In the mood for some laughs? Well we’ve got you covered. Below you’ll find the funniest most amazing most fabulous tweets from this past week. Don’t doubt us, it’s true. If you like these tweets, make sure and follow the characters who wrote them so then you’ll be sure to find something to laugh at each every day.
What girls look for in guys:— james nielssen (@jamesnielssen) August 16, 2016
-Good with money
-Owns a pawn shop for 21 years
-Never knows WHAT is gonna come through that door
Cashier: that’ll be five dollars.— Shayne Topp (@supershayne) August 15, 2016
Me: *Pulls out chicken tender*
Cashier: Sir that isn’t legal tender.
Me: This tweet is gold.
Is a bath relaxing for Michael Phelps or does it just feel like he’s at work— Jen Statsky (@jenstatsky) August 14, 2016
every olympic event should be preceded by one normal person trying to do the thing literally at all— Casey Johnston (@caseyjohnston) August 16, 2016
tween (explaining seriously): its called “family” because ur not my “fam” unless “ily.”— Ariana Lenarsky (@aardvarsk) August 14, 2016
me (nodding and thinking about a donut) I see.
Spielberg missed a great opportunity when he didn’t put FIN at the end of Jaws.— Julian McCullough (@julezmac) August 18, 2016
“harambe, you’re alive! but how?”— Oliver Willis (@owillis) August 18, 2016
“tell no one ryan lochte, the fate of the world depends on it. just make up a story.”
Judging by how terrible I am when a pinball machine gets multiball, I would be completely useless in a threesome.— Julius Sharpe (@juliussharpe) August 12, 2016
we need more loser olympian interviews. hey steve. steve. u sad? that ur whole life led to public failure. whats the flight home look like— darcie wilder (@333333333433333) August 17, 2016
Nobody’s phone dies. They’re lying.— Alec Sulkin (@thesulk) August 15, 2016
Tonight on American pickers someone gets a boner over an old ass rake— kelly jean (@kjmeow) August 17, 2016
when I was 9 I thought anyone who preferred strawberry ice cream was weird and sad and now I love strawberry ice cream so I was right— maura quint (@behindyourback) August 16, 2016
If you want your dog to take a pill:— Max Dylan Ash (@mynameisntdave) August 17, 2016
1. Get a piece of cheese
2. Eat the cheese for energy
3. Get ready to wrestle your dog