Friday is finally here, and before you fling yourself across the chasm of the weekend into the cliff face of next week, you deserve some laughs. That’s why, every week, we compile 15 of the week’s funniest and weirdest tweets. If you like them, make sure and follow the characters who wrote them so you can find something to laugh at each every day.
top 10 spies of all time:— EJ Gomez (@EJGomez) January 25, 2017
1) agent cody banks
2) juni cortez
3) carmen cortez
4) let’s be real the rest don’t even matter
Kudos to sex bots for remaining unapologetically horny during this trying time.— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) January 25, 2017
These have got to be the two dumbest people alive pic.twitter.com/9onoJEvIzz— Charles Finch (@CharlesFinch) January 24, 2017
the bachelor: being in love is the best feeling you can feel— audrey farnsworth (@audipenny) January 24, 2017
me, crawling out of a bag of ham: I live in this ham. I feel very good
“Sweet dreams you piece of shit.” I try to snap the prison guard’s neck but just make him look to the left very quickly.— vineyille (@vineyille) January 21, 2017
He’s not even trying anymore… pic.twitter.com/DHxbkqKy6q— mo (@chuuew) January 16, 2017
landlord: you said your rent would be on time— Ziwe (@ziwe) January 22, 2017
me: that’s an alternative fact
ON A FIRST DATE— Carlos Maza (@gaywonk) January 24, 2017
HIM: So what’s your sign or whatever?
ME: Let’s get this over with; is it okay to punch a Nazi in the face yes or no?
You got me fucked up if you think I’m gonna be the thimble in monopoly— Ali Hin (@ali__hin) January 25, 2017
The escalator just broke down while I was on it. Had to stand there mid way until a crew came in and fixed it. Scariest 15 min of my life.— kim ❤️ (@KimmyMonte) January 25, 2017
3 months in: daddy cum over and nail me like they did Christ— Noel Miller (@thenoelmiller) January 23, 2017
2 years in: u wanna see my titties? Take out the trash
Local News: GREG JOHNSON, 41, ESCAPES BEING EATEN BY BEAR— sweaty five dollars (@iscoff) January 25, 2017
Bear News: FOOD NAMED GARG RUNS FROM LUNCHTIME