In the mood for some laughs? Here’s the best tweets from the past week. If you like these, be sure to follow them and then you can find some laughs every single day.
the actor who played Wilson in Castaway is the same actor from the Top Gun volleyball scene— slick (@dlicj) January 14, 2015
🎶 wake up wake up wake up 🎶— capitalism liker (@HumanPog) January 15, 2015
🎵 it’s the first of tha month 🎵
🎶 get up get up get up 🎶
🎵 wingardium leviosa 🎵
- Bone Thugs and Hermione
New text acronyms:— karate horse (@Karate_Horse) January 12, 2015
T = text (or texting)
DYGMT? = did you get my text!
FFM = fist fight me
DFIAT= dad’s funeral is at ten
DD = dad is dead
HOW TO TALK TO PRETTY GIRLS YOU SEE IN THE STREET:— Siobhan Thompson (@vornietom) January 14, 2015
-don’t do this
-they don’t want to talk to you
[Speech Therapy]— Kalvin (@KalvinMacleod) January 14, 2015
Therapist: Repeat after me: I’m thirsty
T: I’m hungry
D: I’m…H…Hi Hungry, I’m Dad
T: *throws clipboard*
Our boss just banned overly specific nicknames and the whole office is staring at Rat Snitch Brian The Good Time Ruiner.— Ceej (@ceejoyner) January 12, 2015
My dog’s a rescue. He was living downtown, eating garbage, & having a blast. Then I rescued him & made him wear a sweater & pose in pictures— yes man (@FunOnlineMan) January 13, 2015
THIS FALL ON CBS— big lord jesus (@pharmasean) January 14, 2015
Police Captain: the wealthy heiress is dead. Any leads?
Detective Quasimodo: I have a hunch.
Police Captain: fucking A dude
Jaws 3D: the Director’s Cut pic.twitter.com/8JKr7iU1Yu— priscilla page (@BBW_BFF) January 14, 2015
If I was a killer, I’d be “The Gogurt Killah”. I’d do a murder & leave a tasty Gogurt for the cops, cuz they work hard & could use a snack.— Grego (@GrowlyGrego) January 10, 2015
My mom <3 I have no idea where she found this, but I photoshopped it years ago. I don’t have the heart to tell her. pic.twitter.com/K9uHu59XNS— whalesmells (@whalesmells) January 12, 2015
No she’ll have a salad #FiveWordsToRuinADate— Dan Duvall (@lazerdoov) January 14, 2015
When your salad is absolutely hilarious pic.twitter.com/9Qc9RSrf8e— kid block (@senderblock23) January 14, 2015
What Disney princess AREN’T I?— scott linnen (@ScottLinnen) January 9, 2015
Eric is a comedy writer based in Michigan. Follow @dubstep4dads on Twitter.