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This Week In Sex: Niykee Heaton Is Still Waiting for an Actionable Dick Pic

Welcome to April. It’s the month that kicks off springtime with a few laughs. And we hope you had a laugh at our little prank about the secret tunnel between the Playboy mansion and Jack Nicholson’s house. From the reaction online, the dream of hidden passageways that lead you to the promise of Playmates is such a sexy fantasy that everyone wanted it to be real. (And you know what? We wish it were, too.)

23-girls-niykee-heaton

Two years ago, a blonde girl in her bedroom who sang an acoustic version of Chief Keef’s “Love Sosa” lit up the Internet. Now, Niykee Heaton’s giving it a go as pro. She’s an up-and-coming pop artist, and in an interview this week, Heaton gave some advice to all the thirsty bros sending her dick picks:

Heaton: We get them all the time. I used to open all of them, then I realized that it maybe wasn’t the best idea. Now there’s always dicks in our DMs. I’ve never seen an impressive-enough dick pic [to the point] where I actually decided to pursue it. Either I’m disgusted, or I feel really bad for them.

Speaking of blonde musicians, this week Iggy Azalea sauntered her sexy caboose down the Nickelodeon red carpet only to be caught off-guard by a 10-year-old boy who wanted to talk about her boobs. Specifically, her new boob job. The Aussie rapper was gracious since he had a mic and the interview was live. (Way to ask the tough questions, kid. You’ve got a bright future as a journalist.)

Aside from Kim Kardashian and Amber Rose, which female celeb would you say has the best booty? Interestingly, neither of those bubble butt beauties made this list. Guess who was number one! We’ll give you a hint … she’s from the block.

Here’s another ass question that’s hard to answer: which sport boasts the sexiest butts? A top contender has to be volleyball. Those girls have a hell of an advantage. To prove it, we made this gallery that celebrates volleyball curves and those sexy-ass bun-huggers they wear.

Diosa

Um, did you hear about the woman who popped a tit? No, not a zit. Her tit. Yeah! Yikes.

Apparently, Diosa Canales suffered a tragic exotic-dancing accident. She burst a fake tit when she fell off the pole and landed on her boobs. Don’t worry, she had the fake breast replaced, and her new chest is healing just fine.

Here’s an analogy you rarely hear: dicks are just like computers. (Geeks are already nodding their heads.) But it’s true. Often, the software is more important than the hardware. It’s not the dick but what you can do with it. And we all know it’s super sexy when a woman enjoys the feelings of power that come from really knowing what to do with a dick. This week Bridget Phetasy explained why she likes to give blowjobs:

I enjoy every minute of his extended torture. I like to drag it out. Lick his inner thigh. Kiss his hip. Tickle his balls. Lick his shaft. Breathe on his head. Make him squirm. Plead. Writhe in agony until I finally take his entire penis in my mouth.

“Oh my God. Oh my God…” his body shakes as my mouth fills with his life force. “I can’t feel my face. I can’t feel my face,” he repeats over and over.

I feel a surge of energy radiate up my spine as he lies there exposed, whimpering in ecstasy, drained. It’s POWER. Sheer, unadulterated, Ancient Goddess, Divine Feminine, power.

Dayum, gurl!

Excuse us for one sec, we’re going to take a moment to enjoy some pics from #WideBoobWednesday.

Wide Boob Wednesday diptych

Picture it: you’re in bed with a beautiful woman, you’re both naked and thrusting. You hear the doorknob twist. You both freeze mid-fuck. She says, “Shit! It’s probably my husband.” You panic… the door opens… it is her husband… and he’s Mike Tyson! The heavyweight champion of the world! But here’s the kicker, you’re Brad Pitt. (This really happened!) Read all about it, along with many other TMI moments from the sex life of Mike Tyson.

Speaking of sexy surprises, Game of Thrones is back on this Sunday night. We have no idea WTF is happening here.

Tyrion Lannister cosplay

You may have noticed that Snapchat has tried to ban all the hardcore drugs and partying that occurs in campus life. Well, if you miss it, we have good news. Meet YETI - Campus Stories app.

In what may be the saddest and strangest attempt to appease her narcissism, a writer for Vice sent out a questionnaire to her past lovers, asking them to rate how good she was in bed. TL;DR: her final score was a 71 out of 100. (She’s just two points away from a D at sex. Ouch.)

Our favorite felonious state, Florida, was back in the news. A 26-year-old daughter of the Sunshine State decided that her breasts needed some fresh air. Nothing wrong with that. Boobs get warm. The problem: she was in a cafe when she aired out her tits. Then, once she was topless, she groped herself, and sexually tugged on her nipple ring. That’s not cool–not even in Florida. Which is a sentence that has never been written before.

You see, there’s a right way and a wrong way to appreciate boobs. Topless, groping yourself in a busy cafe is the wrong way. Taking a minute to enjoy these gifs of bouncy boobs is the right way.

Until next time … keep it sexy!


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