a gallery of stars who like to go braless. As more women reclaim their bodies, thanks to campaigns like Free the Nipple, going braless is totally trending. You know we support that.

Out ahead of this trend, is our girl, Madonna. This week, she appeared topless in the pages of Interview magazine, flashing her bare breasts. In response, the Internet asked, “where did she buy those boobs?” Let’s be real, we’ve been looking at Madge’s boobs for 37 years. (Go ahead. Do the math. We’ll wait. …Crazy, right?!) Yeah. That’s thirty-seven years of Madonna freeing the nipple! And she still looks sexy as sin on a Saturday night.

Speaking of sex in the Nineties, Victoria’s Secret just hosted a sexy, secret Fashion Show in London. Taylor Swift performed. So did Ariana Grande and while she performed she got smacked around by sexy angel wings. Don’t worry … the lingerie model was unharmed.

Did you know, in America, last year, we spent 13 billion dollars on lingerie? That’s a lot of bras and panties! 13 billion … with a B. Science recently researched a question no one needed answered: Why do men love lingerie? The answer may not surprise you. It’s so obvious, and based on such a primal response, that scientists figured it out by studying a rat. The male learns: each time my partner wears lingerie, I’m going to have sex. “Mmmm, sex…” It’s just that simple.

You probably already heard this news … but this week, in the United Kingdom they went ham on porn. They banned a long list of sex acts that can no longer be shown in UK-made porn. The rest of the world was quick to respond, “Wait – They make porn in the UK? Huh. Learn something new everyday.”

While we’re on the topic of porn, Vice asked an important question this week: Are Tissues Decorated with the Faces of Sexy Girls the Future of Masturbation? We think that’s a question that needed to be answered … by Vice. As they report, the company that makes the new “facial tissues” is called … Spankrags. Yep. “Yeah, Dad, I got the job! I’m the new VP at Spankrags! … Hello?” In classier news, Vice also published a fascinating portrait of a 76-year old Intersex prostitute named Claudette. We may tease you, but good on ya, Vice!

In other news of surprisingly sexy people, this week, Kourtney Kardashian tried to “bend the Internet" with nude photos of her at nine-months pregnant. Since you probably didn’t see those pics of a naked Kardashian we’ll just tell you–she did look good. You know who else is looking good? That sexy mother, Drea de Matteo. She’s starring in her own reality show, The Muthaship. The star of Sons of Anarchy is saying “yes” to her life and doing things she’s never done before like … play with her grandma’s boobs.

Right now, Year-In-Review lists are being manufactured faster than they hand out parking tickets in Los Angeles, and, so far we have … the early-to-the-party-crowd, like, PopSugar’s 52 Sweetest/Sexiest Celeb Moments of PDA They just missed a cute addition to their list – Robert Pattinson has been keeping his hands warm with FKA twigs. Mashing up more PDA and sexy Brits, students in the UK, who were strangers to each other, were asked to make-out on camera. It’s a Brit-twist on the viral video of “strangers kissing” from earlier this year. We’re big fans of all this recent attention focused on the magic of a kiss. Now, if someone could please teach us how to un-see this kiss – that would also be cool.

Did you hear? Did you hear? Women prefer metrosexualson Tinder. There’s no word if that holds true IRL or if it’s just true when women are swiping men on their phone. Meanwhile, this same week, a separate study offered further insight into what women prefer. It’s a question that’s often asked, never answered. It’s a marketing cliche for bad romantic comedies: What Do Women Want? To us, it seems obvious what women want – to be treated like individuals who are unique and varied and appreciated as such. But hey, we like women. Always have. For now, science presses on looking for answers. We wish them luck.

One thing we fully agree with from recent sex research: consent is sexy. One trouble in establishing a culture of consent is that men and women express it differently. Here’s new research to explain. This week, PBS also jumped in the sack to ask and answer: What Is Sexuality?

Asked a very different question about the sack, porn legend Mary Carey said NBA star Dwight Howard has a future as a porn star. In other sexy celebrity news, Kate Upton made sweater weather look hot, and Lana del Rey turned the Seventies sexy … and that ain’t easy to do.

Another thing that’s difficult to do … write sexy fiction. Nigerian novelist, Ben Okri, was just awarded the Bad Sex in Fiction prize. He won it with lines like this:

“[she] felt certain now that there was a heaven and that it was here, in her body. The universe was in her and with each movement it unfolded to her. Somewhere in the night a stray rocket went off.”

Ouch, that’s certainly some boner-killing prose, all right. We see why he won. His response was simple: “A writer writes what they write and that’s all there is to it.” Okay, sure. But that doesn’t mean it’s any good.

This week, we caught some stories that were just too good to be fiction, there were reports of a hot tub party that ended when a fight broke out between the two male escorts over which one was getting paid the biggest bucks. All three men were arrested. A homeless man was arrested after he stole an ambulance to go get his freak on at a strip club. And there was that couple in Zimbabwe. A married government official was having sex outside with his mistress when a wayward herd of elephants nearly trampled them to death – the naked couple fled. Then they crashed their vehicle into a truck. The government official had to go home and inform his poor wife that soon everyone she knows would hear a very stupid story about her husband … and some elephants … and his mistress.

In other news of embarrassing moments, you may soon be able to print 3D sex toys at your local UPS stores. "What is this? I said I wanted a black double-ended dildo with plenty of girth – Do you call this girth? Lemme speak to the manager.” Meanwhile, on Indiegogo right now, there’s a guy looking for your support so he can build “the world’s longest-thrusting” electric dildo. He calls it the Mia Maxx.

For the first week in December, we’re calling that … This Week In Sex. Keep it sexy!


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