In the mood for some laughs? Well we’ve got you covered. Below you’ll find the funniest most amazing most fabulous tweets from this past week. Don’t doubt us, it’s true. If you like these tweets, make sure and follow the characters who wrote them so then you’ll be sure to find something to laugh at each every day.
Bae - come over— JustFreedomUSA (@JustWackyJokes) September 3, 2015
Donald trump - did u say comb over
Bae - no
Donald trumps - because that my hairstyle u see
Bae - I didn’t say that
Kim Davis is like if Rosa Parks was evil— Kumail Nanjiani (@kumailn) September 3, 2015
Recent studies show that roughly 50% of pirates have peg legs, but they don’t know why. “We’re stumped,” said one scientist with an eyepatch— ibid (@ibid78) September 2, 2015
APOLLO: I’ll be god of the sun— Mouse on a Carousel (@CarouselMouse) August 29, 2015
HERMES: OK I’ll take light-
A: I’m also light
ARTEMIS: I’ll take music
A: No I’m also music. That’s me too
*swerves onto exit 208* Sorry mom something came up pic.twitter.com/1aAc8iuFIo— Leah Tiscione (@LeahTiscione) September 1, 2015
There’s a photo booth green screen at the wedding and I’m wearing a green shirt and green tie pic.twitter.com/v5dVDHZRpP— TheKindManLeroyPenis (@rudetanks) August 29, 2015
[cookout]— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) August 29, 2015
Wife: Don’t embarrass me.
Me: I know how to make small talk.
Guest: Nice weather, huh?
Me: Burmese pythons have two penises.
donald trump looks like the villain in a movie where the hero is a dog— josh (future ghost) (@ruinedpicnic) August 29, 2015
🎶All I want to do is *gunshot gunshot gunshot gunshot* *gun cocking* *cash register* pay off my student loans.🎶— Lazer Cat (@Laser_Cat) September 1, 2015
I’m sorry for your loss. I printed out some of my funniest tweets about car accidents if you… ok I’ll just leave them on your chair.— vineyille (@vineyille) August 27, 2015
If I die doing what I love please reposition my body to make it look like I’m doing something cooler.— Jenny Jaffe (@jennyjaffe) August 29, 2015
It took me weeks to make all these signs and I’m quite proud of myself, but I realise now it was wrong to divorce you via Google street view— Tom (@tomcashgent) August 30, 2015
[shoe salesman]— Chad Read (@squirrel74wkgn) August 31, 2015
*undoes Velcro straps*
Can you taste it, bro?
All that pussy you’re gonna get if you buy these sandals.
“You a cop?”— 💀Bones Mortensen💀 (@ThingsJackDigs) September 3, 2015
UNDERCOVER COP: No.
“So you wouldn’t mind if I … threw these donuts away?”
UC: *sweats profusely*