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This Week In Sex: Selena Gomez’s Cleavage Owned the Golden Globes

This Week In Sex: Selena Gomez’s Cleavage Owned the Golden Globes:

Welcome to a very sexy week of January. This past Monday night, Oregon faced Ohio State in the NCAA FBS National Championship game, and for a large section of the audience, the winner of the game was this woman. After Twitter superhero Darnell Dockett posted this pic…

Corine Lewis

… of an Unknown Superfan striding the sidelines, you could almost feel the Internet shift like…

Some folks did some online sleuthing and the Unknown Superfan was discovered to be Corine Lewis. She’s the former cheerleading coach at Oregon, which explains all her school spirit. Sadly though, despite her extra-supportive presence her Ducks went down in defeat.

This week, Selena Gomez brought all her game to Golden Globes. When she walked the red carpet, teasing with her cleavage, jaws dropped. The name Selena comes from Latin, it means moon. And gurl, we gotta say, this week you had us moonstruck like a lunatic.

Another lady who got our attention: BeShine. She currently holds the record for the world’s largest breasts. Each boob weighs roughly twenty pounds. Her bra is a size 32Z. Wow. That doesn’t sound like a bra that sounds like a way to cover the infield on a rain delay. And yes, if you have to ask, they’re fake.

Speaking of fake boobs, last week, we introduced you to the newly dubbed queen of online porn, Mia Khalifa. Well, this week, we thought you might like to see what Mia looked like au naturel … and of course, we mean, Mia without make-up. All the judges agree: she’s hot before and after.

This week, the world bid goodbye to a world class sex symbol. When Anita Ekberg splashed around barefoot in the Trevi fountain in Rome, starring in Fellini’s masterpiece La Dolce Vita, she became known around the globe as one of the sexiest women in the world. We collected a gallery of her pictures to celebrate her breathless beauty.

There was a lot of talk this week about the return of Girls for its fourth season. In the first few minutes of the season premiere, the audience watched Allison Williams get a rim job. If you’re keeping score at home, not only is she Peter Pan, she’s also Brian Williams’ daughter. Do you want proof that eating ass has gone mainstream? Her dad, the anchor of NBC Nightly News was cool with his daughter getting analingus! Guess that makes it official … rim jobs are the new blow jobs.

Booty, booty, booty, booty errywhere… this week, for you, we collected a gallery of the best booty gifs. Enjoy! As the cold of winter sets deeply its chilling claws into most of the country, we thought you might like to use these booty gifs to think warm thoughts.

We’re gonna give you one guess what bra-hating celebrity aired out her areolas this week. Ready to guess? …That’s right! Our gurl, Miley. This week, she went full frontal … with a double nipple slip, cuz you know, Miley don’t half-step. If she’s gonna do something, she’s gonna do the damn thing.

Meanwhile, Miley’s male doppleganger, Justin Bieber is still battling rumors of his airbrushed sexiness. Biebs, was back in the news this week defending his after-market happy trail and deeply-shadowed well-toned abs. We believe you, Justin. No, we always smirk like this when we believe someone.

You know, some folks saw those pics of Biebs and didn’t ask “does Justin really have those abs and sexy happy trail?” No. Some folks saw those Calvin Klein photos and they said: Biebs should do gay porn. So they offered him some loot. At the moment, the standing offer is $2 million.

If Justin does consider a second career, we’ve got the perfect people to give him a good education. They call it porn star boot camp.

Why are we so reluctant to talk about sex in public? We don’t mean graphically, we mean, like, the way Anna Kendrick talks about masturbation. She’s a role model. This week, she told the world she likes to pet her peach to Ryan Gosling movies; for us, that further solidifies her as America’s Sweetheart.

