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This Week In Sex: Brazil’s Cláudia Alende, Nicki & Serena Prove Life Is Bootyful

This Week In Sex: Brazil’s Cláudia Alende, Nicki & Serena Prove Life Is Bootyful:

Tall and tan and young and lovely,
The girl from Ipanema goes walking,
And when she passes,
Each one she passes goes, “Aaah…”

“The Girl From Ipanema” Astrud Gilberto

With the same ease that you dance to a bossa nova beat, this week, we found yet another reason Brazil should be officially named the sexiest country in the world. Have you met this blue-eyed beauty with the insane booty? Her name is Cláudia Alende? One sight of her makes us go “Aaahhh…”

claudia alende 5

As you can see, she’s a Megan Fox lookalike, only curvier. Homegurl’s been dropping jaws all around the world with her Instagram feed.

claudia alende 3

To some of you, the name Cláudia Alende might seem familiar. She was named 2014 Vice Miss BumBum. But, if you’re wondering what that is… in Brazil, they don’t just hold a normal beauty contest. They throw a big butt booty contest. And that’s why we love your style, Brazil.

claudia alende 2

Here’s all the reason you’d ever need to sweeten your Insta-feed with Miss Alende…

…a slo-mo vid of her getting out of a pool. Life is bootyful.

@alendeclaudia 🌟 Promo @trendfashionday @hotmodelsworld

A video posted by Cláudia Alende (@claudiaalende) on

What do you picture when we say these two words? Serena. Williams.

She’s been the single-most dominant athlete in the world for the last decade-and-a-half. And she’s gifted with one of the most famous, eye-pleasing, mind-teasing, booties on the planet. If we’re all being honest, her butt has been just as dominant as her tennis racket. But, this week, it seems, Serena finally met her match. (Not on the court, that’s not happening.) She met a woman who is her booty-double.

So, let’s play a little game: Which butt belongs to Serena?

Double duty booty of Serena

To meet Serena’s booty-double and learn which booty is which click here.

Another woman with an insane bubble was in the news this week. Nicki Minaj posted a video of her in a thong twerking on Meek Mill. Some say she may be giving Drake a subtle message, since the rapper’s lap was thte last one she publicly gyrated on. That’s one way to win, Meek.

Staying with Her Minajesty, for a moment, did you see that Madam Tussaud’s wax museum made a statue honoring the impossibly curvy emcee? The trouble is, apparently, the museum posed her on all fours like she was in her “Anaconda” video. Do you see the problem? Madam Tussaud’s didn’t. But, once people posted pics on Instagram of them fondling the statue, licking it, and working it from the backside while pulling Wax Nicki’s ponytail, the museum finally saw the problem.

jackass humps a wax statue

Interestingly, fellow female emcee Azealia Banks saw this potential problem days ago.

Which is exactly what happened. That’s no way to respect a queen.

Speaking of giving a queen her propers, did you see the pop diva who kept it sexy in her bikini this week? The ever-bubbly Mariah Carey released her curves, showed off her tan lines to the sunshine, as she asked everything of her bikini to keep her sexiness decent for Instagram. It was a struggle.

Okay. Important question: Which celebrity has the best breasts?

Do you need a little time? Or perhaps some help to make up your mind? Here’s a ranking of the best celebrity breasts according to Ranker.

This week, just as sure as the sun came up, our gurl, Miley was out there pushing the bounds of sexy. She grabbed headlines when she posted a pic of her in a thong with Drake’s face on it. We’re pretty sure there’s a message there. Maybe you have to be a former child actor to get it.

Here’s a little something that requires no translation. It’s a vid about how Miley loves to strip free of the prison of culture and clothing. (And possibly hype her upcoming album.)

Did someone say hype? As you no doubt heard, Kylie Jenner has been celebrating her birthday. This week, she kept it lit in Montreal. Here are exclusive pics to prove it. And we’ve got to say you’re looking good, Miss Jenner!

Also we’re not done checking in on the full-time sexiness of the Kardashian half-sisters. They were busy this week. Like, here are some Kendall and Kylie bikini selfies to keep you a-breast of what’s new for the girls. But the real big question surrounding Kylie is: now that she’s eighteen… what will be her road to future superstardom? Will she model like her big sis, Kendall? Or will she release a vid, like Kim? To make it interesting, Vivid Entertainment just offered $10 mill if she’ll make a 22-minute long sex tape.

