In the mood for some laughs? Well we’ve got you covered. Here you’ll find the best tweets from the past week (in terms of funniness.) If you like these tweets, make sure and follow the characters who wrote them so then you’ll be sure to find something to laugh at each every day.
attorney: ur credit score is 420— Wahlid Mohammad (@Wahlid) May 26, 2015
me: oh hell yea lmfao
attorney: thts not a good thing
me: ahha shieeettt
Pitbull: can u come get me— steve carell (@quintywinties) May 22, 2015
Me: where r u
Pitbull: we at the hotel motel holiday inn
Me: ok which one
Pitbull: hotel motel holiday inn
2 legged creatures: they’re like humans!— NEW YEAR BOY (@STOTLE) May 26, 2015
4 legged creatures: awww that’s cute!
6+ legged creatures: GET THAT SHIT THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME.
I feel bad for this guy, his life must be tough having just a torso. Also somebody left their boots on the train. pic.twitter.com/scU2g5hM2I— pat tobin (@tastefactory) July 14, 2014
It’s always the guy with leg tattoos who tries to organize a volleyball game on the beach.— Alex J. Mann (@alexjmann) May 24, 2015
Just drank a cheap bottle of champagne in the shower in the dark. So you could say things are really going normal for me.— Mike Drucker (@MikeDrucker) May 28, 2015
“look, it started off as a bet but then i fell in love with you!” –literally every movie that came out in 1999— Lane Moore (@hellolanemoore) May 26, 2015
Hi nice to see you, and… you’re not walking away. You’re standing there. Good. So we’re going to keep talking? Great. That is so great— audrey farnsworth (@audipenny) May 21, 2015
ME: fine, judge me. judge me for loving too much, for caring too much-— ben are scum (@UniqueDude2) May 20, 2015
JUDGE: you’re on trial for murder
ME: for murdering too much
*guy bumps my shoulder*— dan mentos (@DanMentos) May 23, 2015
“You’re lucky this isn’t the Internet pal”
Aw, fuck pic.twitter.com/IKCerlcIuq— Toilet Bob ☭ (@AlmightyBoob) May 25, 2015
before xbox, 9 year old kids had to send me letters detailing the sex they had with my mom— ᴄʜʀɪs (@ChrisScarlette) May 27, 2015
Thank you but we’ve met pic.twitter.com/xtzkKWGAbJ— Bridger Winegar (@bridger_w) May 27, 2015
I like when a rap album alternates between “I’m rich, and you’re garbage because you’re poor” and “I remember when I used to be poor…”— Mark Leggett 🤷🏻♂️ (@markleggett) May 28, 2015
ME: did it hurt— jomny sun (@jonnysun) May 26, 2015
GIRL AT BAR: did wat hurt
ME: when ur hopes of having a nice uninterupted night out got crushed bc i started talking to u
Eric is a comedy writer based in Michigan. Follow @dubstep4dads on Twitter.