In the mood for some laughs? Here’s the best tweets from the past week. If you like these, be sure to follow them and then you can find some laughs every single day.
villain 1: WELCOME TO MY EVIL SECRET LAIR— Jeff Wysaski (@pleatedjeans) April 28, 2015
villain 2: Isn’t this your mom’s basement?
villain 1: [over sound of the dryer] IT CAN BE BOTH
This actual leaked Sony email about The Amazing Spider-Man 2 is better than anything in The Amazing Spider-Man 2. pic.twitter.com/qO2H3aHwWN— The Babahuck (@TylerHuckabee) April 23, 2015
After a stock drop of 20% today it’s rumored there will be cut backs at Twitter. The first to go will be the Inspirational Tweet department.— Ham on Wry (@realHamOnWry) April 29, 2015
Sorry I projected my personal struggle with paternal abandonment at your baby shower by placing a curse on your firstborn son.— Boo Mancino-Williams (@Manda_like_wine) April 25, 2015
LIFE HACK: If a public restroom is locked, violently yank the door handle over and over like a gorilla and never accept that it’s occupied— Karen Kilgariff (@KarenKilgariff) April 28, 2015
DOCTOR: What’s wrong?— Jamie Woodham (@jwoodham) April 29, 2015
ME: [Spends all day drinking caffeine and all night staring at bright screens] I’m always tired and I don’t know why.
Me as a news anchor: good evening, there’s a bunch of assholes everywhere [credits begin to roll]— pony stardracula (@tigersgoroooar) April 26, 2015
🎵 You don’t have to tag me in the comment of my own Instagram picture 🎵— Allie Goertz (@AllieGoertz) April 25, 2015
“And if you look out to the left, you’ll miss everything to the right. Remember, every choice is also a loss.” - Me as a tour guide— Matt Roller (@rolldiggity) April 21, 2015
Sorry I didn’t respond to your email, but I noticed that you used a lot of words.— Tinker Elle (@elle91) April 23, 2015
Please correct and resend.
Who the fuck told Captain America that you throw a shield?— Chase Mitchell (@ChaseMit) April 26, 2015
not sure what’s more depressing, getting propositioned by 75-year old woman on OKCupid or that she already forgot I banged her last month— Matt 🎃swalt (@MattOswaltVA) April 29, 2015
The roofers working on my house just watched me quit a Shaun T “Insanity” workout halfway through.— Julius Sharpe (@juliussharpe) April 28, 2015
Jogging combines my 2 favorite things: gasping for air and looking stupid.— Brandon (@UNTRESOR) April 30, 2015
Eric is a comedy writer based in Michigan. Follow @dubstep4dads on Twitter.