Friday is finally here, and before you fling yourself across the chasm of the weekend into the cliff face of next week, you deserve some laughs. That’s why, every week, we compile 15 of the week’s funniest and weirdest tweets. If you like them, make sure and follow the characters who wrote them so you can find something to laugh at each every day.
Me transitioning from February to March pic.twitter.com/jeGtpoqpcf— AOL.com (@lukasbattle) February 22, 2017
Me: Oh ho ho leaving early are we?— vineyille (@vineyille) February 23, 2017
Guy at work whose wife died around 4:30: yeah
I was just discussing this with my cat pic.twitter.com/Rou7rSmHzI— Todd ‘Papi’ Carlos (@TheToddWilliams) February 22, 2017
The lights are dimmed. Sexy music plays. She runs her fingers across my scar.— Nathan Usher (@thenatewolf) February 18, 2017
“I got that when I fell off the toilet,” I whisper.
as a job-stealing immigrant, I now have 36 jobs and counting. I keep them in my basement like some kind of job dragon. what you gonna do— bobby sun 🌏 (@touchmybobby) February 19, 2017
Hemingway once bet a friend that he could write the world’s saddest short story in under 10 words… pic.twitter.com/2ODUCYOEXk— Ken Jennings (@KenJennings) February 18, 2017
instead of lusting after sexy, younger planets, you should appreciate the loving earth that’s stuck by your cheating ass this whole time— Ziwe (@ziwe) February 22, 2017
John Legend look like Arthur lowkey pic.twitter.com/bfeG3cYo4M— Emily Sowah (@sowahblanket) February 20, 2017
Dog: *pulling away from me as i try to touch their paw*— one of ur hoes (@miliondollameat) February 19, 2017
Me: why are you so afraid of love
dating at 25: is this person the one???— Brandy Jensen (@BrandyLJensen) February 22, 2017
dating at 35: just hope he ruins my life in an interesting way
La La Land, but every scene ends with an old man chasing them off with a broom.— Kibblesmith ⚔️ (@kibblesmith) February 17, 2017
My tax dollars pay for those public school proms. I’m going to them.— Cullen Crawford (@HelloCullen) February 20, 2017
Will I understand blink-182 if I haven’t seen the first 181— Bucky Isotope (@BuckyIsotope) February 20, 2017
[Porn]— Barndog (@ReviledPervert) February 18, 2017
Me: Did someone order a SMALL MUSHROOM PIZZA?
*I open the box to reveal my soft penis scalded by the cheese*
[Me as a boxing commentator]— Jon (@ArfMeasures) February 21, 2017
ME: Oh no, they’re fighting again, this is just like last time