Nudity is powerful. Nudity is natural. And when used by a savvy woman, nudity can be a natural strength. Like, this week, Lindsey Pelas posted topless pics on her Instagram… and she looks so… dayum… strong!

Lindsey gets huggy

If you’re eager for a new beautiful blonde to brighten up your feed, meet Amy Jane Brand.

Amy Jane Brand 1

She’s an Australian model. And as summer up here in the northern hemisphere slips into autumn, she’ll ensure your feed stays hot with near daily hits of sexiness from the one-and-only Amy Jane Brand.

Amy Jane Brand 4

Plus, it never hurts to have a reminder of how important it is to exercise daily.

Amy Jane Brand 2

Moving from one island to another, last week, we told you about how British women like their men on the husky side. Well, this week, we took a look at what ideal women’s bodies look like… and not just in Jolly Olde England, but around the world.

As long as we’re talking about preferences of appearance: Do women like it when guys manscape? Are women stoked when a dude drops his boxer briefs and he’s bare down there? We asked and answered that question, and here’s what our resident sex expert found.

According to old wives’ tales, we tend to believe that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. (Which is true, by the way. Those old wives were onto something.) But, it turns out, what’s good for the goose is also good for the gander. It’s equally true for women. So, if you want your date to feel the love, make sure to feed her. Think of every bite like foreplay.

And if that doesn’t work, maybe get yourself some Addyi. What’s Addyi? Glad you asked. It’s the first over-the-counter libido pill for women, or as the media likes to call it, “pink viagara.” How does it work? Well, if you don’t know how to/can’t turn her on, the pill does it for you. (That’s a gross oversimplification. But you get the point.) Some women have already suggested that rather than risk a woman’s health with a dangerous pill we ought to educate men on how to sexually please a woman. Which, ahem, we have done.

Last week, we told you we’d have more updates on the Ashley Madison data dump. Well, even though the affairs website didn’t seem to believe they would really do it, the hackers were good to their word. This week, they released a huge trove of names and data they stole. To quote the great Ron Burgundy, “that escalated quickly.” For millions of adulterers, their life just went something like this…

If you, or someone you know, is worried about whether your name is listed in the massive data dump, we’ve got you covered. Here’s how to search for your own email.

Okay, enough about cheating. Let’s get back to a fun and far safer fantasy. Here’s a sample from this week’s #ThongThursday.

c limit,h 576,q 80,w 695-http---images-origin.playboy.com-ogz4nxetbde6-6eU7fCWmxqeacI2uKwQASY-56e8595af311d06775090c93059ca8d0-20 emilysears

Maybe, before they cheat, more folks should try to spice up their sex life. Like, this woman turned herself into a naked platter of sushi and surprised her husband with dinner… of uncooked fish arranged on her naked body.

In a pilates-like abdominal crunch position, I placed one luscious piece of tuna sashimi upon my nether parts. Next, a few pieces of sweet ebi on rice decorated my belly, then some hamachi, and finally some maguro. Ah, I hadn’t thought of how to fully lie down while balancing these sushi pieces. Breathing without knocking them off was going to be a challenge. Just a wee bit more prone, I figured out how to decorate each breast with ikura, and once the last sliver of tuna was in between my décolleté, the front doorknob jangled.

Of course, it never hurts to learn new sexual techniques, too. This couple works as sex therapists and they teach virgins and veterans how to enjoy better sex.

Do you ever have them actually practice oral sex on like a dildo or a fleshlight or something?

Rob: We also do have physical consultations where we have a prosthetic vagina, which we’ll teach someone, or even a doll, that type of thing. We have a series of props that work really well. Sometimes it’s comic, depending on how you look at it, but it works.

Bianca: One woman, she’s in Switzerland and she can’t come here so we do a Skype call, and she got her own dildo. So I’m looking at her, she’s looking at me, and she’s imitating me with the dildo.

You may laugh at a sex coach, but you could say sex is lot like a sport. There’s often grunting, some sweating, and maybe some yelling if anyone gets seriously fouled on their way to score. But mostly, with both sex and sports, you get out what you put in. For now, let these women remind you just how sexy a sport like volleyball can be.

Okay, we have a little treat for you. Here are Playboy bunnies from 1984 telling the funniest joke they know. We make no guarantees about the jokes. Enjoy!

Time to lace you up for the weekend. We thought you might like this collection of gifs of Scarlett Johansson’s sexiest moments from movies. Scarlett should help get your mind going, as you lean in to your weekend.

Until next time… keep it sexy!



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