And in case you were wondering, how a woman like Anna Kendrick orgasms … this is how…

We think more celebs should be about that hand jive in the One-five. Like, for real. No one should be ashamed about jerking off. Not only is it healthy, relaxing, and a good way to ease stress (which kills), if you think about it, masturbation is responsible for a lot of great things in your life. Like … a steak dinner. You couldn’t enjoy a steak without someone jerking off a bull. This week, the Wall Street Journal wrote about Toystory, the stud bull. He’s a legend of insemination. Sadly, this past Thanksgiving, he died. But not before he sired 50,000 offspring.

Out here, in Los Angeles, artificial insemination is rather common. But this week, there was news about one uncommonly prolific sperm donor. This stud donor has sired a small army of kids. So far, 23 women have opted to use his sperm, had children, and now, they’ve all become friends. Every Sunday, they share a family dinner. This may sound weird … it is weird … but as one of the 23 mothers put it:

“It’s one of those things that feels incredibly bizarre for half an hour. Then it feels totally normal.” And you know what, we think we know what she means. We say the same thing about having sex in a waterbed.

“What kind of fuckery is this?”
― Amy Winehouse

Last week, Buzzfeed Video had Men Talking About Vaginas. This week, we thought you’d like to see the companion piece … Women Talking About Penises. It’s just as entertaining.

Our favorite line was from writer/comedian, Gaby Dunn:

“This is how patriarchy hurts men, too … because it doesn’t allow you to feel the most pleasure you could feel by having fingers up your butt hole … because they scare you away about being gay … if everyone could just like embrace smashing the patriarchy, men could have really great orgasms from their buttholes. Quote me on that!”

We just did, Gaby. Smash that patriarchy!

While we’re chatting about genitals, did you hear the news? This week, there was a breaking story coming out of Khloe Kardashian’s crotch. It’s official, she named her kamel toe … Camille.

Okay, totally, off topic … but do you think Khloe is a squirter? We kinda think she is. We imagine she gets wild and rides an orgasm like a mechanical bull. We only ask because the question of women squirting was in the news this week. Suddenly, everyone wants to know what do women squirt? Is it just a phenomenal display of lady jizz? Or is it more like piss? Science got to work to solve this mystery and they came through with the answer. It’s mostly fluid from the bladder. But then women online were like, “Oh hell no, Science! You don’t know shit about my lady jizz!” So, stay tuned for further developments.

This week also offered an ass menagerie of un-sexy crimes. First, there was the Chinese woman who cut off her husband’s dick. Not once but… twice!! That’s 100% not sexy.

Then there’s the vegan strip club that got sued for allowing customers to treat the strippers like hunks of meat. Sick of mistreatment by management and the poorly-behaving vegans who frequented the Portland porn palace, two exotic dancers, Matilda Bickers and Amy Pitts, sued the meatless strip club where they work. Our favorite part of this story: in Portland, strippers have artisanal names like Matilda Bickers. She sounds like a character from a porno made by Wes Anderson.

On the other side of the country, there’s a woman who’s just starting her career in the sex industry. Normally, this isn’t news. This happens every day. But this woman, Paige A. Jennings, used to work on Wall Street. Her Twitter bio reads: “I just left a job on Wall Street for a porn career because I can’t stop masturbating at work…” Seems legit.

You know what dude would become a sex worker if he could? That is, if he weren’t already a pro football stud.

Give up? The answer is Gronk. That’s right the New England tight end says he’d be down to put his backfield in motion if folks tucked a few bucks. We’ll let America know. By the way, his teammate, Julian Edelman, was asked the same question. He said he’d want to be … wait for it … a human cannonball. That’s so Edelman!

You ready for a freak show that makes juggalos go whoa? No? If you know juggalos, freaking them out ain’t easy. Now, before you ask … yes, this place is in Florida. Come on, you knew it would be in Florida. It’s called the Sausage Castle.

Okay, here’s some tropical sexiness to cleanse your palette. Meet the newest star to join the cast of Hawaii Five-O. Her name is Jessica Lowndes and she looks stupid good in a bikini. Very soon you’ll be seeing a lot more of her. Already this year is looking better.

And that’s all the sexiness that’s fit to print for This Week In Sexkeep it sexy!



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